When I was on my school trip to Yosemite National Park, I spent quite a bit of time with a classmate from 7th grade. We had been friendly then, but not particularly close - we don't eat lunch together or have any of the same classes, so the most we really did during this school year was wave when we saw each other. However, on the Yosemite trip, I was in the same hiking group as her, and since that made her in the same rotation as me, I stuck with her whenever I could. (After all, I couldn't really stay with my cabinmates what with them being in a different rotation.)

Well, one day, she asked me a question out of the blue, which she had thought up spontaneously, "Do you know what the difference between a main friend and a best friend is?" It was one of the oddest questions I'd ever been asked. I'd never heard the term "main friend" before.

The girl considered main friends to be people who you spend time with on a regular basis - your usual group of friends - while she thought of best friends to be people who you were with practically all the time. She said that she hadn't really ever had a best friend. She asked another girl the same question that she'd asked me and got pretty much the same interpretation.

I, however, had a different opinion. I agreed with what "main friends" are, but I thought "best friends" were not necessarily the people always by your side. I thought best friends were people who you could really trust, who you really felt in tune with. People who you feel you can always be yourself around and they'll still like you for it. (Which begs the question: If you put on a mask when you're around your friends, are they really your friends at all?) The girl who asked me the question says she thinks that the two people who were my cabinmates were my best friends. Are they? I hold them in high esteem and I am with them every day (well, besides the weekend). In her definition of a best friend, they are my best friends. I would like to call them my best friends in my definition too, but I'm still considering which of the friends I have had are really, really best friends.

Anyhow, something interesting went on at school the other day. There were assemblies during the day because the son of one of the teachers was visiting California for a performance. He is part of a group of musicians called the 5th House Ensemble. There are a total of 10 musicians, but we only saw 3 of them since 7 were not available to come to our school. The teacher's son plays the piano, while the two other people who came played the cello and flute. They talked about how music is connected to imagery, and they played us some pieces. Then they asked us to pick the picture that we thought best suited the music out of four options.

The options were:
- A picture of nighttime and two people dancing
- A picture of a dog wearing a little costume
- A picture of a cafe at nighttime (it was a painting by Vincent Van Gogh)
- A picture of...Well...It was rather abstract.

Unfortunately, many students thought it would be funny to pick the picture of the dog, even though it really had little relation to the music (the music was dark and brooding and intense, and perhaps the fourth option would have suited it best). But I suppose the kids should have their fun while they're young and have more chances to.

The last piece played by the 5th House Ensemble was a song that is supposed to make you feel like you're underwater. (Sadly, I don't remember the name of the composer, though I believe the part of the music we heard was called The Sea Nocturne or something along those lines) Performers of this set of music put on black masks, shine blue light on themselves (today's performers just showed an animated image of the ocean), and use their instruments in odd ways. The cello can produce a sound that is somewhat like the sound seagulls make. Glass can be placed inside of a piano and a chisel can be used to hit it, but we didn't get to see the fancy stuff with the piano because it only works with a grand piano and the school only has a stand-up kind. I'd like to try it at home, but the piano player said it wasn't a good idea, and you'd have to do it a special way anyhow to avoid damaging your piano.

Their profession is great. They can do what they love and make money off it. While I was at Yosemite, the chaperone and hiking group leader encouraged us to follow our dreams, and not take on a job that we feel like we have to, such as for money's sake. And they said that if you can get a job that you love and that pays you a lot, then that's great. (But of course there's a lot of cases in which you can't have both.)

Labels: 5th house ensemble, best friend, career, dog, dreams, friends, friendship, imagery, instrument, job, main friend, money, music, ocean, people, picture, question, school, van gogh, yosemite

This is a phrase that I learned from orchestra, which I used to take back in 6th grade. I think it was on a wall hanging that my teacher had.

Music didn't used to be a big part of my life. Sure, I'd always heard classical music and the sort of music my dad listened to (John Denver, the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Kenny Rogers, Lionel Richie, and so on). And I started taking piano around the age 5 or 6. But at first it wasn't a big deal for me. It grew in importance only after time passed.

