All goods things must come to an end. I just finished the Durarara anime yesterday, and was briefly at a loss for what to watch next, before remembering that I'd meant to watch Spice and Wolf, so I'm watching that now. I really hope it gets more exciting; I've only seen two episodes, but right now I don't feel that interested in it.

I always get a little disheartened after finishing a good series. I was really excited while I was watching Eureka Seven, Code Geass, and Boys Over Flowers in the first semester, but once I got close to the end of those shows, I always seemed to enter a gloomy period (might just be coincidental, but I like to think that there's cause and effect going on here). Well, I guess I could easily remedy that by watching and reading nothing but "good" anime and manga. But if I were to always spend my time dabbling in the best of the best, wouldn't I become unable to appreciate how good it was? After all, I just read somewhere earlier today that there has to be dark to see the light.

But anyways, I thought Durarara really came into its own in the second half of the anime (I can only speak in these terms because I haven't read the manga...I would like to read more manga in the future, but it's sometimes hard to find a good one that's already finished and doesn't have a ridiculous amount of chapters.) I liked a lot of the characters, and at first I wasn't sure what I thought of Shizuo because he smoked and seemed to become violent for no reason, though I have as of late become quite fond of him. I'm a big fan of Celty ♥

Though I wouldn't really say that Kida is one of my favorite characters in Durarara, I feel like I have the most connection to him. There were, in the past things he did - or didn't do, and he tries and tries and tries to move on, and yet he's still his own prisoner. It's one thing to forgive someone else, but it's another to forgive yourself...For failing to act at an important moment. What would you rather do? Regret what you've done, or regret what you didn't do?

When I get depressed, which is unfortunately pretty often, all the things I messed up in the past come back to me. It's like I keep opening my wounds all over again even after they healed, just like what I always did with the part on the other side of my knee - you know, on the back of your leg, the place where your leg bends? It often got itchy and I couldn't help but scratch it, and sometimes it turned red and pretty nasty. At least the pain kept me from scratching it, but while it was healing it would be itchy again, and so the wounds never really closed (well, until the weather changed, that usually made it less itchy so I'd finally stop scratching it). The body does have important messages to tell the mind, and I'm not just referring to problems dealing with your past, but also to health problems not having to do with the brain... These days I've seen many people coming down with illnesses and having to be hospitalized...I'm not able to discuss anything more than that, but it has been a very misfortunate time indeed.

Labels: anime, appreciation, celty, characters, depression, durarara, fear, good, health, itchy, kida, past, problem, questions, regret, shizuo

Is there such a phobia? Because I probably had it, not long ago.

A week from now, on Monday, I will officially make the move from middle school to high school. It's a change that I have been feeling uncertain about. It seems like the clock will really be ticking once I enter high school. My mother is now pressuring me to take classes and study for the SATs and attend seminars. And now I'm being urged to...

- Talk to my teachers (which is a bit hard for me, since I'm not that outgoing as of the past few years and I feel like it's really shallow to befriend your teachers just to get a good recommendation letter for college)

- Make a "professional" email (I don't want to have to check three different emails. I already hardly check one of them - and besides, I figure I'll get spam mail if my real name is in the email's name. And I would really be angry if people were judging me by my email. I know, in this world, first impressions can mean everything, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.)

- Attend extra classes outside of school (my mother insists that a lot of other people are taking them and I have to in order to keep up. But I don't like the idea of that either, because it feels like I'm using money in order to get ahead in school. Just because other people are doing it doesn't mean it's right. Well, I suppose I may be the only one who has such warped and illogical morals.)

- Stop wasting time on the Internet (that's something I intend to work on myself. For instance, I am planning to quit Crunchyroll. Maybe not completely. I might come back once in a while, but I will probably stop visiting on a regular basis. I've already started to think of my "farewell" message. It's painful for me to leave something behind, but not as much as I would have thought a few months ago. It's time to move on. I no longer want to be chained to it.)

