These past few days I've been watching the anime Angel Beats. It's already been a while since the anime came out - that was back around April to June 2010 - which is typical for me. I tend to watch older anime first and then gradually work my way up to more recent animes, so I guess I've been making pretty good progress if I'm able to watch some 2010 animes from time to time. (I think there still might be a couple of 2007 animes that I haven't watched yet, like Shattered Angels. Funny that its name is also about angels. :p)

Well, as is the case with me and most animes I've watched, I wasn't particularly intrigued by the beginning, but it got better as it went on (I felt that way about Durarara!! too). I'll try not to spoil it for those of you who have not seen it and might want to see it in the future.

I've heard it mentioned before that Yuri Nakamura, one of the protagonists of Angel Beats!, resembles Haruhi Suzumiya from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (otherwise called Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu).
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Labels: angel beats, anime, art, characters, chronological order, comparison, existence, haruhi suzumiya, life, meaning, my soul your beats, nico nico douga, pattern, proof, similar, song, time, yuri nakamura

These days, I'm always living on the edge; I get distracted by something, usually because of the Internet, and then I realize that it's late at night and I still haven't done my homework. Then I have to make a mad scramble to finish it, which is annoying not only to myself but to my parents, who feel that I go to bed too late (compared to my classmates, I actually sleep pretty early...still, I do think I'd feel a lot better if I slept more), and particularly my dad, who insists on staring at me angrily until I'm inside the bedroom. (He actually goes to bed earlier than I do on most nights, though. He gets tired early because he wakes up too early. But I don't think he's become healthy, wealthy, and wise from it...)

I used to live by the motto of "Work hard, play hard", but I seem to have lost the "work hard" part...My efforts nowadays are concentrated on things that are not urgent, such as Tumblr. I really do enjoy looking for high-quality pictures to share on my Tumblogs, though. (I do fear yet that some artist will storm in yelling at me for putting up their pics without permission, although it has not happened yet)

So I suppose there isn't much difference between how I spend my time on school days and how I'm spending it now, on my week off. I'm still on the computer much of the time. I visited Crunchyroll the other day (though I meant to quit, somehow I'm still hanging on by my fingernails...Now I'm thinking that I could just make a new account instead, and have waaaaay less buddies on it) and spent a lot of time looking at the groups (it's like a club or guild). I figured I'd request a new avatar if I found a group that didn't charge for graphics. There's technically no currency on CR except for CR points, which you can't give or receive anyways, but some groups say that you must invite all your buddies, upload X number of photos, post X number of comments on the group wall, etc. So it is refreshing when you are able to find a group that makes graphics quickly and for no charge.

Seeing all those graphics has made me long for the old days when I made graphics more actively. I think I've made a total of two graphics this school year so far and haven't taken many photos compared to last year - but at least since it's springtime I have more photo opportunities again. Anyways, though, the last graphic I made was an avatar for my Crunchyroll account, around December...



At the time when I first made it, I thought it was really great, but now I think it doesn't have quite the right amount of pizazz toward it. Maybe less of the sparkles and some other kind of brushes or textures would've been nice. (Not that I would ever go back to fix it. In my book, once something's done, it's done. That doesn't sit too well in Writing for Publication class since we have to make many drafts of almost everything we write.)

I really feel like making some graphics right now, because I want to practice and improve so that I can keep up with the times - lots of amazing graphics-makers these days, after all, and the number will keep growing - but I'm using my dad's laptop, so it's a no-can-do. Not sure if his company would appreciate me overloading their computers with programs and brushes. Guess it's time to brainstorm. I'll see if I have the chance to make some graphics once I'm back home again.

Labels: account, avatar, break, crunchyroll, distraction, father, free time, graphics, group, internet, motto, payment, pictures, plans, price, share, sleep, time, tumblr

In elementary school, it had been a tradition for the 1st graders to put on a play each year called "Once Upon a Lily Pad". It was about a frog who had trouble jumping, or something like that, and he bumped into various other pond animals, like crocodiles and snakes. I had a very short role as the Mama Frog. Even after 1st grade, we upper graders would still watch the performance, and the one thing I remember clearly about it was a certain song that goes "Listen to your parents, listen and obey" (it was a catchy song, though I'm sure my parents would be much happier if I actually followed the song's advice XD).

There was, of course, a happy ending with the frog joining our elementary school's jumping team (which is nonexistent, so don't try to find it). It's too bad real frogs can't have such a lovely life as is depicted in children's books. I was at the supermarket today with my mother, and we went to the seafood section...It was there that I saw a glass tank.

And inside of it were frogs.

The frogs were still alive - not moving much, just kind of sitting there and breathing, but they were certainly alive. On the tank, it was written that the frogs had to be killed before they left the store if you bought them.

I guess frogs can be eaten, and people do eat them. I mean, I have no qualms about eating fish. But even my appetite for fish was ruined when I saw a lady buying fish. She gave the store worker the A-OK, and he took two flopping fish and started whacking at them with a mallet. Even then, they kept on moving, kept trying to live, but the hammer thudded down, over and over, and finally, the fish were still. Dead.

It's funny to me, how I'll be repulsed by something for a while, but I always go back to normal life. I guess it's necessary for me to keep going. To keep pace with such a speedy world. But I do wish that I could take it all at a snail's pace. Just ooze along like I have forever and a day to do what I like. Even if I get squished in the process.

Labels: death, elementary, fish, food, frog, kill, once upon a lily pad, play, school, seafood, snail, song, speed, supermarket, time, world

I've been having lots of dreams over this past holiday season. Not really dreams that make me happy, though - I seem to have more and more nightmares these days. When I was younger, I was a major worrywart, though now I slack off a lot more and have a "whatever happens, happens" mentality. Can't say it's a good thing, because even if I might have a blast during the day, my sleep will be haunted by the fears that I've buried. My winter break's coming to an end, and it's rather depressing thinking that I have to go back to the tiresome daily grind again. One of the earlier dreams was about going back to school...except it was far stranger than I'd imagined it would be.