We would take music just maybe once or twice a week in elementary school. Mostly we sang, but occasionally we got to play the drums or xylophones, and I always loved that. I thought it was fun - it was something I didn't get to do often, unlike piano, which I had to practice everyday, and I was frustrated by playing piano. I had already accomplished my original reason for starting, which was playing the song Fur Elise (it's really not that hard a song, but it's pretty famous). I was not too good at controlling my temper (and I'm still having trouble in that regard...) so sometimes I would get violent and try to punch the piano or scratch it. Usually resulted in me getting hurt. One time I got mad at Bach (sorry, Bach, but I can't say I'm the biggest fan of your music) and tore part of my book. Not a good idea. Now I can't really put it back together.

I wasn't really a prominent singer either. I suppose I wasn't the worst (no matter what you think, there are always people better than you and always people worse than you, simply because we're all different, and anyways, how good your life is also depends on how you perceive it) but I wasn't the best, either. I mean, I couldn't hit certain pitches and I just really hate it when I'm trying to sing something and it sounds off tune and messed up. I suppose maybe if I practiced very seriously I could improve it, but I'm a lazy person, and anyways I wasn't really considering a career as a singer.

But in seventh grade, I started to listen to music. If you've watched anime, you've probably noticed that there are opening and ending songs, and there's also insert music you might hear during episodes. After a while I started a playlist, and that's when my exploration of music really accelerated. I didn't even listen to English songs much before, but then I started listening to music in Japanese, and even a little in English and Korean. (No French yet, I'm afraid, but maybe someday I'll try it out)

I didn't used to enjoy playing the piano so much, but now I do. I feel like it's a way to unwind at the end of the day by hearing something nice that you yourself worked hard to create (by practicing all these years). And it's a good way to relieve stress, at least for me. I think music is how people who can't necessarily put their thoughts into words express themselves.

I feel guilty because I used to be so mean to my piano. I was often frustrated by not being able to get a certain part right or not being able to play loudly enough (my hands were small - and they still are - and I didn't have much muscle strength). It seems funny now, because I hear the younger students of my piano teacher have trouble making a loud sound on one of her pianos, but I thought it was fairly easy. I suppose they'll be able to handle it when they're older.

My piano has always been there for me, ever since I first obtained it so many years ago. It's always been sitting in the same spot, patiently waiting for me to play it. If I were to tell my problems to it, there is no risk of the piano telling anyone else or being repulsed by what I say. (Though it might look a bit funny, if I were talking to an inanimate object. There are psychologists near my house, after all.) That does make me concerned, though; if I go to college and I can't live at home since it's far away, what can I do about the piano? Should I have it moved? (But if I lived in an apartment or dorm, it'd probably take up too much space.) Or do I have to give up playing the piano? The latter choice seems painful. (I don't want to have to buy a stand-up piano just for when I'm away from home, however, so I don't see what I can do about it.)

Not long ago, I read a bout called A Crooked Kind of Perfect by Linda Urban. It's not a difficult book to understand, but I thought it was pretty nice. What piqued my interest was that the main character plays the organ. I've never played the organ and have always thought of it as an antiquated instrument seeing as I've only really seen it in old churches and other historical, touristy buildings. Apparently, the organ needs to be turned on and various rhythm styles (this leads me to think it is actually kind of like a keyboard...). I've never met anyone who has played the organ, so I'm really curious about it.

Labels: a crooked kind of perfect, anger management, anime, bach, best friend, book, challenge, college, expression, fur elise, instrument, moving, music, organ, piano, school, self, singing, strength, stress

Well, I wasn't really under house arrest. But I thought it kind of made sense considering the kind of dream I had last night.

In the dream, I was not in my home. It was in someone else's home, though my dad's friend and his son were also there. However, my father seemed to be missing. Perhaps we had been staying at the house. I was told that I had to go stay in the prison. There were two signs in the house, both of which had an apple symbol on them for some reason, and the signs led to two different jail cells, I guess. I wailed, "Do I really have to go?" My mom said that yes, I had to, it was for the best. The people at the house recommended one of the jail cells. I wasn't sure how to get into it since it seemed like just a vent. Then I pulled up and realized underneath the floor was a big room! It was filled with guitars and CDs. There was a bed (and maybe a computer, but I can't remember). I hopped down, deciding being imprisoned wouldn't be so bad after all. But then I wondered how I would get up to go to the bathroom at night...

