My mother sometimes requests things from the library for me. Oftentimes she gets test prep books and things like that, which I try to avoid touching unless she bothers me about it. But this time she got me the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, a book I have been meaning to read for some time.

This book has made me see success in a different way. I have to say, I am like the majority of people - I like to hear those stories about a poor person who works hard and is talented and becomes successful (rich and happy). But really, you need more than talent to be successful.

What happens to you is shaped a lot by the kinds of circumstances you have. Sometimes it takes a lot of luck for you to become successful. In the book, there is a list of the 75 richest people in the world. Many people were wealthy because they happened to be royalty. But there were also quite a few Americans, all born at about the same time (around 1830's to 1840's). This was a good time to be born if you were going to be an entrepreneur.

I've been thinking how a person's experiences can also change their personality. My parents have said that I was placed in a combination class (meaning a class consisting of students of two different grades) because when I was in kindergarten I was thought to be mature enough for it or something like that. I'm probably more afraid to talk to teachers now that I'm older than when I was younger... It was a struggle for me, the time after one of my closest friends moved away, in fifth grade. I had other friends, but they had become closer to their other friends, and I didn't want to be a third wheel, a tagalong. I turned to books and to the Internet (and ever since I've been hooked on the computer...) and became rather reclusive. I didn't want to make friends, since I felt that I would lose them again, and even if I had wanted to, I'm not sure I would have been able to. I was losing my ability to communicate.

There was a time that I was angry at my friend for moving away, and at her father (because he had gotten a job elsewhere, and in order to keep the family together, they had moved). And then there was a time when I was really sad. But eventually I subconsciously had moved on, and I started to mingle again. (It was slow, though, and one of the friends I made that year moved away the very next year...) I guess there's a part of me that fears getting involved and attached to things because I suspect that I will lose them. But I hope I can become brave enough to overcome this.

I feel oddly peaceful nowadays, after having gone on a few walks by myself. I visited the recreational sort of place in my town. Unfortunately, it wasn't the quite oasis that I had suspected. The pool was quite loud since there seemed to be some kids from summer camps there. There were older people playing volleyball (meaning older than the kids swimming, not meaning senior citizens) and there was a group of adults walking over to some benches. (I kept wondering why they weren't at work. I mean, it was a weekday, after all. My mom says they were on a group outing or something like that.) But it was still nice to be by the creek. I'm grateful to photography because it has made me pay more attention to little things, and I appreciate the beauty of nature much more than I used to. And I can take my time thinking. I feel like I'm reliving my life, and returning to my old self. Or maybe I'm discovering my true self for the first time.

Labels: bravery, circumstances, discovery, emotions, fear, friends, introverted, luck, malcolm gladwell, memories, outliers, peace, personality, success, thoughts, timing, truth, walk

Goldfish crackers. The wonderful, smiling cheesy snacks. One time I saw a package of Goldfish and the part with the ingredients even said "Made with Smiles". As crackers go, I think Goldfish are really cute.

It seems like they don't always have smiles, though, despite their claim. If I can't get enough to eat from the rest of the salad bar, which is one of the lunch lines at my school, then I add in some Goldfish. I was studying them and I realized some of them seem to be faceless! What a shame. Those Goldfish must have a rough time in life, having nothing but a blank expression.

But then again, smiles aren't always heartfelt, are they? I remember having read in books how characters would smile, but the smile wouldn't "reach their eyes". It was only a smile of the mouth. Not a true smile. It kind of reminds me of smiling for photographs. If I don't really feel like smiling, but I still have to, my face looks awkward in the picture. It would look right if a person was caught while really laughing or smiling, though. I don't really like to take pictures on purpose because of it. I think it's better to take photos of life in the moment.

Sometimes it can be hard, going through each day. I still have to be strong. Most of the time I feel like I need to keep my troubles to myself and pretend everything is okay, when really inside of me it's all turmoil. And there are times when I feel like I have to let someone know, or I'm going to explode, and I try to let it show through my emotions, body language, and such visual signs, but I don't know if anyone is able to pick up on it. Most of the time it's okay. I can still make it through each day, one after another. And I can even enjoy myself. But I wonder how long it will be before my vase, filling up with all my worries and doubts, will start to spill the water in it.

Then again, this could be just another challenge of life. Perhaps it's something I'll grow out of. Just as some people who are allergic to peanuts lose the allergy when they age, I suppose there are some problems that will cease to be problems when you experience more things, different things, significant things. I wonder if how someone acts is influenced by nature or nurture. Are you born a certain way? Can you change it? Or are things just not meant to be changed? Is it a mix of both? It's still a mystery.

