I always seem to be addicted to one thing or another...Such has been the pattern since I was a young girl. Most of the addictions I had were having to do with video games and other electronics.

Anime (which led to japanese pop and rock)
If you count Pokemon and/or Sailor Moon, then I first watched it before I was in kindergarten (I remember watching Pokemon with a preschool friend of mine). I think I was the most aggressive about watching anime during 6th and 7th grade; I kept watching in 8th grade, though not nearly as much. And after going into high school I haven't had as much time for it. But I still managed to get some in here and there.

Pokemon games (which led to other video games)
Started when a friend introduced me to them around 2nd grade or so. I was obsessed up until about 8th grade, where I lost interest for a while, but had a few phases of readdiction to an older Pokemon game, LeafGreen. (Unfortunately, I have since fallen off the bandwagon and I am no longer actively keeping up with Pokemon. All I know is that Black and White are supposed to come out soon, and that there's some dude called N with green hair who seems to be popular.)

Neopets
First played it in 1st grade, made account but never got rich and kept forgetting the password. Finally stuck to one account and worked very hard on it. I did accomplish a lot, but now I don't think it was worth the time because I no longer do much on Neopets (got too busy in high school and didn't finish the most recent plot). Probably not going to pick it up seriously again, but who knows?

Nutrinopets (which led to role-playing and graphics)
Actually was bored by the site at first, but returned some months later and decided to become more active. I was invited to a club, and that's how I discovered the forums of the site. It used to be quite active, but I saw people leave and move on with their lives as time went on. The site went down when I was in 8th grade and it's not here anymore. It's through Nutrinopets that I discovered role-playing, graphics, and my obsession with big numbers, particularly when it comes to forum posts (I had well over 20,000 forum posts, though sadly it's all gone to waste, but I'm glad that I no longer have the obligation to visit the site).

Gaia Online
Another forum; I think I was addicted to this before I got into Nutrinopets, actually, but I didn't stay on Gaia nearly as long. I think that's how my childhood innocence got spoiled. Got my first taste of seeing lots of swearing and more inappropriate stuff. -_-;; Mostly I just liked to make money and get items for my avatar. My account got deactivated because I was too young, and I had trouble getting it back once I did turn 13. I still go to Gaia sometimes, but it's really not that interesting to me. :\

The Sims 2 and 3
I really enjoy things that I can customize and control at my will, so making virtual people achieve things was pleasing to me... (If only it were that easy in real life to become a master chef, buy a huge house, or be friends with with 30 people... Though the third one's already too much work in video games XD)

Crunchyroll
Originally joined the site because they had an anime episode that I was having trouble finding elsewhere on the Internet. Abandoned my account for a long time before a friend of mine encouraged me to become active on the site. I don't have a very positive view of the site anymore (though I haven't completely quit because I'm too attached to it D: ). There's really a lot of people there, though, as well as many talented graphics-makers.

DeviantArt (which led to PHOTOGRAPHY!)
Another site that I was inactive on at first, but later became a frequent visitor. I started out only posting graphics, but then I decided to put up a few of my old vacation photos, and eventually photography became the main focus of my gallery. I'm grateful to DeviantArt because I probably wouldn't have been inspired to get into photography without it.

Youtube/Vocaloids/Nico Nico singers
A friend of mine suggested some Vocaloid songs to listen to (I believe Magnet was one of them; I forget the rest. But Magnet was the one that stood out to me; although it's not my favorite song, I know more of its lyrics than any other Vocaloid song). I knew about Vocaloids from seeing the artwork (particularly on Zerochan.net) and I'd listened to one or two songs of the Vocaloids before, but I guess those songs weren't very good since I hadn't liked Vocaloids back then. I'd thought they were too robotic-sounding and that I preferred "real" Japanese singers. Then I was made aware that there are actually members of the site Nico Nico Douga who make covers of the Vocaloid songs: basically, they sing the Vocaloid songs themselves and put it up on the Internet. They're quite talented and some have actually become professional singers. (Just see Pico, he's even got his own Vocaloid based off of himself now!) Well, you already saw my Valshe spam. I'll probably post more videos of the Nico Nico singers' music in the future.

I've had a bunch of other mini-addictions as well, to series such as Angelic Layer, Sola, Ouran High School Host Club, Pretear, Skip Beat, Durarara!!...and to video game franchises like Harvest Moon, Super Smash Bros...I wonder, will I ever break free from this cycle?