I assume that I returned to my high school, considering that in the dream I "knew" that I had 7 periods. But I had science first thing in the morning, even though it's my last class of the day, and there was a strict lady with short hair and glasses instead of my teacher. And one of my friends, who is not in my science class, was sitting near me, and her cell phone rang in class (which is impossible! She doesn't have one). I didn't have a locker, so instead I put down my backpack on the ground and was rifling through it when another friend of mine came along and told me, "I heard there's a great dessert menu!" (Since when would school lunches include such things?) I said that it sounded great, but I wasn't sure if I should eat it (I'm bound to overeat if I have too much tasty food around). She insisted, "What is food for besides eating?"

The strangest thing by far was PE. There was no locker room to change clothes, so we went into a building that looked alarmingly like a supermarket. Boys and girls all changed in that room, no privacy at all. And in the swimming pool, some guys were just fooling around, and then they must've challenged the dessert friend from earlier, because she got really fired up, saying "OH YEAH?!" and swam at a demonic speed.

I had another, shorter dream, where I was at my elementary school campus, walking with a friend I met in middle school and one who moved away when I was in 5th grade. We passed by a huge pile of brown stuff, which was apparently camel poop.

Last night's dream was weird, too, and it involved the friend who was in my dream's science class. Some of our friends had gone off during the school lunchtime to go to a nearby 7-11 and buy some food, so we decided to go too, after they'd left. But I was having difficulty getting out of the school, and could not find a way out except for trying to crawl under the barbed wire fence (luckily, there was a driveway that we walked down instead). But we didn't go to the 7-11; somehow we ended up at some other stores, one of which was a GameStop, and my friend went in and started admiring the TV screen, which was playing some Japanese commercials for video games. I don't remember what happened next, but somehow we ended up at my house, and I started to panic when I realized we were running out of time and had to get back to school. I suggested that we go out the front door and just walk back to school, but my friend, oddly enough, became very angry with me and insisted we go back the way we came. Problem is, I had no idea how we'd gotten to my house in the first place, so I followed my friend, and there were two men in the house. They went over to a wall, and one of them reached his hand into it like it wasn't solid. And he must've found a doorknob, because a door formed, and he opened it. We ended up in the outdoors, in a place full of plants (which I now suspect might've been a different version of my backyard). I don't remember anything else, as I woke up right then.

Dreaming's pretty hard work, even if it sounds like such a lazy activity... I wake up tired every time I've been having dreams. I guess it's because in a way you've been awake all night long - running around, talking to people, living an entire other life.

Labels: 7-11, camel poop, cell phone, changing clothes, dessert, dream, fantasy, friends, lazy, life, new year, night, PE class, school, slacker, sleep, strange, stress, time, worry

Although there's a show by the same time, I haven't watched it. I'm simply borrowing the name, that's all. I've often wished I could slow down time, stop it, even rewind it. But there's always things that need to be done, things that are expected of me or that I expect of myself. And when all is said and done, it's the end of the day.

It's been a while since I've gotten to write, so I certainly don't update this blog much anymore. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm just shouting at a wall - seeing as there's no one left to read this except myself - but then again, perhaps the reason why I'm the only one here is because I hardly write anything, or at least nothing particularly of interest. I don't really have the urge to write anymore. It could be because I'm taking Writing for Publication and have written much more than usual this school year, so I've drained any creative energy I had.

Or maybe it's just gone to other pursuits, not necessarily useful ones, considering my capacity for wasting time without getting bored. Well, at least I'm writing for a change. Maybe it's a start.

I've just arrived home from a trip to China, visiting relatives, as is necessary every couple of years. For a long time I'd made up my mind to hate the country, or at least the city of Shanghai, which is mostly due to what memories I had of visiting it. What I remember is...

- Being forced to dine with relatives that I had nothing to say to and who smoked indoors, and gave me gifts that I didn't want, but could not refuse because that would be bad manners

- Not wanting to eat anything except for egg tarts, which were very unhealthy. I was not interested in Chinese food, and still am not, for the most part.

- Being given huge sums of money by relatives, which made me feel uncomfortable because I didn't deserve it, and my mom always tried to take the money from me (she insisted it was for safekeeping, but I was always suspicious)

- Rude people in general (being shoved aside without apology on the street, in the subway station, and such. And vendors yelling at me if I didn't buy anything.)

- Spitting on the ground (you would hear this gagging noise and some person would spit a blob of mucus on the ground. Yuck! At least my old history teacher had the sense to do it in the trash can)

- Being stared at (store workers that would just watch me as I browsed the merchandise. Not comfortable at all)

- Near-death situations (cars, bikes, and people ignoring the red traffic lights, cars insisting on cutting you off when you had the "right of the way". Pretty funny this time since an old man said a very rude word in Chinese to the drivers)

- A general feeling of uneasiness (because of how rushed the locals seemed to be, combined with cigarette smoke and an ugly grey sky)

All of these things were still there this time, but maybe I had a different outlook now. Or maybe I was just tired of hating it. I did get to go to Beijing this time, and Beijing was pretty nice since it had parks - and cats living in them! Beijing even had a blue sky, which astonished me. But it was way too cold, and unfamiliar, and taxi drivers tried to rip us off or would refuse to drive us because of the horrible Beijing traffic jams. I guess I'd become familiar with Shanghai...I'd been there enough times to recognize the sights and sounds, and I even found that I liked nighttime there (it reminded me of Las Vegas, with the lights XD). The place hasn't changed so much. It's me who has changed.