Since I just mentioned allergies, I thought of something strange. I just went to my mom's friend's house yesterday. The last time I visited them was a few years ago. Back then my mom's friend's daughter hadn't gone to college yet, and their cat was in the house. Now they have a different house, and the cat is in the garage. Apparently, my mother's friend's wife and her daughter became allergic to cats. Did they change cats? Or did they develop new allergies? I think that's really strange. I thought that once you got used to something, you would be less likely to be allergic to it, not more likely.

I'm going on to some other news now. On Friday, the musical electives at my school - choir, orchestra, and band - performed. The schedule was very wacky in order to make room for the three assemblies (since there are a lot of students, it's better to have three different performances, and one third of the non-performers attend each one). I attended the first assembly, where the choir, beginning strings (orchestra), beginning band, advanced orchestra, and advanced band performed.

The advanced orchestra performed the music to the film Spirited Away, which made me really happy because I really like that music. I think two years ago I heard it performed by the advanced orchestra at that time. And I'm a fan of the Studio Ghibli films. The other music played by the advanced orchestra was Palladio, which is apparently the music to a De Beers diamond commercial. Even when I heard it, I wasn't able to think of the commercial...Was the commercial really old? Like from 1993 or something? Or do I just not watch much television? D:

Labels: allergies, cat, change, crackers, de beers, diamond, emotions, expression, goldfish, mask, music, orchestra, palladio, photography, problem, school, smile, snacks, spirited way, strength

In science class the other day, my teacher was absent, so we had a substitute, and we watched a movie called Magnificent Desolation: Walking on the Moon. (Actually, it was supposed to be an IMAX movie, but since we don't have an IMAX Dome theater at my school, we had to settle for just looking at the movie being projected) As the name implies, the movie was about going to the moon.

I thought that the movie was quite touching. I would like to be able to go to the Moon someday, to walk on the surface and look at the rocky surface going on into oblivion. And I'd like to peer into a crevasse that could rival the Grand Canyon of our Earth. But then again, it'd be a lonely place. No one has traveled to the Moon since the 1970s. In the movie, the narrator (Tom Hanks) said that the Moon confuses one's optics, because there are no trees or anything that you can use as a reference for size. But I would like to go the Moon and be able to see the Earth, so small and far away. I've only ever seen pictures of the Great Blue Marble.

I was inspired by it, particularly where a 7-year-old girl said she was going to be an astronaut someday, and in the end where Tom Hanks said something along the lines of the next person to go to the Moon being one of us viewers. But the other students, as always, seemed pretty emotionless. I really don't understand young people these days. You'd think they would be emotional, since teenagers are all moody and rebellious, but no, they don't react at all to the movie. (Not that this movie was one of the more inspiring ones. It's not like I cried or anything, which I would do over a Pokemon movie. XD Particularly that Lucario one.)

We have also been watching another movie about the Moon in class, Apollo 13, which features Tom Hanks yet again. (Except he plays a character instead of being a narrator.) Apollo 13 was the second Apollo mission to make it to the Moon, I believe. It's old enough to be on a video tape, but my dad says it's not THAT old. Whatever is that supposed to mean? My dad is several decades older than I am, after all.

Speaking of the ancient video tapes, my language arts teacher made a great show of them. We were going to watch the movie The Outsiders in class. She explained slowly and demonstrated how to stick a video tape into the slot where you put it. Now that I realize it, video tapes are long gone nowadays. I watched them when I was little, but then they were replaced by DVDs, just as music cassettes were replaced by CDs. I feel kind of sad thinking children nowadays wouldn't really know about video cassettes, which for some reason feel like much more of a novelty to me (even if rewinding them is annoying).

Well, anyways, regarding the topic of Outer Space, I actually came up with an idea for a story. It was sort of science viction, I suppose, which is unusual. I was always planning to write a story that took place in present times and without any fantasy stuff. But you know, beggars for inspiration can't be choosers. I wonder if I'll actually be able to write this story or not. I started a story a pretty long time ago but stopped because I really didn't know what kind of plot I was looking for. This is my biggest problem...I envision characters and a setting and a few dramatic scenes and detailed descriptions I want to put into a story, but then I have no ideas at all about what kind of conflict will be in the story... -_-;; How will I ever be a true writer if I can't even come up with one of the important parts of writing?

