My mother sometimes requests things from the library for me. Oftentimes she gets test prep books and things like that, which I try to avoid touching unless she bothers me about it. But this time she got me the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, a book I have been meaning to read for some time.

This book has made me see success in a different way. I have to say, I am like the majority of people - I like to hear those stories about a poor person who works hard and is talented and becomes successful (rich and happy). But really, you need more than talent to be successful.

What happens to you is shaped a lot by the kinds of circumstances you have. Sometimes it takes a lot of luck for you to become successful. In the book, there is a list of the 75 richest people in the world. Many people were wealthy because they happened to be royalty. But there were also quite a few Americans, all born at about the same time (around 1830's to 1840's). This was a good time to be born if you were going to be an entrepreneur.

I've been thinking how a person's experiences can also change their personality. My parents have said that I was placed in a combination class (meaning a class consisting of students of two different grades) because when I was in kindergarten I was thought to be mature enough for it or something like that. I'm probably more afraid to talk to teachers now that I'm older than when I was younger... It was a struggle for me, the time after one of my closest friends moved away, in fifth grade. I had other friends, but they had become closer to their other friends, and I didn't want to be a third wheel, a tagalong. I turned to books and to the Internet (and ever since I've been hooked on the computer...) and became rather reclusive. I didn't want to make friends, since I felt that I would lose them again, and even if I had wanted to, I'm not sure I would have been able to. I was losing my ability to communicate.

There was a time that I was angry at my friend for moving away, and at her father (because he had gotten a job elsewhere, and in order to keep the family together, they had moved). And then there was a time when I was really sad. But eventually I subconsciously had moved on, and I started to mingle again. (It was slow, though, and one of the friends I made that year moved away the very next year...) I guess there's a part of me that fears getting involved and attached to things because I suspect that I will lose them. But I hope I can become brave enough to overcome this.

I feel oddly peaceful nowadays, after having gone on a few walks by myself. I visited the recreational sort of place in my town. Unfortunately, it wasn't the quite oasis that I had suspected. The pool was quite loud since there seemed to be some kids from summer camps there. There were older people playing volleyball (meaning older than the kids swimming, not meaning senior citizens) and there was a group of adults walking over to some benches. (I kept wondering why they weren't at work. I mean, it was a weekday, after all. My mom says they were on a group outing or something like that.) But it was still nice to be by the creek. I'm grateful to photography because it has made me pay more attention to little things, and I appreciate the beauty of nature much more than I used to. And I can take my time thinking. I feel like I'm reliving my life, and returning to my old self. Or maybe I'm discovering my true self for the first time.

Labels: bravery, circumstances, discovery, emotions, fear, friends, introverted, luck, malcolm gladwell, memories, outliers, peace, personality, success, thoughts, timing, truth, walk

For homework, I was reading the Declaration of Independence (well, I have no idea if the whole thing is in there, considering how the textbook skips various events in history). There was a phrase in the Declaration, saying that the colonies of the America were separating from Britain and so they would now have the same relationship with Britain as they did with the rest of the world - "Enemies in war, in peace friends". The grammar does sound a little odd. But then again, back then the writing was a lot different. D: I wonder, though, when you fight with someone, would be you be enemies with them automatically, and then be friends again as soon as you stopped fighting? (But I guess the relationship between two larger bodies, like countries, might be different than the relationship between two people)

I learned something curious about my history teacher just the other day. I usually arrive a bit early for class, and since it's cold outside, I go inside and sit down and start getting ready, or I read a book. My teacher was sitting, staring at the screen of his laptop. I thought all was as normal, but suddenly he started talking. "Crossyourfingerscrossyourfingers... Awww!" he said, among other things. One of the students, who was just walking in, was freaked out and backed away. A person already in the room told my teacher, "Uh, you scared ____ away." (I use underscores to keep the person's name private) The teacher seemed unperturbed, saying, "That happens." So then the other student told the one who had gotten intimidated, "It's okay, _____, he wasn't talking to you, he was talking to his computer."

The teacher explained what he was talking about. See, apparently he likes to play fantasy football (basically like fantasy golf, which is like gambling, sort of, it's not a video game or anything). He had the choice of either a very good player who was facing a good defender, or a not-so-good player who was facing a bad defender. He went with the not-so-good player, which was a mistake, since the very good player scored 4 points and threw the ball quite far but the not-so-good player didn't throw so far, had a fumble (not that I really understand football terminology, but oh well) and only scored 1 point. My teacher sighed and said, "There go my perfect rankings this week." (Wow, I guess even people of different generations - my dad, and my teacher, who is quite a bit younger than my dad - can have similar interests)

I've taken to using a whiteboard that I bought some time ago. I've had the whiteboard for a year or two already, but I didn't use it much before, besides occasionally copying Chinese characters whenever I saw them onto the board. Now I've started writing things that I need to do at the bottom of the whiteboard. This way things actually get done, and though I still procrastinate, I don't put things off as much as before. I'm glad to be able to put my whiteboard to use. (The only problem is that the markers smell kind of nasty when you use them a lot)

We've moved on from lacrosse in PE. I really liked lacrosse, so I'm sad that we're not doing it anymore. I'm scared of "missiles" flying toward me, and so I have trouble in ultimate frisbee and volleyball, which are sports where you have to react quickly to catch or hit dangerous objects. At least in lacrosse you are armed with a net/stick/whatever you call it and so it gives me a feeling of some sort of security. I keep thinking of the lacrosse net as a bug-catching net, though, so when I saw a butterfly I tried to catch it. I actually snagged it by covering it on the ground, but then it flew out of a hole in the net. Grr. Oh well. Butterflies don't live that long anyhow and it would have a miserable life if I actually caught it and took it home, unless I were to release in my backyard.

Labels: britain, bugs, butterfly, colonies, declaration of independence, enemies, england, fantasy football, fantasy golf, fear, friends, lacrosse, PE class, peace, sports, to do list, war, whiteboard

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