And I don't really know what to expect of life in high school. Back when school was still in session, all of us 8th graders went over to the high school campus (it's pretty much across the street, so it's nearby) and listened to some people talk about various parts of the school. They encouraged us to join clubs and participate in leadership activities and whatnot. Near the beginning of the session, the students said, "Well, I bet you think from what your siblings and friends have told you that it's all about studying." Then they paused, and added, "Well, it is sort of like that..."

I certainly hope not. In this country, what with some of the best universities being located here (Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Princeton, MIT, UC Berkeley, UC LA, Brown, Cornell, Columbia, Dartmouth, Pomona, Northwestern...), the competition gets too fierce. If you ask me, it's like in middle school they're preparing you for high school, and then in high school they're preparing you for college, and then in college you're being prepared for...Your job? The rest of your life? I'm not really sure. (As for when you've got yourself a steady job, I think you're just waiting for retirement. XD) I have heard that some of my fellow students have been taking classes during the summer, such as Geometry, so that perhaps they can move up a level in math and will not have to take Geometry in high school. (I don't see the need to rush. Why not take it easy? You should be able to take Calculus by your senior year if you just go the grade level route.)

Well, I'm sure there's a lot more to high school than just studying for tests all the time. (It's not like I study as much as I should anyways, since I often think to myself, "Eh, I'll probably end up studying something that isn't on the test. I'll be wasting my time.") But I have no idea what everything else is like either. I've looked at the school lunch menu and read the policy, but what does that really tell me about the people there? How can I know what I've read in novels really reflects the high school I'll be attending? Will it be similar to middle school or a whole different universe? I guess the only thing that can be done is to experience it for myself. I am no longer afraid, or at least less so than before. But I'm not completely looking forward to it, either.

Labels: change, classes, college, crunchyroll, email, expectations, fear, first impression, future, high school, internet, judge, life, moral, preparation, quit, SAT, studying, teacher, uncertain

My mother sometimes requests things from the library for me. Oftentimes she gets test prep books and things like that, which I try to avoid touching unless she bothers me about it. But this time she got me the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, a book I have been meaning to read for some time.

This book has made me see success in a different way. I have to say, I am like the majority of people - I like to hear those stories about a poor person who works hard and is talented and becomes successful (rich and happy). But really, you need more than talent to be successful.

What happens to you is shaped a lot by the kinds of circumstances you have. Sometimes it takes a lot of luck for you to become successful. In the book, there is a list of the 75 richest people in the world. Many people were wealthy because they happened to be royalty. But there were also quite a few Americans, all born at about the same time (around 1830's to 1840's). This was a good time to be born if you were going to be an entrepreneur.

I've been thinking how a person's experiences can also change their personality. My parents have said that I was placed in a combination class (meaning a class consisting of students of two different grades) because when I was in kindergarten I was thought to be mature enough for it or something like that. I'm probably more afraid to talk to teachers now that I'm older than when I was younger... It was a struggle for me, the time after one of my closest friends moved away, in fifth grade. I had other friends, but they had become closer to their other friends, and I didn't want to be a third wheel, a tagalong. I turned to books and to the Internet (and ever since I've been hooked on the computer...) and became rather reclusive. I didn't want to make friends, since I felt that I would lose them again, and even if I had wanted to, I'm not sure I would have been able to. I was losing my ability to communicate.

There was a time that I was angry at my friend for moving away, and at her father (because he had gotten a job elsewhere, and in order to keep the family together, they had moved). And then there was a time when I was really sad. But eventually I subconsciously had moved on, and I started to mingle again. (It was slow, though, and one of the friends I made that year moved away the very next year...) I guess there's a part of me that fears getting involved and attached to things because I suspect that I will lose them. But I hope I can become brave enough to overcome this.