Labels: beijing, blog, change, china, comparison, consequences, energy, familiar, lazy, memories, night, perspective, rush, shanghai, time, writing

A terribly cliched phrase, but it's true. There has been that kind of weather, last night, and sometime a few weeks earlier. Actually, I was never really afraid of thunder or lightning when I was younger, but this school year, when there was a storm with very loud thunder, I was frightened out of my wits. I don't even know why. It's not like a blackout is really something to be feared. I feel like Haruhi from Ouran High School Host Club. Or Nagi from Nyan Koi.

This morning there wasn't a storm, though it was certainly raining. I was woken up at 5 am, which is really way too early for me, even if I don't sleep well on a daily basis. It is kind of exciting, though, driving along a nearly abandoned highway and seeing the water spurting from the cars. I ought to have taken photos of the street lights or a certain bridge in my town that I am quite fond of. But I guess I was half-asleep and too lazy to bother.

Right now I'm at SFO Airport for the bajillionth time (I never started counting, but it's been many times, that's for sure). We're going to Vancouver first, and then we'll change flights to go to Shanghai. It would've been nice just to stay in Canada. But as my grandparents are aging, it becomes more important to visit them, and unfortunately they aren't going to move close to California. It might be easier if my family, instead, moved somewhere closer to China, like Australia...well, that's still rather far, but it's at least closer than California. And Australia's got some of my dad's friends. So we'd be in good company.

It's been two years since I last went to China, and I wonder how much has changed. I'm still wearing the same jacket and I've brought at least one of the same shirts. I haven't grown taller, either. I think that the things that have changed about me are mostly bad things. When I get angry, I swear in my head a lot more often than I did in middle school, and I find that I say "like" too much when I'm talking. I've seen on Tumblr that people turn into what they said they'd never be, and it's true.

While I still have the opportunity, if anyone is still reading this, allow me to announce my 2nd Tumblr! Yeah, one should be more than enough, but I have now made a division - my original tumblr, Serendipity-solstice, is for photography, quotes, and other such things (though not my own photos, that's still on my DeviantArt). The new one, click here for it, is for artwork, mostly anime-style, and it's named after this blog. Just a little tribute to Blogger for sticking with me all this time. (I mean, it has a lot less errors than Tumblr. I'm thankful for that, at least.)

I have no idea if Tumblr, DeviantArt, or Blogger will work in China, so perhaps this is the last time I write until about New Year's time. So, happy holidays to you all, and may the force be with you.

Labels: change, china, haruhi fujioka, highway, internet, morning, nagi ichinose, nyan koi, ouran high school host club, rain, relatives, same, time, travel, tumblr, weather

The story goes that Adam and Eve lived in the Garden of Eden up until Eden was convinced by a snake to eat an apple from a tree. She wasn't supposed to, so she and Adam were thrown out of the Garden of Eden. (Well, I'm no expert, so if you really want to learn more about the "first humans", ask someone else.) But it looks like such a thing could happen for robots too.

I've heard that artificial skin that can actually feel is being developed. That's all well and good, but then I was watching the Colbert Report on TV, which is something rare, considering that my dad has not watched either the Colbert Report or the Daily Show for a long time, and because I myself hardly ever watch TV, at least the channels (I do watch anime on DVDs, but that's about it). He was saying that if robots could have skin, then that would mean they could be naked, which would then me they could feel shame, like humans do.

There are some stories out there about things that aren't human but which are similar to humans or want to become humans. For instance, there's Chobits, in which there are Persocoms, which are designed to be like humans but aren't human. And then there's Eureka Seven, which I just finished last week (good anime, by the way, although 50 episodes is a bit longer than I prefer, but it was worth it). Skip to the next paragraph if you haven't watched it and don't want to see a spoiler. Eureka, one of the main characters, isn't human; she's actually a Coralian, made by the Scub Coral, an intelligent life form which is not human.

I wonder if we're ever going to make something that is so close to being human that we can't really tell it apart from a human. Anything is possible. I wonder if that would actually happen in my lifetime. Or if it would happen many years from now. Or maybe never, after all.

Anyhow, when I was watching TV, I was pretty bored. I don't really understand how people can watch a lot of TV. It seems too passive. I hate sitting there doing nothing and then getting annoyed by the commercial breaks. I mean, even at school, I have to keep my hands busy. I often do homework in class, which I don't advise that you do, because sometimes the teacher will actually teach something and then you'll miss something important.

But anyways, TV was such a bore. Maybe I'm not watching the more interesting channels; I kind of left it up to my dad. The only channel that I like a lot is HGTV, mostly because of the interior design shows.

I watched some Friends, and Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (which apparently I'm not, since I don't know which Great Lake bordered three specific states. But then I'm not sure if knowledge of facts is necessarily the right way to judge someone's intelligence. People use the word "smart" pretty loosely.) and Don't Forget the Lyrics. When it comes to game shows, I'd prefer to watch Deal or No Deal, but my dad says it might not even be airing anymore. If anyone knows whether it's still going, please let me know.

I have, however, started watching the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers. I don't usually watch dramas, because they tend to be long and cliched (it's quite common to see a rich person fall in love with a poor person in dramas :\ ). But since I recently finished Code Geass and Eureka Seven, I had nothing to watch, so I figured I might as well give Boys Over Flowers a try.

I'm on the second episode now. It's been pretty entertaining actually. I didn't expect much. (The person who said that if you expect nothing, you'll never be disappointed, is quite wise. I tend to keep my expectations low so that I'll only have pleasant surprises...Unless something is really terrible.) That curly-haired guy is such a jerk, but I guess that's what makes it funny. Especially when the protagonist goes and kicks him in the face. I'd like to do something like that. (But then, instead of being cool, it would land me in trouble. C'est la vie...)

Labels: adam, artificial, boys over flowers, chobits, colbert report, drama, entertainment, eureka seven, eve, garden of eden, human, korean, lifespan, original sin, shame, skin, television, time, TV

There's lots of things on this planet that are unique to it. The most obvious one is, of course, life, for as far as we know, Earth is the only place with living things. But having all this life also has its downside.

Like all the waste.

