Every afternoon, when school has let out for the day, I walk home, and along the way I try to pay attention to my surroundings. I became somewhat of an expert on the neighborhood - I could tell which house had been for sale (but you could see the house by appointment only), I knew which house had a dog and put up decorations for the holidays, I knew where one of my classmates lived because of I'd seen her go up to a house.

I also recognize some of the people who walk and bike home via the same route that I do. There was one person who caught my attention, a boy who seemed to have an interest in trees. Particularly ones that had parts of them severed off. Once I saw him standing with one foot on a tree stump. At first I thought he was going to tie his shoelaces, but he didn't. He just stood there without saying anything.

And then I saw him again, a few days ago, standing by the fence bordering a house. He had one hand on a round orange shape which I realized was what remained of a tree limb. I somehow got the feeling that it had been painful for the tree. It must have spent a long time growing a nice strong limb and then had it all cut off... It seemed there were traces of some liquid on the place where the limb once was. The blood and tears of the tree.

Friday was the first rally of the school year. It's a gathering of the students of all four grades (or "classes", as they call them. Class of 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014) where we basically make a lot of noise and show our school spirit. The freshman class was unfortunately quite lacking. I must say, I couldn't even tell what the juniors were shouting, on the other side of the gym. (They really made a racket, though. They were really good. Not like us freshmen, though I hear that it's always like this the first time.)

It was really uncomfortable to have to keep standing for so long, in a cramped space, and on a hot day. I was feeling really stifled. It didn't help that it sometimes got so loud that one of my ears would get those rustling, crackling sounds (I start hearing things funny in my ears whenever it's loud...But I thought it would be rude if I covered my ears). I was relieved to get out of there. The sunlight and fresh air were more refreshing than they had been for a long time.

I've realized that I don't really like to be pent up inside. I do like to go to class and learn, but it gets tiring being indoors for too long. (At least in Writing for Publication, a class that I'm taking this year, we got to go outside twice, which was a refreshing change.) I was stressed and unhappy for a while when I was at Yosemite, but now I realize that I at least ought to have better appreciated the fact that I got to go to school outdoors, breathing in fresh air, being able to hold snow in my hands, seeing more stars than I could ever count. I think it'd be nice if I could just move to the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of books, and study by myself in the wilderness. So many "what ifs". They never seem to come true.

Labels: boy, fresh air, freshmen, high school, indoors, nature, observation, outdoors, painful, rally, stifling, tree, uncomfortable, walk, yosemite

My mother sometimes requests things from the library for me. Oftentimes she gets test prep books and things like that, which I try to avoid touching unless she bothers me about it. But this time she got me the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, a book I have been meaning to read for some time.

This book has made me see success in a different way. I have to say, I am like the majority of people - I like to hear those stories about a poor person who works hard and is talented and becomes successful (rich and happy). But really, you need more than talent to be successful.

What happens to you is shaped a lot by the kinds of circumstances you have. Sometimes it takes a lot of luck for you to become successful. In the book, there is a list of the 75 richest people in the world. Many people were wealthy because they happened to be royalty. But there were also quite a few Americans, all born at about the same time (around 1830's to 1840's). This was a good time to be born if you were going to be an entrepreneur.

I've been thinking how a person's experiences can also change their personality. My parents have said that I was placed in a combination class (meaning a class consisting of students of two different grades) because when I was in kindergarten I was thought to be mature enough for it or something like that. I'm probably more afraid to talk to teachers now that I'm older than when I was younger... It was a struggle for me, the time after one of my closest friends moved away, in fifth grade. I had other friends, but they had become closer to their other friends, and I didn't want to be a third wheel, a tagalong. I turned to books and to the Internet (and ever since I've been hooked on the computer...) and became rather reclusive. I didn't want to make friends, since I felt that I would lose them again, and even if I had wanted to, I'm not sure I would have been able to. I was losing my ability to communicate.