I feel oddly peaceful nowadays, after having gone on a few walks by myself. I visited the recreational sort of place in my town. Unfortunately, it wasn't the quite oasis that I had suspected. The pool was quite loud since there seemed to be some kids from summer camps there. There were older people playing volleyball (meaning older than the kids swimming, not meaning senior citizens) and there was a group of adults walking over to some benches. (I kept wondering why they weren't at work. I mean, it was a weekday, after all. My mom says they were on a group outing or something like that.) But it was still nice to be by the creek. I'm grateful to photography because it has made me pay more attention to little things, and I appreciate the beauty of nature much more than I used to. And I can take my time thinking. I feel like I'm reliving my life, and returning to my old self. Or maybe I'm discovering my true self for the first time.

Labels: bravery, circumstances, discovery, emotions, fear, friends, introverted, luck, malcolm gladwell, memories, outliers, peace, personality, success, thoughts, timing, truth, walk

I was just reading the February 2010 edition of Reader's Digest magazine. (Apparently we only received this issue recently, which is odd. I mean, it's long past February now. I guess they forgot to send it to us before.) This time the magazine had a focus on ways to lose weight and the attitudes of people in various countries about being fat.

Regarding France, many families eat together every night, much more than the percentage in the USA out of people surveyed. And the meals in France are quite long. My French teacher told us that the lunchtime at French schools is about two hours long, so school ends late, like 5:00 pm or so. It's such a long lunch that you might even be able to go home and take a nap (just as long as you got up in time to return to school).

Actually, the longer the meal, the less you eat, given that you talk to someone while eating. If you're holding a conversation while eating, then you don't eat as quickly, compared to when you're focused on eating (as I tend to be). That pretty much explains why eating lunch or dinner seems to take so much longer when my parents are eating with their friends.

In this way, you end up not eating as much even though you supposedly would be spending more time talking. By talking, you have to slow down your eating (unless you eat and talk at the same time, which is disgusting and can also result in choking or food coming out). It's a good strategy, but it does take up time, which is a valuable resource that is impossible to replace.

But the opposite - that less is more - is also true, when it comes to swimming pools. Blackberry Farm, a place of recreation in my town, has its pool open during the warmer months. There's a discount on Sunday evenings (after 5:00 pm), I believe, so my mother and I went to the pool.

My mom had thought it wouldn't be crowded because she figured not many people would know about the pool, but she turned out to be wrong. It was quite crowded. Still, we figured that since we bothered to come we should go and swim. I suppose that less money needed to go swimming means more people flock to the pool.

The deepest section, 6 feet deep, was the one with the least amount of people. (This is an instance of "more is less" - the deeper the water, the smaller the amount of people in it.) The shallower sections were mostly occupied by parents teaching their children to swim.

It brought back my memories of the time when I was still struggling with swimming. My mom and I would go to the YMCA pool because we used to have a membership there. My mom would tell me to do four paces of Freestyle or something like that. It had been difficult for me then. Sometimes I choked on water and became very upset. I used to resent swimming. I feared water. Even showering was something I disliked because I might get water in my eyes. Now I don't fear the pool anymore. I guess the toils and trouble turned out to be worth it.

Labels: conversation, deep, fear, fight, france, lunch, magazine, meal, pool, readers digest, shower, struggle, swimming, time, trick, water, weight, YMCA

On Monday, almost the entire eighth grade of my school hopped on buses and headed to Great America, an amusement park in California.

I hadn't been sure whether to go or not. I thought that it would be wasted on me because I cannot go on rides much scarier than the carousel...Since I have gotten carsick, airsick, and seasick in the past, I was sure that riding on a rapidly-spinning ride or a roller coaster would cause me to pass out, throw up, or some other atrocity.

But I didn't want to stay at school, either. For one thing, I had no idea what we would be doing all day, seeing as all our textbooks had been returned and there was nothing academic left to be done.