I'm sure you've seen some of it. Dog poop left next to sidewalks because dog owners don't bother to pick it up. And most certainly your own waste in the toilet. (I know it's disgusting to talk about that, so I won't dwell on it.)

And not just the sort of waste that animals naturally have to get rid of. Us humans have really changed. We used to live as hunter-gatherers. Then we figured out that we could use plants to our advantage by planting them on purpose and raising them until we could harvest them. Eventually we didn't have to think about survival all the time, so we were able to explore other things that interested us. We drew and painted, we sang songs and made instruments, we came up with religions and we tried to treat diseases and we came up with all sorts of inventions to speed things up. We wanted more time to ourselves. We came up with the printing press so people wouldn't have to painstakingly copy text. We hitched carriages to horses, and then we came up with cars, trains, and planes. We turned from writing letters to calling each other on the phone to emailing, and nowadays many people send text messages.

Faster, faster, faster. It's all getting too fast now, I think. I feel like there's never enough time. Everything is rushing on by. I used to be such a big fan of Pokemon. I used to await every new game eagerly, counting down the months and weeks and days. Now I don't even know about the most recent starter Pokemon. I got caught up in other things and didn't have the time to keep up with Pokemon anymore. I guess I gave up. Sometimes if I have the free time I'll pick up an older Pokemon game like Pokemon LeafGreen (which is for the Gameboy Advance. Do you remember when that was the main handheld for Nintendo, back before the DS came out?). But other than that, my old devotion for Pokemon seems to have died. It's only ever stirred up again when I see something on the Internet that makes me remember those good old days.

And since we always keep replacing our older things with newer stuff, the old things get forgotten. We leave them to collect dust in our houses (I am very guilty of that) or we throw them out. All of it really does pile up. We've got so much of it in some places that you'll see nothing but trash. The Earth is big. But don't forget that there are many, many people, too. And all those things we threw away and gave up on have to go somewhere. They stay right here on this planet. They don't magically wink out of existence, and it's not like we send all our trash into Outer Space where we can forget about it.

You don't have to become a vegetarian or never buy anything ever again. Just be a little mindful about what you do. If you see some trash on the ground or if you have some of your own, throw it away so it won't somehow get into a river and get eaten by a whale who will later end up washed up on the beach with a bunch of plastic bags inside it. If you see something and suddenly feel an urge to buy it, think for a moment whether it's something you'll treasure forever or if it's something you'll buy and never touch again. (I used to be pretty spendthrift, but nowadays I hardly buy anything. But that's mostly because I want to save money now so I can retire earlier) If you're taking a shower, even if it's cold and you don't want to get out, be a little braver and step out. (This is definitely something I need to work on.) And if drink bottled water, switch to a reusable one. I'm doing that myself in the near future.

If you have some time to spare on a weekend, don't just sit in front of your computer screen and go on the Internet, which is what I'm doing at the moment. When next September rolls around, you might want to consider taking part in cleaning up a creek or beach or some other waterway (I did that just the other day, for a school project, and thought it wasn't bad. At least it's fun to get to hold one of those trash grabber things). You'll get some fresh air and find some rather interesting garbage lying around. Just do a little something...To save the world, or to feel good about yourself, or because seeing waste is such an eyesore, or, as I would say, because you're alive and you ought to do more than just take up space. I've been doing that for all these years. But at least I can still salvage the future.

Labels: change, coastal cleanup day, earth, future, help, humans, invention, memories, planet, pokemon, speed, stuff, time, trash, waste, water bottle

With only two weeks of summer remaining, I've decided to make the most of it. My father gave me the A-OK to take walks by myself, as long as I didn't go too far away from home and remembered to bring my garage opener and cell phone with me.

My plans were foiled the first time that I made up my mind to go outside for a stroll. The sun was particularly high in the sky in the early afternoon, so I decided to wait a few hours for it to go down a bit. But then someone rang the doorbell. I figured that I shouldn't leave the house anytime soon just in case whoever it was might see me and try to talk to me. Or even worse, he/she might realize I had left home and would try to break in. (Well, we do have an alarm system, but if there's no one in the vicinity, you could still probably get away with stealing something.)

By the time I figured I could try venturing outdoors, it was already past 5 pm. If I went out now, my parents might return while I was gone. I would have to leave a note for them saying, "I'm fine, don't look for me" or something (but then they might worry and think I was running away from home). So I figured I'd have to give up on my solo walk for that day.

But on Monday, I gave it another try. I had woken up fairly early that day, so I was already rarin' to go when it was 11 am. I decided to walk to the end of the street that I live on, where the cul-de-sac is (I happen to live at the very beginning of the street, although someone who lives further down the street once said she thinks of my house as being the end of the street). There are gaps in the fence which you can go through to cross the train tracks and enter the park that is on the other side of the tracks. (The official entrance to the park is at the end of a different street. I usually go in through the little side entrance.)

As I entered the park, I saw that there were squirrels running away, probably to escape me, the big scary monster. There were also a bunch of rather funny birds. I am quite sure they were quails. (Quails are California's state bird, but I've never really seen them before. At least, not that many of them at once) They began toddling off quickly when they realized I was there. I followed them for a while (which made them walk in their awkward way even faster) until they reached a dead end and instead flew up to escape me. I guess they aren't really used to people. So they only come out at times of day where the people are far away or there aren't many of them.

I was planning to have a bit of time to myself for quiet contemplation. While walking there I had been feeling quite amiable. However, when I was about to settle down on a bench in the park, I noticed a fly on it. It wasn't one of those tiny ones that don't really bother you. It was one of those big fly sort of flies. (Due to my lack of insect knowledge, I can't tell the species.) There are no other benches in the park besides the picnic tables, which I don't want to sit at because they are close to the playground and the parents with their little kids will probably think I'm suspicious. (I mean, I was taking a box out of my bag. What if there had been a bomb in it? Though I can assure you I am not at all interested in terrorism.)