There was a time that I was angry at my friend for moving away, and at her father (because he had gotten a job elsewhere, and in order to keep the family together, they had moved). And then there was a time when I was really sad. But eventually I subconsciously had moved on, and I started to mingle again. (It was slow, though, and one of the friends I made that year moved away the very next year...) I guess there's a part of me that fears getting involved and attached to things because I suspect that I will lose them. But I hope I can become brave enough to overcome this.

I feel oddly peaceful nowadays, after having gone on a few walks by myself. I visited the recreational sort of place in my town. Unfortunately, it wasn't the quite oasis that I had suspected. The pool was quite loud since there seemed to be some kids from summer camps there. There were older people playing volleyball (meaning older than the kids swimming, not meaning senior citizens) and there was a group of adults walking over to some benches. (I kept wondering why they weren't at work. I mean, it was a weekday, after all. My mom says they were on a group outing or something like that.) But it was still nice to be by the creek. I'm grateful to photography because it has made me pay more attention to little things, and I appreciate the beauty of nature much more than I used to. And I can take my time thinking. I feel like I'm reliving my life, and returning to my old self. Or maybe I'm discovering my true self for the first time.

Labels: bravery, circumstances, discovery, emotions, fear, friends, introverted, luck, malcolm gladwell, memories, outliers, peace, personality, success, thoughts, timing, truth, walk

With only two weeks of summer remaining, I've decided to make the most of it. My father gave me the A-OK to take walks by myself, as long as I didn't go too far away from home and remembered to bring my garage opener and cell phone with me.

My plans were foiled the first time that I made up my mind to go outside for a stroll. The sun was particularly high in the sky in the early afternoon, so I decided to wait a few hours for it to go down a bit. But then someone rang the doorbell. I figured that I shouldn't leave the house anytime soon just in case whoever it was might see me and try to talk to me. Or even worse, he/she might realize I had left home and would try to break in. (Well, we do have an alarm system, but if there's no one in the vicinity, you could still probably get away with stealing something.)

By the time I figured I could try venturing outdoors, it was already past 5 pm. If I went out now, my parents might return while I was gone. I would have to leave a note for them saying, "I'm fine, don't look for me" or something (but then they might worry and think I was running away from home). So I figured I'd have to give up on my solo walk for that day.

But on Monday, I gave it another try. I had woken up fairly early that day, so I was already rarin' to go when it was 11 am. I decided to walk to the end of the street that I live on, where the cul-de-sac is (I happen to live at the very beginning of the street, although someone who lives further down the street once said she thinks of my house as being the end of the street). There are gaps in the fence which you can go through to cross the train tracks and enter the park that is on the other side of the tracks. (The official entrance to the park is at the end of a different street. I usually go in through the little side entrance.)

As I entered the park, I saw that there were squirrels running away, probably to escape me, the big scary monster. There were also a bunch of rather funny birds. I am quite sure they were quails. (Quails are California's state bird, but I've never really seen them before. At least, not that many of them at once) They began toddling off quickly when they realized I was there. I followed them for a while (which made them walk in their awkward way even faster) until they reached a dead end and instead flew up to escape me. I guess they aren't really used to people. So they only come out at times of day where the people are far away or there aren't many of them.

I was planning to have a bit of time to myself for quiet contemplation. While walking there I had been feeling quite amiable. However, when I was about to settle down on a bench in the park, I noticed a fly on it. It wasn't one of those tiny ones that don't really bother you. It was one of those big fly sort of flies. (Due to my lack of insect knowledge, I can't tell the species.) There are no other benches in the park besides the picnic tables, which I don't want to sit at because they are close to the playground and the parents with their little kids will probably think I'm suspicious. (I mean, I was taking a box out of my bag. What if there had been a bomb in it? Though I can assure you I am not at all interested in terrorism.)

Then, soon after I dismissed the park bench as being undesirable, I heard a baby's crying. I didn't have much reason to be staying in the park any longer anyhow, so then I left for home, but using a different, longer route. Along the way home I saw a cat, which improved my mood considerably (at least, until it left). Nothing ever turns out perfectly, but I had a lovely time walking by myself. Somehow it's different when you're alone. Even if you're with someone else and you're not talking to them, you're still aware of his/her presence. But by yourself, you can let down your guard and relax for a change.