Also, I had hoped to gather up my courage to try a roller coaster for the first time. (I vaguely remember having ridden one and having been very upset by the experience, but then again, it could be my imagination and not an actual memory, so I instead consider it to be that I had never been on a roller coaster) Since so many young people seemed to enjoy thrill rides, I figured that it would not kill me to at least try it before dismissing it as undesirable.

I traversed the park with two friends. The first place we headed was the Kidzville. (Supposedly, the rides intended for younger children would be milder than the rest of the ones in the park.)

We rode one of those swings that go around in a circle first. I cannot describe how terrifying it was at the beginning... My head felt unsteady and so did my intestines. It was all I could do to not scream and cry and thrash until someone stopped the ride to let me down. I tried closing my eyes. Then I realized that the ride was really just a pattern. As you went around in a circle, you would swing upwards and then drop a little downwards, and that would repeat. It was easier to deal with the nausea if I closed my eyes right before the highest point and opened them once I started to move upwards again. Towards the end of the ride it was bearable and I could look around with some degree of calmness. But then the ride slowed down and we got out of the seats.

hen we went to the roller coaster in Kidzville, but the man working there compared our heights to a pole and said we were too tall. (Maybe he didn't feel like working, so he figured he'd reject people until he felt like taking customers. I mean, it is kind of waste to run a ride for only three people, but it was still annoying since we were only an inch or two too tall. And we were able to go on the swing ride, even though the same height restrictions are used there) Isn't it ironic? I've been considered too short before. So it's unexpected that I'd be told I was too tall for a change.

I thought I wouldn't be able to try a roller coaster because I figured there were no other small roller coasters in the park, but it turned out there was one, the Woodstock Express, in Snoopy Land. I thought we were going to die several times. (There was a point where the ride seemed to stop and then jerked...) And when it was rushing up and down I thought we were going to crash into something or run off the track... And then when it was going around the bend I thought we were going to fall out of the seats... I was so surprised that I was still alive after the ride. (I must have been crazy because later that day I rode the Woodstock Express a second time.)

Nevertheless, I declined offers to go on certain rides such as Berserker and Centrifuge because they seemed far too dizzying for me to handle. But since I wasn't going on as many rides, one of my friends urged me to go on a ride called Whitewater Falls. I thought I was going to die again when we were going down the slope...I didn't pay attention to where I was going and started walking off but then the people working on the ride told me the exit was the other way. Whoopsy-daisy.

I wonder if someday I'll have enough courage to go on one of the really thrilling rides, like Drop Zone or Invertigo. Or perhaps I never will. Maybe I won't ever do it and it'd turn out I would have been fine even if I had gone on those rides. Perhaps I've been afraid unnecessarily. And that fear may have prevented me from doing a lot of things, from taking risks that would have turned out well for me. But at the same time I wouldn't want to be too reckless. Still, I wish I could be a little braver...

Labels: amusement park, children, courage, danger, death, dizzy, fear, great america, height, irony, nausea, pattern, quote, reckless, rides, risk, roller coaster, school, thrill, trip

Secret might not be the right word in this case, seeing as I see bees in public places like near the post office and at schools.

I just felt like using this title. I once read a book called The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. (Unfortunately, I can't quite remember how the ending went because it was a few years ago. I guess if you read a lot of books and if you get distracted by daily life, it's easy to forget the specifics of books you've read.) Apparently there's a movie now, too.

Some time back, I was at the place I usually spend my brunch break at school, when it seemed that a few people were looking at something. I heard someone say, "Oh no! You've killed it!" so I went over to investigate. It was a very weak-looking bee on the ground. It was still alive, but it was unable to fly and grew more and more pitiful until it couldn't even bother to twitch a leg. One of my friends and I tried to bring it back to life, and transported it using a stick to a leaf. It seemed like the bee was unable to hold on to the leaf - it slipped downward little by little, and we became fearful that it would tumble in to the bushes, never to be seen again. But it seemed to regain some semblance of life and started to move a little.