It was easier when I used to role-play. If you aren't familiar with the term... It's where multiple people (sometimes only two, sometimes a lot) join forces to write a story. But it's not like co-authoring a book. It's more like each person controls one character (or more) and they can only control that character. The characters will interact, and so the story does progress. (Though there are certainly role-plays without a specific plot. Some have very complicated plots that are multiple paragraphs long, just to explain it, and others just say "This is a boarding school," and that's it for the plot) I used to role-play when I was a member of the site called Nutrinopets. But that website is gone now, and so is my role-playing. I've looked at another site's role-playing but it's not like what I'm used to, so I probably am stuck without role-playing. I think I wrote better when I had the aid of role-playing as practice. I really miss it and get nostalgic for it occasionally. (I heard that several Nutrinopets users moved to a site called Misticpets, but I don't want to join. I'm afraid the same thing might happen eventually like what happened to Nutrionpets, and besides, I don't want to get addicted. XD That's also why I won't join Facebook despite the urging of various people)

Labels: apollo 13, astronaut, cassette, emotions, facebook, imax, lucario, magnificent desolation, misticpets, movie, nutrinopets, pokemon, roleplaying, tom hanks, video, walking on the moon, writing

I came up with a scientific experiment you can try at home with bottles of shampoo, conditioner, or body wash. Oftentimes it is hard to get out the substance you want to use if there is not much of it left in the container. So, since most containers are designed to have the lid thing facing the ceiling, you'll have to wait a while for the shampoo/conditioner/body wash to fall all the way down so you can squirt it out. Instead, swing it backward towards your shoulder, then with one powerful movement swing it back forward. The momentum and the kinetic energy together make the shampoo/conditioner/body wash quickly move to the other end of the bottle. This worked with a Softsoap Honey and Milk bodywash but it didn't work with the Vanilla Organic Conditioner since it is so thick and dry, nowhere near liquidy enough.

It's been such a long time since I've last posted...I've been busy with projects (A children's story in language arts, and I made the pages too big, so I have to draw huge pictures for it, and also a booklet in science about geologic history). But not only that, there's the evil TurboTax!

TurboTax is a program which my dad uses at least once or twice a year to take care of all the taxes our family has to pay. My dad takes out a lot of papers and stares at the computer screen until his face becomes angry. While doing TurboTax he's always grumpy, so he either won't respond when you talk to him, or he'll pick fights. Like if you hang around the computer he starts asking in an angry way, "Do you want to use the computer or not?!" And when I say no he just gets even madder. It's really scary and my mom doesn't like it either. I think he might need some anger management books.

My dad has started watching drama sometimes too. There is this one show in Mandarin which he will watch some evenings. The music is repetitive and there doesn't seem to be a lot of different songs. It is cheesy music but kind of catchy in a weird way. One time the music played while one of the characters on the TV was answering their phone (which had a rather generic ringtone). I thought it was bad timing to play the background music at a time like that.

On Friday, my history teacher was looking pretty upset. Mr. Blair had new glasses and his face was very angry and serious, so he looked scary. I heard someone stole a can of Coca Cola out of Mr. Blair's mini-fridge. I don't think that's the only reason, though. He wouldn't look that upset over just one can of soda, would he? Unless it was like a Gatorade bottle where you might've won something. and he won some kind of sweepstakes.

Labels: background, coca cola, drama, emotions, homemade, kinetic energy, momentum, music, projects, science, shampoo, soda, turbotax

My history grade went down a bit lately. The first was caused by stapling my China test in the wrong order and losing 5 points, making my perfect A become an A-, I think (you may know what I'm talking about if you've read my previous posts). So I almost forgot about that, except Mr. Blair passed back the history tests today, and he said in front of the class how he was calling out to me at the end of class back then because he was giving me the chance to fix it. I feel terrible because I wanted to get my lunch and had just run out on him, therefore ruining one of my grades.

And then it turns out I did pretty bad on my Japan project speech. I got a C, in fact. This is a major embarrassment to me and now my mother is considering signing me up for public speaking classes. I took Speech & Debate class last year in the summer and it was literal torture. I figured I would have to commit a crime or something to avoid it, but I'm reluctant (I heard there are some really scary people in jail). I was considering talking to Mr. Blair about these happenings, but then again, I brought it on myself, so I'm just wallowing in misery in the meantime. (I still have an A in history but it's not a high A like it used to be.)