Labels: alone, animals, danger, fly, going home, outside, park, quails, ruined, summer, terrorism, thoughts, time, walk

I often come across two very similar things in succession. I was reading the Skip Beat! manga and Ren Tsuruga, one of the main characters, ate breakfast twice. And then when I was watching a Korean drama, Dal Ja's Spring, the main character ate dinner three times.

Although nothing terrible happened to Ren, Dal Ja got constipation and had to be taken to the hospital. I was disgusted but I also thought Dal Ja was stupid to have done so. She could've just said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I've already eaten" but of course she had to eat since she had been invited (and to a nice restaurant, too). Or at least she could have said no when she was going to eat dinner the third time. (But I guess us humans are still feeble-minded and often make the wrong decisions. Then again, maybe something bad would happen whatever choice we made.)

Today was a friend's birthday, so I walked over to her house. Avatar was playing on the TV. I was excited to finally get a chance to watch it (and without have to get my own copy of the DVD) because there was a lot of uproar over it when it came out. (Too bad watching it on the TV means that it isn't in 3D, but oh well. 3D would probably make me dizzy or it would be too realistic and give me a heart attack. It still looks nice even if it isn't in 3D). I was surprised about how tall the Na'vi were and also that they had tails. From what I had seen, they had seemed very humanoid, so I hadn't expected that.

I had another encounter with James Cameron (the director) because soon afterwards I saw an imitation of Titanic (which happens to be one of his films too). I can't remember whether I've watched Titanic or not, but I think I probably haven't. And now that I think of it, I still want to watch Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea. I still haven't gotten around to it...I wonder if the DVD is out. In that case, I can get it from the library.

Lately I haven't had much appetite. It's probably because I stay inside most of the time (since it's hot and sunny without any clouds, most of the time, outside) and because I'm not really able to go far from the house. I had been hoping that I would be able to go on walks by myself for the purpose of taking photos, but that hasn't happened, seeing as my mom says, "Wait until we get home, then you can go with your dad." But it's kind of weird. Sometimes I can feel so lonely, but there are many times now that I just want some peace and quiet. I wonder if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I'm becoming so solitary.

Labels: 3D, alone, appetite, avatar, birthday, choice, constipation, dal ja's spring, drama, eating, food, indoor, korean, movie, multiple, photography, ponyo, skip beat, solitude, walk

This has nothing to do with how children used to quit school around the age of 12 and go work in mills, where they would get into some tragic accident, like being maimed by a machine gone rogue. (I'm glad to see child labor is forbidden now. However, I wanted to work during the summer, so I can save up cash, but was never able to because I was too young.) Instead, the children are the very same people I go to school with.

I am always really paranoid when we're playing sports in PE. I've had bad luck over the years, what with various projectiles hitting me in the head. The first time I remember was back in 1st grade. Ironically, it happened while I was trying to do something good. I saw a ball that had rolled under a bush and was stooping to pull it out when a football came from behind and hit me in the head.

I can't remember much of the other incidents, except for the ones in middle school. I was played lacrosse, which is one of my favorite sports, actually, and I got whacked in the face with a ball. That was bad enough, but in the same day I was also hit in the leg. During this school year, we were playing volleyball and a volleyball that had strayed from a different court hit me in the head. (As far as I know I have not gotten a concussion from all the pounding my head has received, but I could've lost some brain cells. Terrible.)

I still can't really figure out how to hit a volleyball correctly. The few times that I successfully hit it, I usually hit it around my wrist area, which makes it sore and red. I am afraid I will injure myself if this keeps up. What part am I supposed to use to hit the volleyball? (Basketball is easier for me than this, at least I can catch the ball, even if that makes my hands dry and dusty.)