We tried to put it on a flowering tree, but the bee was not interested and fell onto the ground. Then another girl came along, seemingly out of nowhere, and picked up the bee with her hands. The bee seemed to be much more energetic upon being touched by a human and began to move actively. The girl started to walk off, so we followed her to the grass field, where she set the bee down on the grass.

Today I came across another bee, though it was not so close to death as the one I had seen previously. It was still moving along, though it seemed to also be unable to fly. My friends and I tried to get it interested in a flower, but the bee was not interested. It would turn and change directions every time we shoved the flowers in its face. We also tried leaves and sticks but the bee would fall off every time we tried to move it from one place to another. One time it seemed as though we had been successful, as the bee was finally displaying interest in the flowers, but then the bee fell off again. My friend insisted on handing whatever stick or leaf the bee was climbing on to me because she feared the bee would sting her. I think it's fine as long as the bee is unable to move quickly and if you avoid the rear end of the bee. After seeing the girl from before handle a bee, and as they seemed to get along quite well, I am less fearful of bees (at least, bees that are walking on the ground, not the very active bees flying about at the speed of light).

I am hoping to use such logic to convince my mother to let me have a dog. If you are not familiar with something, it is not unusual to be fearful of it. In fact, I was intimidated by dogs, but I've met several of them and realized there is nothing to worry about (except for perhaps abused dogs and dogs with rabies). I've petted dogs and been licked by them and they have not bitten me. Be sure to pay attention to body language of animals, though...If a dog is growling at you, it's best to keep away from it.

My mother hasn't really been around dogs, and she dislikes them. I think it also has to do with my grandma getting bitten by a dog. I wish my mother would give dogs a chance and spend some time with them. She might feel more kindly towards them if she'd only interact with them a little. (If she still dislikes dogs after that, then I can't hold it against her.) My mom continues to say that I can have a dog...When I'm a responsible adult. That will still be quite a few years away. And I'm not patient. Especially when I could die anytime and lose my chance forever.

Labels: bees, bite, book, chance, danger, death, dog, family, fear, ground, humans, insects, interact, life, safety, sting, stubborn, the secret life of bees, transportation, wish

Today, my mom said that I should put my drawings somewhere so I don't lose them. I definitely ought to, because I once had this great drawing of Lucario (well, I just looked at the Pokemon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew movie's DVD cover, and copied it, but whatever) and then I lost it! I was really mad over it. Maybe someday I'll find it again, though. Sometimes I do rediscover my old things.

I used to keep a binder with my drawings. I was 9 years old at the time, so the pictures are not so great. (In fact, some of my pictures from before I was 9 are there. They are silly, but they're amusing to look at) It's been so long since I updated that binder. A few of my dad's drawings are in there, too. He draws really good, even if he was only drawing copies of what was in my "How to Draw Manga" book that I ordered from the Scholastic book catalog one year. I guess both of us are better at imitating other people's art than drawing our own. That's worrisome, because I don't want to be arrested for violating copyrights or something like that.

Not that I'm not interesting in going to jail. To me, jail is similar to school, except they have higher fences. I mean, I heard we have the same meal program. That's not fair, because the students committed crimes (uh...as far as I know, at least) but then, criminals are still people and have rights (though some might be a bit kooky). I heard they serve pizza in jail. That's not so bad, is it? But my parents say I am silly for being curious about going to jail because people beat each other up and it can be quite dangerous. Plus, I heard that prisons in my state are getting overcrowded, and one time there was a riot at jail and some buildings were destroyed and people were injured, so I guess I should find a place with a nice jail. Sydney, Australia used to be where the British sent criminals, I think, and there is still an old prison (not in use anymore, I believe) on a very small island in Sydney Harbor... It must've been the jail with the prettiest view in the world.