I can already feel myself being sucked into it again. I've seen two websites for the Dollars. It's a fictional group from the series Durarara!! but people have taken it upon themselves to make an actual site. There's a Dollars forum and a Dollars BBS. (If you don't know the password to get in, just ask me or whoever else you know that's a Durarara!! fan) You may realize that many of the sites I frequented in the past were sites with active forums. I've always preferred forums to chatting (chatting is too fast-paced, a bit harder to multitask), and I can't help but be attracted when I see a forum that might suit an otaku like myself.

I probably won't join the Dollars, at least not yet, because of the amount of users (not quite enough...it seems like the size is like Nutrinopets was when it was waning in activity, and I don't really want a repeat of the past). There is another prospective that looks very good to me, Vocaloid Otaku. It's a forum focused on Vocaloids and it's more active than the Dollars forum...If I join, though, I'm bound to get addicted and waste even more time on the Internet, which really is not in my best interests. It's so tempting, though! It would give me an excuse to make graphics (I could make myself an avatar with a matching signature banner). And making new accounts is always interesting for me. I'll hold back for now.

Labels: addiction, anime, crunchyroll, deviantart, dollars, durarara, forum, gaia online, internet, music, neopets, nutrinopets, otaku, pokemon, the sims, video games, vocaloid, vocaloids

All goods things must come to an end. I just finished the Durarara anime yesterday, and was briefly at a loss for what to watch next, before remembering that I'd meant to watch Spice and Wolf, so I'm watching that now. I really hope it gets more exciting; I've only seen two episodes, but right now I don't feel that interested in it.

I always get a little disheartened after finishing a good series. I was really excited while I was watching Eureka Seven, Code Geass, and Boys Over Flowers in the first semester, but once I got close to the end of those shows, I always seemed to enter a gloomy period (might just be coincidental, but I like to think that there's cause and effect going on here). Well, I guess I could easily remedy that by watching and reading nothing but "good" anime and manga. But if I were to always spend my time dabbling in the best of the best, wouldn't I become unable to appreciate how good it was? After all, I just read somewhere earlier today that there has to be dark to see the light.

But anyways, I thought Durarara really came into its own in the second half of the anime (I can only speak in these terms because I haven't read the manga...I would like to read more manga in the future, but it's sometimes hard to find a good one that's already finished and doesn't have a ridiculous amount of chapters.) I liked a lot of the characters, and at first I wasn't sure what I thought of Shizuo because he smoked and seemed to become violent for no reason, though I have as of late become quite fond of him. I'm a big fan of Celty ♥

Though I wouldn't really say that Kida is one of my favorite characters in Durarara, I feel like I have the most connection to him. There were, in the past things he did - or didn't do, and he tries and tries and tries to move on, and yet he's still his own prisoner. It's one thing to forgive someone else, but it's another to forgive yourself...For failing to act at an important moment. What would you rather do? Regret what you've done, or regret what you didn't do?

When I get depressed, which is unfortunately pretty often, all the things I messed up in the past come back to me. It's like I keep opening my wounds all over again even after they healed, just like what I always did with the part on the other side of my knee - you know, on the back of your leg, the place where your leg bends? It often got itchy and I couldn't help but scratch it, and sometimes it turned red and pretty nasty. At least the pain kept me from scratching it, but while it was healing it would be itchy again, and so the wounds never really closed (well, until the weather changed, that usually made it less itchy so I'd finally stop scratching it). The body does have important messages to tell the mind, and I'm not just referring to problems dealing with your past, but also to health problems not having to do with the brain... These days I've seen many people coming down with illnesses and having to be hospitalized...I'm not able to discuss anything more than that, but it has been a very misfortunate time indeed.

Labels: anime, appreciation, celty, characters, depression, durarara, fear, good, health, itchy, kida, past, problem, questions, regret, shizuo

I've recently been learning about logarithms in my math class, and it has not been going well. So far this semester, math had not been as challenging as I'd expected, up until I got to logs. They seemed simple enough, and I thought that I understood them...But I found out during the most recent math quiz that I really don't understand them at all. I couldn't even finish the quiz in time. It was really a slap in the face. I knew I'd been getting overconfident about tests; I studied less and less as the year went on.

It's tempting for me to just blame it on the fact that there weren't the kind of problems on the test in the textbook - nothing to study with. But if I'd actually been trying hard enough to study, maybe I would've realized that. Maybe I would've gone looking for problems, made up my own, just done something. Anything.

