I can't remember the two dreams that I had last night clearly anymore, but I can recall that in the second dream, I had run a long distance. It was either about 3 or 5 miles, which would have been fairly tiresome either way, but I felt just fine after the run. Felt good enough to eat one of the free burgers. (But it was from Subway, for some reason, so maybe it was just a new circular sandwich.)

I'd been very indecisive this year about filling out my course selection form for next school year. I found out that sophomores were not allowed to take Photography anymore (something about giving the spots to juniors and seniors who hadn't fulfilled the art requirements to graduate) and was left floundering as to what I'd do for an elective. French 3 took up one of the spots, and I felt Read more »

Labels: art, business, classes, course selection, cross country, decision, doubt, dream, electives, graphic design, law, orchestra, PE class, weight training

Goldfish crackers. The wonderful, smiling cheesy snacks. One time I saw a package of Goldfish and the part with the ingredients even said "Made with Smiles". As crackers go, I think Goldfish are really cute.

It seems like they don't always have smiles, though, despite their claim. If I can't get enough to eat from the rest of the salad bar, which is one of the lunch lines at my school, then I add in some Goldfish. I was studying them and I realized some of them seem to be faceless! What a shame. Those Goldfish must have a rough time in life, having nothing but a blank expression.

But then again, smiles aren't always heartfelt, are they? I remember having read in books how characters would smile, but the smile wouldn't "reach their eyes". It was only a smile of the mouth. Not a true smile. It kind of reminds me of smiling for photographs. If I don't really feel like smiling, but I still have to, my face looks awkward in the picture. It would look right if a person was caught while really laughing or smiling, though. I don't really like to take pictures on purpose because of it. I think it's better to take photos of life in the moment.

Sometimes it can be hard, going through each day. I still have to be strong. Most of the time I feel like I need to keep my troubles to myself and pretend everything is okay, when really inside of me it's all turmoil. And there are times when I feel like I have to let someone know, or I'm going to explode, and I try to let it show through my emotions, body language, and such visual signs, but I don't know if anyone is able to pick up on it. Most of the time it's okay. I can still make it through each day, one after another. And I can even enjoy myself. But I wonder how long it will be before my vase, filling up with all my worries and doubts, will start to spill the water in it.

Then again, this could be just another challenge of life. Perhaps it's something I'll grow out of. Just as some people who are allergic to peanuts lose the allergy when they age, I suppose there are some problems that will cease to be problems when you experience more things, different things, significant things. I wonder if how someone acts is influenced by nature or nurture. Are you born a certain way? Can you change it? Or are things just not meant to be changed? Is it a mix of both? It's still a mystery.

Since I just mentioned allergies, I thought of something strange. I just went to my mom's friend's house yesterday. The last time I visited them was a few years ago. Back then my mom's friend's daughter hadn't gone to college yet, and their cat was in the house. Now they have a different house, and the cat is in the garage. Apparently, my mother's friend's wife and her daughter became allergic to cats. Did they change cats? Or did they develop new allergies? I think that's really strange. I thought that once you got used to something, you would be less likely to be allergic to it, not more likely.

I'm going on to some other news now. On Friday, the musical electives at my school - choir, orchestra, and band - performed. The schedule was very wacky in order to make room for the three assemblies (since there are a lot of students, it's better to have three different performances, and one third of the non-performers attend each one). I attended the first assembly, where the choir, beginning strings (orchestra), beginning band, advanced orchestra, and advanced band performed.

The advanced orchestra performed the music to the film Spirited Away, which made me really happy because I really like that music. I think two years ago I heard it performed by the advanced orchestra at that time. And I'm a fan of the Studio Ghibli films. The other music played by the advanced orchestra was Palladio, which is apparently the music to a De Beers diamond commercial. Even when I heard it, I wasn't able to think of the commercial...Was the commercial really old? Like from 1993 or something? Or do I just not watch much television? D:

Labels: allergies, cat, change, crackers, de beers, diamond, emotions, expression, goldfish, mask, music, orchestra, palladio, photography, problem, school, smile, snacks, spirited way, strength

Today, my mom said that I should put my drawings somewhere so I don't lose them. I definitely ought to, because I once had this great drawing of Lucario (well, I just looked at the Pokemon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew movie's DVD cover, and copied it, but whatever) and then I lost it! I was really mad over it. Maybe someday I'll find it again, though. Sometimes I do rediscover my old things.

I used to keep a binder with my drawings. I was 9 years old at the time, so the pictures are not so great. (In fact, some of my pictures from before I was 9 are there. They are silly, but they're amusing to look at) It's been so long since I updated that binder. A few of my dad's drawings are in there, too. He draws really good, even if he was only drawing copies of what was in my "How to Draw Manga" book that I ordered from the Scholastic book catalog one year. I guess both of us are better at imitating other people's art than drawing our own. That's worrisome, because I don't want to be arrested for violating copyrights or something like that.

Not that I'm not interesting in going to jail. To me, jail is similar to school, except they have higher fences. I mean, I heard we have the same meal program. That's not fair, because the students committed crimes (uh...as far as I know, at least) but then, criminals are still people and have rights (though some might be a bit kooky). I heard they serve pizza in jail. That's not so bad, is it? But my parents say I am silly for being curious about going to jail because people beat each other up and it can be quite dangerous. Plus, I heard that prisons in my state are getting overcrowded, and one time there was a riot at jail and some buildings were destroyed and people were injured, so I guess I should find a place with a nice jail. Sydney, Australia used to be where the British sent criminals, I think, and there is still an old prison (not in use anymore, I believe) on a very small island in Sydney Harbor... It must've been the jail with the prettiest view in the world.