Back to the topic, though, before I get sidetracked (as usual! I don't really care if I get sidetracked personally, but it might confuse you, the reader). I also dug out my cello the other day. It's not actually my own cello - it was borrowed from a friend of my mom's. My mom's friend's son (well, one of them) wanted to be in Advanced Orchestra or something along those lines, so he took lessons out of school in cello, but he still couldn't give in, so I suppose he gave up and no one was using the cello. So I took it since at the time I was still taking orchestra. I haven't touched it for a very long time so the bow looks ruined, and the strings are really out of tune. Apparently, depending on the temperature, the strings get loose or tight, so you have to tune string instruments every day. Well, the cello itself is shiny still but it's hard to use it since there aren't notches in the bridge for the strings, so if you're not careful the strings at the very sides could actually fall off the bridge, and then you would to have to put them back on. Very annoying, and scary too. I've been urged to take cello again but I'm not sure if I should yet. For one thing, I am afraid to find out whether I even know how to play reasonably well anymore. And I only did take Beginning Orchestra, so although I have knowledge of music (from playing piano all these years), would I still be able to do vibrato, or hold the bow properly?

I think someday I have to get over that fear. I don't know when that day will come for me. It could be fifty or sixty years from now, when I am retired for real (although I really want to retire, it's unlikely, like WHO WOULD PAY FOR MY EXPENSES? My dad says he will give me his money, but he wants to retire as well).

I'm an easily distracted person, and sometimes I start thinking, and old memories that I had forgotten for so long come back to me. (Thus the title for today's post.) For instance, my carseat. I used to always have to sit in one. It wasn't all that long ago. Maybe third grade or so... I think I started to sit without a carseat in maybe fourth grade? (Hey! Maybe that's why I started getting carsick! I didn't have a carseat any longer) I wonder where it is now. Is it in the garage? Or has it been given away? Sometimes I think it's so weird how I could forget about something that I had for so long. But then again, I guess people are always preoccupied with their current lives and don't have that much time to think about the past. It's kind of sad that way. Life is so rushed, and technology actually seems to be making it busier instead of less busy...

Labels: australia, binder, carseat, carsick, cello, copy, crime, drawing, fear, instrument, jail, life, lucario, memories, orchestra, overcrowding, pokemon, retirement, sydney

Just today, I was doing my vocabulary homework for language arts. We all have workbooks which we purchase at the beginning of the year. Each week, sometimes every other week or every third week, etc. (depending on what the teacher has in mind, sometimes we do vocabulary from stories we read instead) we'll complete some homework about the words and then take a simple test to prove we know them. I sort of did this in sixth grade. If I recall correctly, the cover was an interesting picture (artist's name I've forgotten, unfortunately) of birds and fish in black and white. Slowly the birds turn into fish. It's fascinating.

Yikes, I'm getting sidetracked (but that's just me, I suppose). Well, I was reading some paragraphs for the Reading Comprehension section of the workbook, and it said in the last paragraph this: "Of course, there are plenty of people who spend their lives focused on infantile, selfish concerns. Fortunately, for all of us, there are also remarkable people who find their pleasure in helping others." I am going to take this is a a personal insult. What if the author of the vocab book is referring to me? Eh?! I thought textbooks were supposed to be objective, not subjective, but I guess since vocabulary books aren't like history textbooks (history books really, really shouldn't be biased, as one side could have a totally different opinion from the other).

Well, I'm having second thoughts about the braces again, and stuff like that. My mom said I can decide not to if I want, but... For one thing, the orthodontists all seem eager for money or something. I sympathize with them - I'd like to be able to spend more time with my family and retire, too. But you know, being a doctor is more than fixing people's teeth (which, by the way, doesn't always work; I saw pictures of Before and After of a boy who had braces, and the thing that I found funny was that his previously normal-looking cheeks had become puffed out, like he had gained some weight, so maybe having braces can have some...unforseen side effects. No offense to that guy intended), I think it's also tending to people's minds, making them feel at ease and happy to be at the office, instead of being afraid (ever seen a children's story about a child who was scared of the dentist? But I did hear there are a few, rare people who actually enjoy having braces). Hehe, that was something deep. Write it down so you won't forget.