For some reason, whenever I am in a certain PE teacher's class, I always get injured once. When I had him in 7th grade, I twisted my ankle because I was rushing while doing warm-up exercises, and then I tripped and landed rather awkwardly. (You would think I would have learned my lesson, but I still rush when warming up. Not a good idea, so I advise you "don't try this at home".) The other time I was injured was last trimester, when I was trying to get up the stairs quickly but didn't lift my leg high enough on a step and fell, scraping my knee. I didn't feel any pain at first, so I didn't realize it was bleeding until it was pointed out to me. It started to sting after a while when I was putting water on it. It kept on bleeding, which is disturbing. Eventually I went off to get a bandage so it would stop bleeding.

I guess I'm not doing as badly as others, though. One day, at brunch, I noticed my current PE teacher pushing a kid in a wheelchair to the school office. A teacher called out to him, "Stop hurting the kids!" in a joking manner. However, I suspect a lot of people get injured in his class. We used to have two students who were in some way or another unable to do certain activities. One of the students isn't in the class anymore, though the other still is, but she does exercises with a medicine ball.

Despite my paranoid tendencies, I've always dreamed of having an exciting life, like living in a new place, or living a life fraught with danger, such as going sky diving often or rounding up mustangs (...are there still any mustangs out there?). I'd like to try going in a hot air balloon someday or going surfing. There's a lot of things I want to do, and so I feel frustrated at times because I believe that my life isn't thrilling enough. And at other times, I am too lazy and I just like it the way it is. I wonder if I might have multiple personalities or if it simply depends on my mood. (For instance, I am overall more of a pessimist than an optimist, though I can be either. If I have just suffered from many bad scores in a row in school, then I'll be pessimistic, but after a while I start to have hope again, and become more optimistic. After all, I really hate it when people act like all hope is lost, so I would be a hypocrite if I acted like that myself, so my consciousness gives me "pep talks".)

I crave some more ordinary freedoms, too, like being allowed to wander in the neighborhood by myself. I can only go outside for a short distance (like maybe across a street or two) and for a short time without supervision. When I was young, I always thought my parents were overprotective. I wasn't allowed to walk home until 7th grade and even then I always walked with my grandma (and later my acquaintance/friend/neighbor/companion? I can't come up with the right term). I felt that I was deprived of things, and I still am not allowed to ride a bike home. Although my parents' grip on me slackens over time as I supposedly mature (who knows if I really do? D: ), riding a bike home is still something I am not supposed to do. (But then again, it's also inconvenient. I would have to put my bike in the car when my parents drive me to school; Besides, I'm not really a great biker, even if I can ride a bike. I fell of my bike recently because I saw someone else coming and panicked, trying to give them space. And when low branches stick out over the sidewalk, I panic, and try to swerve, but then I fall off)

I once read an article in the Time magazine about how parents are really overprotective nowadays. The percentage of students walking or biking to school dropped, despite the fact that crime rates have gone down, so it's safer nowadays. And some parents are really focused on what's "best" for their children, which could mean making them study a lot, and asking schools to have more classes and less free time (sometimes this means not having as much PE, too, hence higher rates of obesity). Even though parents care a lot about their kids, it seems it can sometimes harm them rather than helping them. Will you really be fine when you are independent if you are used to being taken care of by my your mother and father? (Not a good thing if you run home every week to make them do your laundry for you. Of course, there might be shared washing machines available for you to use) Is keeping a tight leash on people good for their lives or will it stunt their growth? The key is to find the right balance between the two. To know when to let your kids decide for themselves (and maybe learn the hard way, but that's life) and when you should direct them...It's a tough judgment call.

Labels: bike, blood, child cruelty, danger, head, injury, job, life, optimism, overprotective, parents, pessimism, physical education, sports, success, time, walk

I was thinking about this since I often see people walking dogs. You may notice some dogs walk in sync with their owners, and both seem to be in a good mood. On the other hand, sometimes a dog is not compliant and is not walking fast enough; they keep stopping to sniff something, or "take care of business". And some dogs go too quickly, so they end up basically dragging their owners along. I think from now on I will observe every person(s) I see taking a walk with their dog, and decide whether the person is leading, the dog is leading, or they are equals (like friends should be. There is a poem, "Walk behind me and I may not lead. Walk in front of me and I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.").