I had another dream before that, where I was going to go to my mom's friend's house. I thought we were in Yosemite. My dad and I were walking in a place with those barbed wire fences and plants. There was a big gap in the fence where you could see a splendid view. A tree stood on top of a very tall and thin hill, and there was a lot of space around it. And surrounding the big chasm was rocky mountainous walls. I was going to take a photo, but my dad pulled me away before we had the chance. Then we went to my mom's friend's house. I don't know why, but my mom's friend introduced herself to me. I just kind of shrugged and went to explore the house. In one room, there were some kids, like a girl maybe around my age and a younger boy and someone else, and they were playing a game. (I'm guessing a card game but my memory is failing.) I joined in, but they were cheating and playing by ridiculous rules. I got angry and through down my cards and stalked off. The kids just laughed. I wanted to go back to the place with the great view. (Apparently in my dream Yosemite National Park is not somewhere you have to drive to get to but it is actually partially in the town that my mom's friend lived in) I walked down the street. It was nighttime now and some signs were starting to get lit up. I think I saw a Circus Circus sign. I think I must've been in a gambling town or something. (But it was nothing like Reno or Las Vegas or Monte Carlo.) I can't remember much else.

The earliest dream of the three that I had recently was a dream about my JubJub. I have this plushie of a kind of pet that looks like a head with little feet on it. I thought it was cute when I got it (from McDonalds with my Happy Meal in...2nd grade?). It looks like this.

My mother said to me, "We are selling JubJub." I was very upset and started to cry. My mother wouldn't budge. Apparently she really needed the money. I woke up feeling just awful, but then I figured out it was a dream and was greatly relieved.

Today I participated in a piano recital. It was at a local church, which is rented by various music teachers for their recitals. As a kind of promotion, or maybe a bonus, there was a recital with all the teachers renting the place in the first half of the year showing off their best students. I didn't want to go, but I figured it might make my piano teacher upset if I refused, so I went. I think I messed up very obviously one time. And I was scared to death before; my legs were shaking, my hands were cold, and my heartbeat was amazingly high. (Sadly, even exercise can't make my heartbeat that high. Only public performing can. Oddly enough, one time when I had my heartbeat taken at the doctor's office, it was really slow. I think it was about 44 or 46 beats per minute. That's scary. Only athletes are supposed to have such slow heartrates. In fact, children 6-15 should have a heartbeat of 70-100. My dad insulted me by saying I wasn't active enough) Still, I feel like I was able to put my emotions into my music, and that's good enough for me.

I stayed a while to listen to other students. I also listened to the students that came before me. (My teacher's students perform towards the middle of the recital) There were quite a few violinists there. I suppose this is the "cream of the crop" as they all played with vibrato. However, the high notes sounded kind of nasty. (But I guess it might always be like that for violin. That's one of the reasons I picked cello. And I think my old orchestra teacher once said that people who use that high-pitched E string on their violins should be shot.) But they were talented students, I can say that much. There was one cello player. My mom says he didn't have a good attitude since he wore casual clothing, and when he was walking up the aisle he didn't lift the cello high enough so the part on the bottom of the cello hit the ground. But the song he played was good. It felt very sad and I was getting really emotional at first. The song sounded pretty cool, like it should be in a touching movie or something.

I actually really liked the part where a young boy and a woman (was it a relative of his? Was it his teacher? I forget) played together on the piano. It was a simple song, I think Liszt was the composer...Unfortunately, I don't remember the song name, and it wasn't on the program paper (each performer tells the audience their name and what they're performing). But they played in unison and that simple song sounded beautiful. I was inspired to play it. (But I don't have anyone at my house who could play a duet with me...Unless I were to teach my parents to play the piano...)