Then, soon after I dismissed the park bench as being undesirable, I heard a baby's crying. I didn't have much reason to be staying in the park any longer anyhow, so then I left for home, but using a different, longer route. Along the way home I saw a cat, which improved my mood considerably (at least, until it left). Nothing ever turns out perfectly, but I had a lovely time walking by myself. Somehow it's different when you're alone. Even if you're with someone else and you're not talking to them, you're still aware of his/her presence. But by yourself, you can let down your guard and relax for a change.

Labels: alone, animals, danger, fly, going home, outside, park, quails, ruined, summer, terrorism, thoughts, time, walk

I was just reading the February 2010 edition of Reader's Digest magazine. (Apparently we only received this issue recently, which is odd. I mean, it's long past February now. I guess they forgot to send it to us before.) This time the magazine had a focus on ways to lose weight and the attitudes of people in various countries about being fat.

Regarding France, many families eat together every night, much more than the percentage in the USA out of people surveyed. And the meals in France are quite long. My French teacher told us that the lunchtime at French schools is about two hours long, so school ends late, like 5:00 pm or so. It's such a long lunch that you might even be able to go home and take a nap (just as long as you got up in time to return to school).

Actually, the longer the meal, the less you eat, given that you talk to someone while eating. If you're holding a conversation while eating, then you don't eat as quickly, compared to when you're focused on eating (as I tend to be). That pretty much explains why eating lunch or dinner seems to take so much longer when my parents are eating with their friends.

In this way, you end up not eating as much even though you supposedly would be spending more time talking. By talking, you have to slow down your eating (unless you eat and talk at the same time, which is disgusting and can also result in choking or food coming out). It's a good strategy, but it does take up time, which is a valuable resource that is impossible to replace.

But the opposite - that less is more - is also true, when it comes to swimming pools. Blackberry Farm, a place of recreation in my town, has its pool open during the warmer months. There's a discount on Sunday evenings (after 5:00 pm), I believe, so my mother and I went to the pool.

My mom had thought it wouldn't be crowded because she figured not many people would know about the pool, but she turned out to be wrong. It was quite crowded. Still, we figured that since we bothered to come we should go and swim. I suppose that less money needed to go swimming means more people flock to the pool.

The deepest section, 6 feet deep, was the one with the least amount of people. (This is an instance of "more is less" - the deeper the water, the smaller the amount of people in it.) The shallower sections were mostly occupied by parents teaching their children to swim.

It brought back my memories of the time when I was still struggling with swimming. My mom and I would go to the YMCA pool because we used to have a membership there. My mom would tell me to do four paces of Freestyle or something like that. It had been difficult for me then. Sometimes I choked on water and became very upset. I used to resent swimming. I feared water. Even showering was something I disliked because I might get water in my eyes. Now I don't fear the pool anymore. I guess the toils and trouble turned out to be worth it.

Labels: conversation, deep, fear, fight, france, lunch, magazine, meal, pool, readers digest, shower, struggle, swimming, time, trick, water, weight, YMCA

I just read a book called Sand Dollar Summer by Kimberly K. Jones. In the book, the main character had said that if there had been only a few seconds of difference, the driver of a car wouldn't have collided with her mom's car and caused an accident. And then they probably wouldn't have gone back to her mom's old home of Maine. And if she hadn't gone to Maine a lot of things wouldn't have happened. It's like the butterfly/dead grasshopper effect.

For some people, "every penny counts" is not something they believe in. When they drop a few coins on the ground, they don't bother to pick it up because they feel it's not worth the effort. (I pick up money when I see it, though. I like coins since they're all...metallic.)

I was a few seconds away from trauma and possibly death myself on Thursday. I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for the light to change so I could cross the street. Right as I was stepping out on the street a car to my left was trying to turn right...It almost crashed into the three people walking a bit ahead of me. The driver stopped quite suddenly to avoid rolling over us. If the driver had seen us pedestrians a little bit later, I might have witnessed a car accident. And I'd be standing in front of a gruesome scene, calling 911 in a panicked fashion. Or perhaps if I had walked forward a bit more I would've been in the accident too. Imagine, just a few seconds can make so big a difference...

Sometimes I don't know what to think. At times, life moves too quickly, but at other times it seems painstakingly slow. I think time, like what happens to you, depends on how you interpret it... I guess time is really just a concept, though we may "measure" it with clocks.

And then there is this theory that perhaps life is just a dream. That we've been dreaming a long time and we simply haven't woken up yet. The line between dreams and reality can easily be blurred. I was thinking of Yosemite one night before I slept and then I had a dream where I was there, except things were weird there (dreams, after all, can be rather unrealistic, as they don't make sense at all...). I can't remember the dream anymore. I wish that I could. But it's like water - it flows right out of your hand...

Labels: book, butterfly effect, car accident, coins, concept, dreams, every penny counts, life, reality, sand dollar summer, seconds, speed, time, truth, yosemite

Do not be alarmed. The sky is not falling. Your hair is not on fire. Your family and friends are all alive and well. The world is not ending.

The running that I am referring to here is not running for survival, but as part of a chosen lifestyle.

Judging from what I am hearing and seeing at my school, being a teacher can be a really great job. Sure, you might catch colds from the kids, have to deal with rude and overly talkative children, and complain about not being paid as much as you deserve, but teaching has its perks, too. You receive pension when you're retired, and you can go to school with your kids, if you're like my math teacher (his kids are in middle school right now, so he gets to go to school and leave school with them!). You also get to watch kids grow up and have a hand in how they turn out. It must be really cool seeing your students come back many years later, mature and successful.

The PE teachers have a nice time. They can be outside in the fresh air and have less grading to do than other teachers, but they are paid the same. They can exercise if they feel like it or they can just stand and order the kids to do something. And I don't think you would normally have to work overtime. (My parents still do work at home after they get back at work. I think it's more lax if you're a PE teacher.)