I have come up with a theory that men in their forties are interested in kiddie games. My evidence comes from my history teacher (Mr. Blair) and my father (just call him Tiger). Mr. Blair sometimes becomes interested in online games. He has played a game called Totem Destroyer (where you click on blocks beneath a "totem" to blow them up...You are trying not to let the "totem" get to the ground/bottom of game window). Also, I saw him looking at something called Yummy Drinks Factory. I am guessing it is one of those cheesy games for girls where you go around clicking things and playing lame minigames. I found it hilarious that he would play that. And last but not least, he started playing Rocky Path. Apparently it's like making a path to the other side or something. (I don't know the details about Rocky Path because I have not watched it enough to know) What I do know is that there are bird chirping sounds playing, to make it feel like a rainforest in South America. It gets annoying to hear after a while.

My father also plays such games, just not quite the same as Mr. Blair's. For instance, he spends time playing games for me on Neopets. I have told him that he doesn't need to but he insists that I want money. (Which is true, but he doesn't have to do it if he doesn't want to) This must mean he himself may have become fond of the games. For instance, Destruct-O-Match (where you click on blocks...There must be at least 2 blocks of the same color next to each other to destroy them), Mop n' Bop (where you play an angry janitor who swings his mop at dirty animals), and Imperial Exam (you are an ancient Asian scholar-ish dude who shakes or nods his head to let people in depending on how well they spell. You can play in various languages. I wonder if the scholar you play as gets dizzy from all that head movement), to name a few. He also enjoys this strange thing which I think is like a Chinese Facebook (as it is one of those Internet community places). Sometimes he does virtual gardening, or arranges his virtual house which has dogs in it. Or he can click options to make this virtual lady dance or eat. I find it highly amusing.

Labels: childish, computer, dog, friends, funny, games, leash, men, virtual, walk

One of my friends, who I shall refer to as Miyu-chan right now, told me that some people on a website didn't think too highly of me. This is due to me sending a lot of friends requests to people and not necessarily talking to them. (Though it's not easy to communicate with more than two thousand people, if you catch my drift.) Miyu-chan said some people do like me, though. I wish everyone would. It doesn't feel good to have people frowning on you, even if it is just the Internet, after all.

Here's the cooking schedule. At least, some of it. I don't remember Thursday and Friday.
Monday- Prepare Pie (You can choose lemon meringue or pumpkin. Pumpkin is simpler to make and I like it better)
Tuesday- Finish Pie
Wednesday- Sustainable Farming (Whatever that is. It could be a worksheet or a video)

On to some...weird happenings. As I was walking home, I observed several things. One being that the people living in a house have changed their window decoration. They always hang a picture of some sort in the window. For a long time they had a picture of colorful flowers. I like that one better than the new one, which is a snowman and some blue stuff.

Also, I hurt a tree. I saw the pretty white blossoms and buds and decided it would make a good addition to the ikebana arrangement I'll be doing for homework. But afterwards I felt bad because the tree might be upset and the branch will eventually die anyhow. Still, I could just say "It's for a worthy cause", even though I only half believe it.

I hope my history teacher doesn't lose his teaching credential. I heard that doing a certain activity makes it a possibility. We did the said activity today in class. It was supposed to teach us about population density. We started off with Australia. It's not a densely populated place and people usually live on the coastline. (Sydney the city is on the east side.) So Mr. Blair said you could go do nude sunbathing or whatever in Australia, and you might never get seen. (Yeah, disturbing example, but that's our class.) Then we went on to the United States. AV, who was the one Mr. Blair asked if he would nude sunbathe, settled down in the Arizona region, since he is cheering for the Cardinals. Mr. Blair said he couldn't do his sunbathing there since old ladies would come with their binoculars. (Apparently old people get arthritis and move to warm places like Arizona. So people laughed at poor AV since a lot of elderly folks live there.)