One of my friends has also become one of the Scissorhands bunch lately. I was eating lunch and she made scissor motions with her hands. First my math teacher, now her...Looks like something's catching on.

I have noticed that I behave a bit unusually at times. For instance, I eat the foods I don't like first and the foods I like last. (Some other people do that too nowadays) My parents find that annoying, just like they find it annoying that I can't use things I haven't learned yet in my proofs. (In my math class, once you learn a proof or something, then you can use it in problems, but my dad thinks you should be able to use anything as long as you know that it is CORRECT, regardless if you learned it from the teacher or somewhere else)

Also, I get really annoyed by water bottles that are steamed up. Sometimes, on hot days, my plastic water bottles get steamed up. (Sorry, plastic water bottles are really bad for the environment, I know, but they're more convenient...) Whenever I see it, I have to dump the water bottle upside down - cap on so the water won't get out - so that way the steam gets cleared up.

By the way, this is really random, but I think I might've lost one of my erasers. I've been carrying around this eraser for a while now, since sometime last school year, actually. I found it on the ground in the computer lab and there was a name written on it. It said "Ria". I met someone called Ria before so I've been looking for her so I can ask if it's hers, but I haven't seen her since maybe sixth grade, which is a loooooong time ago. I thought she would still be in the school, but seriously, I have not seen her. Maybe she's moved and it's too late now to return the eraser...

Labels: biase, braces, dentist, eraser, favorite, fear, homework, illusion, money, objective, opinion, order, ria, scissorhands, selfish, steam, subjective, vocabulary, water bottles, weight

For homework, I was reading the Declaration of Independence (well, I have no idea if the whole thing is in there, considering how the textbook skips various events in history). There was a phrase in the Declaration, saying that the colonies of the America were separating from Britain and so they would now have the same relationship with Britain as they did with the rest of the world - "Enemies in war, in peace friends". The grammar does sound a little odd. But then again, back then the writing was a lot different. D: I wonder, though, when you fight with someone, would be you be enemies with them automatically, and then be friends again as soon as you stopped fighting? (But I guess the relationship between two larger bodies, like countries, might be different than the relationship between two people)

I learned something curious about my history teacher just the other day. I usually arrive a bit early for class, and since it's cold outside, I go inside and sit down and start getting ready, or I read a book. My teacher was sitting, staring at the screen of his laptop. I thought all was as normal, but suddenly he started talking. "Crossyourfingerscrossyourfingers... Awww!" he said, among other things. One of the students, who was just walking in, was freaked out and backed away. A person already in the room told my teacher, "Uh, you scared ____ away." (I use underscores to keep the person's name private) The teacher seemed unperturbed, saying, "That happens." So then the other student told the one who had gotten intimidated, "It's okay, _____, he wasn't talking to you, he was talking to his computer."

The teacher explained what he was talking about. See, apparently he likes to play fantasy football (basically like fantasy golf, which is like gambling, sort of, it's not a video game or anything). He had the choice of either a very good player who was facing a good defender, or a not-so-good player who was facing a bad defender. He went with the not-so-good player, which was a mistake, since the very good player scored 4 points and threw the ball quite far but the not-so-good player didn't throw so far, had a fumble (not that I really understand football terminology, but oh well) and only scored 1 point. My teacher sighed and said, "There go my perfect rankings this week." (Wow, I guess even people of different generations - my dad, and my teacher, who is quite a bit younger than my dad - can have similar interests)

I've taken to using a whiteboard that I bought some time ago. I've had the whiteboard for a year or two already, but I didn't use it much before, besides occasionally copying Chinese characters whenever I saw them onto the board. Now I've started writing things that I need to do at the bottom of the whiteboard. This way things actually get done, and though I still procrastinate, I don't put things off as much as before. I'm glad to be able to put my whiteboard to use. (The only problem is that the markers smell kind of nasty when you use them a lot)