I heard that one of the PE teachers injured his Achilles tendon and it was driving him crazy because he couldn't run. I'm very fearful of getting my Achilles tendon hurt because of how important it is - you could be out for a year, depending on how bad the injury is. It's pretty important in walking and running. It was already bad enough those times I sprained my ankle and kept getting left behind when I tried to run in PE.

I just really wish I could live the active lifestyle. Even the non PE teachers have the chance to pursue athletic hobbies. One time, during PE class, I saw my history teacher jogging on the track. Maybe it was his prep period and he didn't have anything to do so he decided to enjoy the nice weather. I wish I could be as lucky as him, doing a job that I like and also doing one of my hobbies at work.

I am sad about going to high school because I don't think I'll be able to take PE every year. I know I will take it for at least two years, one time in 9th grade, and the other not determined yet. I really want to take PE every year because I fear I will not exercise enough without it. But I don't know if I can. We can only take a certain amount of classes. And it really saddens me.

Labels: achilles tendon, classes, family, health, high school, hobbies, injury, jealousy, job, life, lifestyle, mature, overtime, PE class, pros and cons, running, school, teacher, time, wish

This past Sunday, I changed the time of my piano class, because my mother wanted me to come with her to attend a seminar being held locally. The seminar was about getting into one of those great Ivy League colleges, which is what most of the seminars I have heard of seem to be about. I was not impressed by similar seminars I had attended in the past (though my experience in this is certainly not vast; I have only been to a few "How to get into college!" seminars) and so I was very reluctant to go...I thought it would be a hassle to have to change the time of my piano lesson. I don't like to have my piano class later in the day because I think that my teacher in general feels more benevolent in the morning. (But my dad argued that she should be talkative in the evening because she would get lonely in the nighttime. Hmm, personally, I think by the end of the day she would be tired of teaching and would not be in the mood for side conversation.)

The lesson was changed to the evening, 7:45 pm. At the end of the class, I exited my teacher's apartment and noticed that there were some bugs trying to get close to the light next to her door. It seems that insects, particularly moths, are always eager to get as close as possible to any light source, even if they end up burning up in the process.

I feel that everyone is, in the end, attracted to light. Some of us may be nocturnal, but that dose not mean that we live without light, for even at nighttime, there is a little light, whether it be from the moon and stars or from something we have created here on this Earth. And as damaging as the light may be, particularly the sunlight, which can destroy our eyes and skin, we still need it. It's kind of a strange relationship.

I remember during my Yosemite trip in March that the nighttime had frightened me. The flashlights of the students kept blinding me and sometimes it was quite difficult to identify figures in the dark. I felt keenly aware of the dangers of tumbling into a ditch or tripping on a tree branch and spraining my ankle, for in the daylight it was quite easy to see this things, but in the darkness everything had an ominous aura to it that had not been present during the daylight hours. One time I woke up during the night because I drank too much water earlier and unfortunately needed to use the bathroom, and looking outside, I saw that there was not a soul to be seen, the lights appearing rather eerie as they shined upon the ground. It was peaceful, but in a way it was also scary, reminding me of a ghost town.

I wonder what it would be like to be nocturnal. Those beings who are surrounded by so much darkness see a very different world. Our world of daylight is bright, filled with color and vibrancy, in some ways comforting and in other ways overwhelming. But without the sun lighting your surroundings, colors fade, and your world seems to be in greyscale. You notice shapes and movement more than you do the fine details. It is harder to rely on your eyes when their capabilities seem to have been simplified. Every sound seems that much louder to your ears, even if you are not listening intently on purpose. You feel your way around to try and diminish the dangers.

Being unable to see the great spectrum of colors seen in light, I wonder if perhaps it is a harsh existence. Color makes things alive, beautiful...And you develop your preferences for colors, perhaps preferring the bold, passionate red, or the more soothing blues and greens, or perhaps you like the neon versions of colors. Or perhaps you like black, that one color said to complement every other. At the same time, without the light and color, you focus on other things, what you hear and touch and feel within yourself. With all these visual distractions during the daytime, I wonder if perhaps it is us being of the daytime that are missing out.

Labels: change, class, college, colors, danger, darkness, ghost town, light, night, piano, preference, seminar, senses, sight, sound, time, touch, trip, variety, yosemite

It's a book by Katherine Paterson, which I read a long time ago, sometime back in elementary school. I don't think I fully understood what I was reading. But I doubt I'll be rereading the book to get another look at it (there are so many good books in the world out there that I haven't read, and I'd like to get to those first).

Well, I am not a fan of Jacob Black from Twilight (or, more specifically, the actor for him in the movies, Taylor Lautner) but I ended up with him on April Fool's Day. On DeviantArt, every user's avatar was replaced with a joke avatar. The possibilities were Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, Team Seeker, or Lady Gaga...It was so hard to tell who was who. It goes to show how I rely on pictures to recognize things. It's hard for me to remember so many names.

This week is my spring break. I'll be staying home for the break. Seeing as I had a trip to the Grand Canyon/Las Vegas in February, and a Yosemite trip in March, I think I've had enough of the excitement of traveling. (And it is costly, so I was hoping to save up more money for my retirement by not spending it on travel costs now.) Also, I do have some homework which I need to work on. I'm rather reluctant to do research for an upcoming project because this is supposed to be my time off, but I guess it can't be helped. Work must be done, and someone's gotta do it.

Unfortunately, I had the misfortune of catching a cold, presumably from a student at my school (due to frequent changes in weather, some students have fallen ill). I really hate having to spend my time off sick. Still, it's better than being sick during the school days, since then you either have to miss school and make it up, or you have to go to school and be miserable all day long. Indeed, my history teacher has gotten sick several times this school year and he was always having to spit in the trash can. (Not pleasant to watch. But he said it was either that or he "literally stopped breathing". Actually, I think a few students didn't think it was such a bad idea.)