Oh yes, before I end this post...Japan was very densely populated. Mr. Blair tried to teach us this by putting one desk in the middle of the room. Then he wanted us to fit as many people as possible on the desk. (Standing on the desk or the legs. You can't have your feet touch the floor) That was dangerous since we did pretty well until a bunch of kids fell off the desk and one of them hurt her leg. We got a max of 14 people onto a desk. I heard the next class managed 16 or 17. We've been beat there.

Labels: art, cooking, flowers, friends, homework, internet, population, reputation, teacher, tree, walk, window

(Thanks to "Marine" for the heads-up about it.)

Doesn't that title sound cheesy? Like some kind of show or musical group? But no, it's not any of those. It's two girls who go to the school, both named Jessica, who stick together like glue (not for real; they're not Siamese twins or anything).

I thought of this because I was walking home, and was a little behind schedule. I saw one of the Jessicas (this one being the taller one who wears her hair in a ponytail. The other one is shorter than her and has glasses). I was surprised since I didn't see the other Jessica with her. I guess they don't live near each other, or maybe the other Jessica rides a car home. Still, it's odd, after seeing them sit together in their classes and walk around the school together, whenever they can.

Well, I got home, anyhow. I did something a little risky today. I have to press a button to cross the street once during the walk home. This time, my walking companion was a little late to press the button, and the green light came on without giving us the walking signal, so my companion didn't walk. However, I thought it was okay and just plowed on ahead. I almost didn't make it because the light changed to yellow and then red before I got to the curb on the other side...But I'm still alive. I won't do it again, I hope. I was a bit freaked out because I didn't get enough time to walk.

I was meant to be doing my math homework, but I was on the Web to find some explanations to assist me with it. Then I got distracted by chatting to my parents and I decided I might as well write today's blog entry while I'm at it.

My father is such a glutton. He is always eating stuff when it's not meant for him to eat. Like when I used to keep a bunch of Popsicles in the fridge, he would chow on them and there wouldn't be much left for me. Or chocolates - he'd eat those too. And even raisins. My mom bought them because they contain some iron but my dad already ate...one third of the container! Wow!

Anyhow, here's the cooking schedule for this week.
Tuesday - Burritos (Mine fell apart. I put too much stuff in it.)
Wednesday - Table Setting (What's that? Maybe the teacher's out again)
Thursday - Prepare Streusel Coffee Cake
Friday - Bake Cake (Sounds tasty, except I don't like coffee flavor...)

Labels: blog, chat, cooking, crossing, danger, food, jessicas, math, people, road, walk

Yikes, I completely forgot about making an entry yesterday! Whoopsy-daisy. But I guess it's not a big loss because I doubt anyone reads this anyhow. XD

It was so hot today! Summer is already over but this autumn has been fairly warm so far. This afternoon, I practically got fried walking home. I really wish my parents could home to pick me up, but since they are too worried about the safety of riding a bike, and I'm not old enough to drive, I have to walk.

I started reading a book called The Boys of San Joaquin. I think I've heard of the place San Joaquin before. I think it's somewhere in California? Near/in the Central valley or something? I don't know if I've been there but the name really does ring a bell. But then maybe it's because I live in California.

Labels: autumn, bike, blog, california, danger, post, safety, the boys of san joaquin, walk

I was planning to put up a post yesterday, but I failed to. My parents wanted us to all get a flu shot. I never liked shots, even though they are not a fear of mine. It really felt bad last night, like I had pulled my muscle. But this morning the pain is all numb. I hope I don't get sick because of the shot. It's my first flu shot ever, I think.

I walk home on Tuesdays and Fridays, and carpool the other days. So every time I walk home, there is this small house at a corner. And above it are many electric wires. On this wires perch so many pigeons there are probably dozens, maybe even hundreds! They sit on the wires crammed side by side, and their tail feathers wag up and down, almost like a see-saw. Really weird.

On the other hand, my school also has a bird infestation. Crows. I always wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that one of the school counselors is called "Ms. Crowe". We had a seagull problem last year, but now it's crows instead.

Labels: birds, carpool, counselor, crows, flu, pigeons, seagull, see-saw, shot, tail, walk, wires

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