We've moved on from lacrosse in PE. I really liked lacrosse, so I'm sad that we're not doing it anymore. I'm scared of "missiles" flying toward me, and so I have trouble in ultimate frisbee and volleyball, which are sports where you have to react quickly to catch or hit dangerous objects. At least in lacrosse you are armed with a net/stick/whatever you call it and so it gives me a feeling of some sort of security. I keep thinking of the lacrosse net as a bug-catching net, though, so when I saw a butterfly I tried to catch it. I actually snagged it by covering it on the ground, but then it flew out of a hole in the net. Grr. Oh well. Butterflies don't live that long anyhow and it would have a miserable life if I actually caught it and took it home, unless I were to release in my backyard.

Labels: britain, bugs, butterfly, colonies, declaration of independence, enemies, england, fantasy football, fantasy golf, fear, friends, lacrosse, PE class, peace, sports, to do list, war, whiteboard

Yet again this is a book title, and yet again I haven't read the book... (By the way, it's by Garth Nix, and my mom's friend's daughter was reading it the last time we went to their house, which was...not that recent) I think I may have found the answer to what I was wondering about in my previous post, "◆ something wicked this way comes". I found another clue yesterday, which was a dead worm on the ground, when I was walking home. I think I sort of understand what it could mean. I have two guesses...

1. If birds, then worms. If worms, then soil. If soil, then nutrients. I am trying to put it in conditional form. But maybes that's a little confusing, so I'll just say this; I saw dead birds, and birds eat worms (at least some birds do). And worms live in the soil, recycling the nutrients. So it must be related to nutrition. Maybe I or someone in my family has a health problem to do with nutrition.

2. Remember the eight crows, a symbol of heaven? I think someone is going to die or has died and will be buried in the soil, and recycled by the worms. And it means that person is going to heaven (which I have no idea about as I am an atheist but this post is not meant to be about religion anyhow). I am hoping that whoever died is not someone who I hold dear.

Then again, all this could be something invented by my imagination. I am the sort of person who sometimes hallucinates so perhaps my lack of sleep is getting to me. (I am waking up early, either due to stress, or the heat, or some other reason) Or perhaps it's just because I have trouble paying attention in class after a while and end up distracting myself since I no longer read books in class. (This proves to be a problem since I take forever to finish books if I don't read them in school. But if I read them in school, I'll get ratted out and the teachers will have steamed broccoli.)

Recently it was the birthday of one of my friends, so I brought her two balloons. I wrote on one of them. It was very nerve-wracking for me since I am freaked out by anything that makes a noise when exploding. I was afraid of fireworks when I was younger and when people pop the air in their plastic bags, that scares me as well. My dad says the balloons have good enough quality not too pop, but who knows...I did an activity last year in school where my two partners and I drew the continents, oceans, etc. on the balloon (I wrote about it, and how it lived for a month before popping, in posts a few months ago). Some people popped their balloons because they applied too much pressure. Poor balloons.

Labels: balloon, birthday, books, conditional form, death, fear, geometry, heaven, imagination, loud, nutrients, nutrition, popped, school, small world, soil, the keys to the kingdom, worm

I'm so glad it rained today! It's been so long since the last time it rained (February? March? Maybe somewhere around there?) that my skin has been dry for a long time. I've always suffered from skin problems, even in my baby pictures. When I was still really young, I smiled, but when I got a little older I had a terrible rash on my forehead and I cried in all the pictures. XD

We went to the flea market this morning, and I bought an orchid. I like to spend my money, even if whatever I bought wasn't particularly useful. D: Then it started to rain, and my mom and grandma got really scared by it. I guess my grandma is scared of the sun, the rain, dogs, cats, ants... Maybe it's partially genetic.

Labels: crying, dry, family, fear, genetics, orchid, picture, rain, rash, skin, spending money, the treasures of weatherby

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