Anyhow, on to some lighter news. Today is Friday the 13th, so that became part of the question for Dialing for Dollars. That's our school's game show, held every Friday. One of the counselors and the vice principal run the show. Your class can win prizes if they can answer the question asked correctly. (The classes are randomly drawn from a box and then are called via phone, so that's why it's called Dialing for Dollars) The answer turned out to be August. I had guessed it might be August (but this was a random guess, and Room B didn't get called). Still, I suspect I may have a sixth sense. Ooh.

Also, as Valentine's Day is tomorrow, but tomorrow is Saturday, we had Singing Valentines today. The days before you could've ordered SVs for a friend/someone you want to embarrass/someone you "like". You pay $3 and on Friday the people in FAME (acting, singing, dancing elective) and Dynamics (school choir) will come by in one your classes, give you a card the sender wrote plus a lollipop, and then they'll sing and dance around a chair (which you sit in, like the hot seat). It's entertaining to watch, but kind of weird to be the recipient, which I was, twice. The first was sent by one of my friends and I got a disturbing song about lips (apparently it was from the Ella Enchanted movie?). The second time, nothing was written on the card, but I suspect it was another friend, who didn't have enough time since the bell rang. They gave me a song about the letters in the word love. Both disturbing songs.

Oh well, the day's over now, and I might as well keep on living (even if it means I have to play music on purpose to fill up the dead silence). February break, here I come.

Labels: break, dialing for dollars, emotions, friday the 13th, history, school, singing, speech, valentines

Ugh, how mean. After my parents practically dismissed me from eavesdropping on their "serious conversation", I went to the garage to mope. (We keep our washing machine and dryer in there instead of in a laundry move) I heard the sound of the washing machine, so I opened it and took a look inside. However, it just went and stopped whooshing when I opened it. But it started again once I put down the lid. So I guess it was telling me to go away. I've got ruffled feathers now, if you know what I mean.

I was pretty chipper today since my mom is finally back. I hadn't seen her since New Year's Eve. Literally. So it was a pleasure to see her again. I almost got offended because when I told her that I got 50/50 on a math test, she mentioned the previous test, and remarked I hadn't done well then, like she was disappointed in me. Me, I just want to be appreciated, is all. The one person who has never praised me willingly is my own mother. So that's probably why we aren't truly friends. (Even if I missed her I don't even know if she missed me. But I'm not about to ask in case she pretends)

My mom was really huffy after her extended stay in Shanghai. Her clothes and other things in her suitcase smell like cigarette smoke. It's really kind of disgusting. She is washing her close to try and get rid of the smell. (It's even worse because her own father is an avid smoker. Luckily, her mother doesn't smoke.)

After a while my dad came home from work. He had gone to Costco, a big store with ugly tall ceilings, to buy things. It seems like they didn't have any Blueberry B Monster. (It's a drink from the company Odwalla which I often drink.) I hope they didn't stop selling it. Then I would have to go somewhere else to get it. I wonder if Whole Foods (Supposedly a store that sells healthy food and other organic products) has it.

My dad is kind of an immature person. (If you read this, Dad, I am sorry, but my true feelings are meant to be displayed on this blog) He wants people to like him and praise him, rather than give him criticism. And even if he is an adult, in his mind, it seems life is rather simple. (This does not mean that life is easy. Just that he has a straight-forward mind, similarly to my mom. They are both rather stubborn.) But maybe that isn't true, and I have been deceived for years.

While I was practicing piano this evening, I could hear a loud voice, so I thought my parents were arguing. I stopped playing and went over to take a look. It turns out my mom was giving some sort of speech. Her eyes were wild, her mouth open and flapping, and one arm was pumping up and down. I was shocked. That looked kind of like my dad when he's lecturing.

And now, I think they really are arguing. They keep talking about trying to move my grandpa (on my dad's side) to a new apartment. The stairs to the apartment are frail and steep so it's dangerous for an old man like him. (Particularly since he slipped and fell once, and injured himself. He is fine now...Or so he says. His relatives don't believe so.) And also he still didn't get indoor plumbing because it costs money. (Being retired is bad especially when you're old and weak. You have to rely on your relatives and the government for money.) So my dad and his siblings are desperately attempting to convince my grandpa to move to a new apartment. Then they will pitch in all their funds to try and buy one.

But my dad seems to have come to a disagreement with my mom, as his voice was raised and he looked really steamed. When my mom breaks in to make a comment he gets more heated up. I am afraid he will blow his top like a volcano and start throwing our dishware. D: I really hope not. It is scary, and it also means I have trouble hearing other noises since his voice is so loud and violent.

Labels: appliances, beverages, cigars, emotions, family, inanimate objects, mental, shanghai, smoking, washing machine

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