I was meaning to write more, but it seems like all of a sudden my ideas have dried up, like an old well. I only hope that if I keep typing, my ideas will return to me, and this will not be a waste of your time. (Time is money, and time is what we want most but use worst. So of course you must understand its value.)

Recently, I finished watching an anime called R.O.D. the TV. The ROD part stands for Read or Die (sounds rather disturbing at first, and it is related to the storyline, but it's not horror). I had been reluctant to watch it at first, it being a fairly old anime from 2003-2004. However, I started watching it one time when my mom's friends were over (they had two children) and found it to be more enjoyable than I expected. Sometimes I don't think an anime will be good, but I decide to give it a chance and watch it, and then it turns out to be better than I expected. So you should always try something out before you dismiss it completely since you could later regret not doing it.

Just to give you a bit of an idea, R.O.D. the TV is about three sisters who are paper masters that can control paper. The sisters are supposed to be "bodyguards" for an author, and end up involved in the plans of Mr. Joker and many others, who are trying to revive a great man named Mr. Gentlemen. When I was younger (and I still do this sometimes) I'd often imagine myself with some kind of special power. It's too bad that it never does happen in real life that way. What we think of as magical is often Mother Nature at work. But at the same time we can never let go of any fanciful dreams. (Just look at all the science fiction and fantasy books that are published to this day. In fact, fantasy is a pretty popular genre of books.)

Labels: anime, april fool's day, book, break, deviantart, expectations, fantasy, homework, jacob black, read or die, rod the tv, sick, spit, surprise, teacher, time, travel, trip, twilight, value

For several years now, I've felt like I have obligations to things that I have started (and later regretted doing so). Mostly it has been websites. I would join a website, perhaps out of curiosity or because of a friend's recommendation, and for a while I might be enjoying myself on the site, but after some time I would grow bored. In some cases the site was not important to me, so it was easy for me to quit going on it. But in other cases, I had spent a long time building up things on my account that I had become proud of, and I didn't want to leave because I was afraid all that hard work would go to waste. And I ended up weaving a kind of spiderweb around myself, trapping me in an endless routine of visiting websites, making it feel like a chore and not something done for fun.

It happened to me with video games as well. I used to brush my dogs in the game Nintendogs every day. I kept them in good condition - they were always in the hygiene state of Beautiful, they were always fed and given water, I took them on walks every few days (to go to the discounted shop to buy dog food, water, and collars), and I trained them until they could easily win the Agility contests (which allowed me to make lots of money). In fact, I earned enough money to be able to remodel my house all the way to the most expensive kind, which gives you a view from Outer Space.

I really didn't want to abandon my dogs because I feared they would run away (they run away if you neglect them too long, and I prided myself on never having a dog run away) and because I thought all the work I had done, every day, for years, would become meaningless. It was only when I had to prioritize my activities (and Nintendogs was one of the ones I decided to sacrifice) that I stopped playing the game. (And anyways, my DS screen was ruined from all the brushing.)

Indeed, I am still playing Animal Crossing: Wild World to this day because of my annoying sense of obligation. I turn on the game once a day in order to water my plants. I have cultivated a vast garden of flowers. I also used to spend much time in making money, which really did pay off, because I was able to expand my house to its utmost capacity. (It has three floors - there is one big room and three smaller rooms on the first floor, one small room on the second floor, and the third is a basement type of thing where my "people" sleep) Always, always, always, I feel like I can't possibly part with these things, however material and shallow they may be, because of all the time and energy I devoted to them.

But I know, with a sinking feeling, that these things must eventually be put aside... The older you get, the less time you seem to have (or at least, you have to spend your time on other matters). And I fear eventually I will not have the time to even water those flowers, that they will all turn brown, and wither up and die, and weeds will take over my town. I am sure this has already happened for other gamers, who have grown bored or simply cannot find the opportunity to play anymore. And I am unwilling to buy Animal Crossing: City Folk, the newest of the Animal Crossing games, because I don't want to become interested and motivated, and then have to give it up - it would sit, collecting dust, like many of my Gamecube and some of my Wii games. I feel terrible now for having wanted video games, when I really don't use them much and they do cost a big chunk of cash. That money could have gone to worthy causes, or even to my retirement, which I moan and sigh over so much.

Eventually, I know I must disentangle myself from the trap I have laid around me. I need to learn the lesson of being able to give up certain things, without worrying so much over them the way I am wont to do. I wonder if it's just a part of my nature and I won't ever be able to overcome it. I really hope that is not the case. It unsettles me to think that things are impossible and that the sky really is the limit.

Labels: accomplishments, age, animal crossing, fun, future, hard work, human nature, letting go, money, nintendo ds, nintendogs, obligation, problem, sacrifice, time, trapped, video games, waste, website

There have been myths about the moon. People have thought that sleeping outside under the full moon would make you go crazy, and there are some creatures, like werewolves, associated with the moon. Words have come from the moon, too, like the words lunatic and lunacy.

I fear that my mother may have some problem with her eyes or mind. On Thursday night, we went outside to look at the sky and try to spot the moon because of an astronomy lab I need to do for my science class. After walking around my backyard and looking in different directions, I finally found the moon. It looked rather unusual; The white, sunlit crescent shape was on the bottom of the moon, not on the left or right (which I had expected).

My mom was staring at the moon rather strangely, and later on, she asked me, "Did you see other white things? Not the part at the bottom?" I said no, I had not. I wonder if perhaps her eyes were going bad or if she was hallucinating. (Well, people do see things in the moon, like animals and men and things like that) Nearsighted people don't usually see funny things when they don't have their glasses on, do they? Is this a result of old age or stress?