Labels: casino, church, dream, duet, family, friends, games, heart rate, house, instrument, jubjub, neopets, photography, piano, plushie, prison, recital, room, song, yosemite

Today, my mom said that I should put my drawings somewhere so I don't lose them. I definitely ought to, because I once had this great drawing of Lucario (well, I just looked at the Pokemon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew movie's DVD cover, and copied it, but whatever) and then I lost it! I was really mad over it. Maybe someday I'll find it again, though. Sometimes I do rediscover my old things.

I used to keep a binder with my drawings. I was 9 years old at the time, so the pictures are not so great. (In fact, some of my pictures from before I was 9 are there. They are silly, but they're amusing to look at) It's been so long since I updated that binder. A few of my dad's drawings are in there, too. He draws really good, even if he was only drawing copies of what was in my "How to Draw Manga" book that I ordered from the Scholastic book catalog one year. I guess both of us are better at imitating other people's art than drawing our own. That's worrisome, because I don't want to be arrested for violating copyrights or something like that.

Not that I'm not interesting in going to jail. To me, jail is similar to school, except they have higher fences. I mean, I heard we have the same meal program. That's not fair, because the students committed crimes (uh...as far as I know, at least) but then, criminals are still people and have rights (though some might be a bit kooky). I heard they serve pizza in jail. That's not so bad, is it? But my parents say I am silly for being curious about going to jail because people beat each other up and it can be quite dangerous. Plus, I heard that prisons in my state are getting overcrowded, and one time there was a riot at jail and some buildings were destroyed and people were injured, so I guess I should find a place with a nice jail. Sydney, Australia used to be where the British sent criminals, I think, and there is still an old prison (not in use anymore, I believe) on a very small island in Sydney Harbor... It must've been the jail with the prettiest view in the world.

Back to the topic, though, before I get sidetracked (as usual! I don't really care if I get sidetracked personally, but it might confuse you, the reader). I also dug out my cello the other day. It's not actually my own cello - it was borrowed from a friend of my mom's. My mom's friend's son (well, one of them) wanted to be in Advanced Orchestra or something along those lines, so he took lessons out of school in cello, but he still couldn't give in, so I suppose he gave up and no one was using the cello. So I took it since at the time I was still taking orchestra. I haven't touched it for a very long time so the bow looks ruined, and the strings are really out of tune. Apparently, depending on the temperature, the strings get loose or tight, so you have to tune string instruments every day. Well, the cello itself is shiny still but it's hard to use it since there aren't notches in the bridge for the strings, so if you're not careful the strings at the very sides could actually fall off the bridge, and then you would to have to put them back on. Very annoying, and scary too. I've been urged to take cello again but I'm not sure if I should yet. For one thing, I am afraid to find out whether I even know how to play reasonably well anymore. And I only did take Beginning Orchestra, so although I have knowledge of music (from playing piano all these years), would I still be able to do vibrato, or hold the bow properly?

I think someday I have to get over that fear. I don't know when that day will come for me. It could be fifty or sixty years from now, when I am retired for real (although I really want to retire, it's unlikely, like WHO WOULD PAY FOR MY EXPENSES? My dad says he will give me his money, but he wants to retire as well).

I'm an easily distracted person, and sometimes I start thinking, and old memories that I had forgotten for so long come back to me. (Thus the title for today's post.) For instance, my carseat. I used to always have to sit in one. It wasn't all that long ago. Maybe third grade or so... I think I started to sit without a carseat in maybe fourth grade? (Hey! Maybe that's why I started getting carsick! I didn't have a carseat any longer) I wonder where it is now. Is it in the garage? Or has it been given away? Sometimes I think it's so weird how I could forget about something that I had for so long. But then again, I guess people are always preoccupied with their current lives and don't have that much time to think about the past. It's kind of sad that way. Life is so rushed, and technology actually seems to be making it busier instead of less busy...

Labels: australia, binder, carseat, carsick, cello, copy, crime, drawing, fear, instrument, jail, life, lucario, memories, orchestra, overcrowding, pokemon, retirement, sydney

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