Back to the topic, though, before I get sidetracked (as usual! I don't really care if I get sidetracked personally, but it might confuse you, the reader). I also dug out my cello the other day. It's not actually my own cello - it was borrowed from a friend of my mom's. My mom's friend's son (well, one of them) wanted to be in Advanced Orchestra or something along those lines, so he took lessons out of school in cello, but he still couldn't give in, so I suppose he gave up and no one was using the cello. So I took it since at the time I was still taking orchestra. I haven't touched it for a very long time so the bow looks ruined, and the strings are really out of tune. Apparently, depending on the temperature, the strings get loose or tight, so you have to tune string instruments every day. Well, the cello itself is shiny still but it's hard to use it since there aren't notches in the bridge for the strings, so if you're not careful the strings at the very sides could actually fall off the bridge, and then you would to have to put them back on. Very annoying, and scary too. I've been urged to take cello again but I'm not sure if I should yet. For one thing, I am afraid to find out whether I even know how to play reasonably well anymore. And I only did take Beginning Orchestra, so although I have knowledge of music (from playing piano all these years), would I still be able to do vibrato, or hold the bow properly?

I think someday I have to get over that fear. I don't know when that day will come for me. It could be fifty or sixty years from now, when I am retired for real (although I really want to retire, it's unlikely, like WHO WOULD PAY FOR MY EXPENSES? My dad says he will give me his money, but he wants to retire as well).

I'm an easily distracted person, and sometimes I start thinking, and old memories that I had forgotten for so long come back to me. (Thus the title for today's post.) For instance, my carseat. I used to always have to sit in one. It wasn't all that long ago. Maybe third grade or so... I think I started to sit without a carseat in maybe fourth grade? (Hey! Maybe that's why I started getting carsick! I didn't have a carseat any longer) I wonder where it is now. Is it in the garage? Or has it been given away? Sometimes I think it's so weird how I could forget about something that I had for so long. But then again, I guess people are always preoccupied with their current lives and don't have that much time to think about the past. It's kind of sad that way. Life is so rushed, and technology actually seems to be making it busier instead of less busy...

Labels: australia, binder, carseat, carsick, cello, copy, crime, drawing, fear, instrument, jail, life, lucario, memories, orchestra, overcrowding, pokemon, retirement, sydney

I don't actually know if this is a real term already or not, but I made it up, spur of the moment. It still seems to be in full swing at my school, anyhow. The theme of the most recent dance had Michael Jackson's Thriller as its theme. Also, just the other day, I noticed that there was a new poster on the door of the girl's locker room. It said "RIP Michael Jackson 1958-2009" among other things like "I'm Bad" (reference to his song, I suppose) and there was a picture of a tombstone and two hands sticking out of the ground. I thought the arms looked very fake, but I guess that's good since it would be creepy to see someone's arms sticking out of their grave after they've died. D: Oh yeah, and sometimes, like on Wednesdays when we're doing "boot camp", Michael Jackson music is played. Especially that one that mentions sunlight or something like that.

Recently I also saw a commercial where some people in costumes were dancing, I think it was advertising a store. They played the Thriller song in the background. But there was no moonwalking. D: Moonwalking is when Michael Jackson appears to be walking backward almost like he's being dragged by an invisible force. Well, it's hard to describe, so look it up if you aren't sure. I always thought the moonwalk was cool but I can't do it at all.

I, however, am devoted to a different kind of Jacksonism entirely! Instead, I am a big fan of one of my teachers, Mrs. Jackson, who was my language arts teacher last year. She's a great teacher - has a sense of humor, but can also teach well, and plus she has shiny buttons on one of her shirts. (Of course, that last one doesn't make much sense, does it?) I wonder if she would be creeped out or flattered if she knew that she was my role model. XD

I was sorely tempted to join her new Leadership class this year (it's different from last year's, we'll be more involved in the community instead of planning dances and making calendars like the year before) except for one thing - It was in Zero Period! This means I would have to get up an hour earlier and go to school. I really would hate to do that because of my experience at the beginning of seventh grade. I had chosen Intermediate Orchestra as my elective, but it was combined with Advanced, which was in Zero Period. At first I tried to bear with it, but it made me way too busy, and tired. So I gave that up and pulled out of orchestra, much to my chagrin. There is nothing like orchestra, even if applied arts and French are fine electives.

Well, on to other news. Today the whole eighth grade went on a field trip to the theater at the local college to see a play. The play consisted, actually, of four different stories, "The Tell-Tale Heart", "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow", "The Monkey's Paw", "The Necklace", and "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County". The first three stories can all be considered horror, so I was not too fond of them. My personal favorite was The Necklace, a rather ironic story about a French woman who longs for the aristocratic lifestyle but gets just the opposite. The big problem was, in The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, there wasn't a real frog! Not even a cute stuffed animal! But instead, they had an actor dress up as a frog... -_-;; I know it would be really hard to try to make a fake frog move, unless they used special technology (like robots?), but it's still a mighty shame.

Lately, I have been addicted to eating True North crisps. I've eaten the Almond type and the Pistachio type. (After all, almonds and pistachios are two of the nuts that I'm not allergic to) They are oddly addicting. I like the taste better than regular old chips (like Doritos, Sun Chips, Lays, Cheetos, Pringles, and whatnot). I should stop eating them, though. It's bad for my health to eat too many of them and I won't have any appetite for dinner. D:

Labels: almonds, chips, idol, jacksonism, leadership, michael jackson, orchestra, pistachio, play, teacher, thriller, true north, zero period

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