I started to write this post before, but I completely forgot about it; my memory hasn't been good for quite a long time, and I haven't been sleeping too well lately. I wake up in the middle of the night, and then I can't get back to sleep again for a long time, if at all. I've been pretty tired during the day, and one of my friends even asked me if I was okay, saying that I seemed out of it. But I guess being sleep-deprived hasn't been as bad I as I expected. I thought I would pass out in the middle of class or something.

People do pass out, though. The reasons are unclear; could be dehydration. A couple of weeks ago, I was minding my own business in science class when I heard a loud thump. One of my classmates had just fallen out of her stool. The teacher called the office, and a woman came into the classroom with a wheelchair to take away my classmate. Thankfully she wasn't badly injured after all and was back to class the next day. Crazy enough for one person to faint, but the teacher said she'd seen it happen before. There was even a student who practically did a backflip when she fell out of the stool.

But even such things are a part of normal life, are they not? I don't know anymore if there is a such thing as normal anymore. You'll see that idea in Durarara!! and in Inception, both of which were (perhaps still are) quite popular, and not without reason. Inception is one of those movies where you have to pay attention - if you're multitasking the way I tend to, then you might look back at the screen and realize you don't know what the people are doing or where they are. Still, it was a riveting movie, and one of the few movies with lots of explosions and guns that I actually liked, seeing as am I'm generally more of a fan of comedies. If you haven't watched it, I definitely recommend Inception.

Labels: algebra, anime, durarara, faint, health, inception, life, logarithm, logs, math, movie, normal, quiz, sleep

The most recent edition of Reader's Digest, February 2011's issue, has made me depressed about what I eat. People who eat 5 or more cups of white rice per week are 17% more likely to develop diabetes, compared to those who eat less than 1 serving per month. Also, most people have to stay under 20 grams of net carbs per day (meaning the grams of carbs minus the grams of fiber in a food). Two slices of bread contain about 24 grams of net carbs, and pasta has 40 grams per cup. I eat bread, rice, and/or pasta pretty much all week. So I can either choose to pursue my goal of weight loss and suffer, or I can become a glutton and enjoy myself but have pangs of guilt all the time...

...And stomachaches, too. These days I tend to eat when I see something tasty, instead of because I'm hungry, so I have to stay away from the kitchen, bakeries, grocery stores, even my own school during lunchtime. I guess it's like this quote I saw on the Internet; it said that you never really stop being addicted to things, you just get addicted to something else. If only I could stay addicted to something that wouldn't sap my energy and time, the way various websites and video games have done to me. I figure I ought to do something more useful at least, since those things that I think I'm doing for fun don't really make me happy anymore. What I'd really like to do is just live a slacker lifestyle - get up late, eat when I feel like it, work on my character designs, read a lot of books, go on walks to take photographs, practice drawing, go to bed when I'm tired. But considering how many years of school and a career that I have ahead of me, I wonder when, if ever, it'll become a reality.

Oh, but today, January 23 (the publishing time shown for this post is actually the time I first saved this post, not always the real time that I posted it!), I did get to eat some delicious food, so I am pleased. I had spaghetti with beef as dinner (my dad makes some nice spaghetti, I haven't tasted one like it in restaurants, though I like almost all pasta in general), and then I had a little taste of chocolate crumble. It's a cakish, soft brownie kind of thing. One of my classmates from French class and I made it for our cooking project. Too bad I have to bring it to school and give away the pieces. I'd rather just eat the whole thing myself, it's so sweet and chocolatey. (It was kind of a hassle to make, though, I suppose it'll be a long time before I eat it again.) Ahh, it makes me miss being on a cruise ship. I love how there's a buffet and you've already paid for it so you can eat what you like, when you like. It was so nice getting to eat cheesecake and chocolate cake. But gosh, I should stop talking about it, it's just going to make me hungry again.

I really haven't had much to write about lately, so I guess I'll just end with saying that I am currently watching Durarara! and I'm reading Kaichou wa Maid-Sama. Both were fairly popular series, so I thought I ought to check them out. At first I was dubious, since sometimes popular things turn out pretty disappointing (like the Twilight series, Edward bores me) but so far both Durarara! and Kaichou wa Maid-Sama are fair enough. I watched Toradora! not long ago and I suggest that you watch it if you haven't. I don't know if I had abnormal levels of hormones or something, but I actually cried a little when I watched it. I figure if something can actually make me show some emotion, it must be pretty good.

Labels: addiction, buffet, carbohydrates, carbs, chocolate, control, cruise ship, crumble, desire, durarara, eating, food, gluttony, health, magazine, maid sama, readers digest, spaghetti, toradora

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