Time really is passing, after all, and my parents aren't getting any younger - nor is my aunt's family. Once a week or every other week, my mom and her younger sister will talk over the phone or on Skype. This week my aunt talked a little about her son and his birthday party. She and my mom also discussed their countries' policies about retirement and things like that. (She lives in France, and things work differently there.) I guess after years of working, you're counting off the days (more like years) until you get to settle down.

My cousin has already turned ten years old. And I myself will be going on to high school next year. How did this time pass so fast? It feels like so long ago now, the time when my aunt, uncle, and cousins came to our house for a while. Back then, things were really different. I had still been in elementary school, and there wasn't that much to worry about it. In fact, probably the only thing that bothered me at all was the annoying behavior of my cousins. Both of them were rather picky, if you ask me. One of my cousins wanted to eat ramen noodles, so we cooked her some (I think it was just one of those Maruchan ramen packs, where you get a pack of dried doodles and you put them in hot water), but she didn't eat that much. (I hope her appetite has improved. I know her brother has quite the healthy appetite. He even ate more than I did at a pizza place, which is impressive.) At the time she was quite prone to crying when something upset her, though the last time I saw her she was a bit better in that regard (I suppose people do mature somewhat with age).

Well, my pet fish have been aging too, and so there aren't that many of them left. We used to have guppies, once upon a time, but they are all long dead. Now there are only two fish in the smaller tank. We have three fish in the other tank. The big tank, where the three koi are, is by far the most dangerous. If you open the tank, you will see the lid is only propped up on one side, and even that part is unstable. So there has to be another person standing by to hold up the lid AND hold up the black part under the lid that fits in a slot directly over the water and fish.

I was feeding the fish the other night, with my mom holding up the lid. My mom said that I was dropping the food in the wrong place since it ended up landing on one of the fake plants, and the fish have really bad eyesight (and don't have much brains either) so they don't notice the food. I got some kind of fish tank cleaning rod and was going to use it to poke the fake plants so the food would fall down onto the bottom of the tank, where the fish would have an easier time getting to it. Unfortunately, my mom tried to reach for the rod I was holding and in the process lost her grip on the lid of the tank, so it crashed down and bonked us both on the head.

For a while my head was sore, but as I am accustomed to such injuries, I soon forgot about it. However, my mom was still having a headache later on. I wonder if this is a result of old age. Since you can't really make new brain cells, and you're weaker in general, it's harder when you do get injured. I hope it won't give my mother any permanent head damage. But I fear it is already affecting her. She forgot that I would be staying late after school to take a French test and panicked, thinking some tragedy had befallen me. (Luckily, nothing of the sort had happened.) I probably should have reminded her in the morning, but still, I would have thought she'd remembered. This is a very bad sign indeed. If she can't remember something her only child has to do...Imagine if she had a lot of them, like seven children.

Labels: age, appetite, brain damage, cousins, crescent, danger, eyesight, fish, france, illusion, lid, memory, moon, picky, ramen, relatives, retirement, tank, time, young

CORRECTION: Whoops, this is actually the 299th post. My bad.
This post marks 300 posts in this blog. It's amazing how much I've been able to write over time, and I'm glad that I got this far. I hope you've enjoyed the ride too.

I thought I had better back up some of my posts on my computer, in case Blogger ever blinks out of Internet existence or my blog accidentally gets deleted or something like that. I was looking through my posts and I realized I had used the title "Walking on the Moon" twice. Oopsy. I try not to ever repeat post names, but I unintentionally do so... I guess this is what happens when your quantity gets too big. As for the quality, I hope it has not gone down over time. When I look back at some of my posts, I think, "Oh, that was a fun time, but it feels like so long ago." There are some times when I don't have much to write about, like the post "Ansel Adams", when I was lacking for inspiration, and it was a drag to write the post. (I felt like I should write something, to prevent me getting rusty from less practice writing) And there are also times when I have so many things to write about, I'm churning out posts everyday and I feel like I'm on top of the world. I wonder if I can grasp that feeling again.

There's something I'm always wondering about, and that is my appetite. It seems that even if I eat too much at one time and get full, later on I'll feel hungry again. (I might not really be hungry, only as soon as I see something yummy, I feel the urge to eat it.) I guess I have to ration what I eat since it seems I will always get hungry at certain times regardless of how much I ate earlier. This is rather dangerous and makes me feel like a fish or something. I bet my fish would keep eating beyond their capacities if I gave them a ton of food. (That's why I tend to "starve" them by only giving them the bare minimum at feeding time. I don't even feed them daily.)

While I was walking home today, I overheard a girl talking about how her dog had vomited. (Sorry to give you that mental picture if you were eating) I kind of thought about how people really still behave a lot like animals. I've heard dogs can sneeze and cough too (not sure about cats), like us. Both animals and humans scratch themselves when they're itchy. And we certainly do vomit as well. In the end, no matter how humans try to control and dominate and become "civilized", they're still animals.

I remembered something today that I hadn't thought about in a long time. When I was in elementary school, I used to go the YMCA daycare on the campus after school, where I stayed until my parents came back from work and could pick me up. There were sometimes questions we could answer, for instance, since I mentioned itches earlier, there was once a question, "Do you scratch an itch or itch a scratch?" We would write our answer on a slip of paper, as well as our name, and put it in a plastic box. Then, one day, one of the people working at the YMCA (we called them "leaders"), would randomly pick out a piece of paper where the question was answered correctly (I believe it was sorted for correct answers first), and then the person or people chosen would get a prize of some sort. It feels like a long time ago now.

Even sixth grade seems far away. I still have plenty of memories, but they gradually become fuzzier over time, more surreal, more distant. After a while I end up thinking, "Those were great times. And I'll probably never have them again." I still enjoy things in my daily life. But it's rather clouded by all the knowledge of the world you get, because when you're young everything's fresh and simple, everything is clearly defined. The lines get blurred when you're older, unless you can still keep that innocence, and I long for those days when things were not complicated. I don't know if I can have that kind of life again. I think that you don't realize how nice it is to be young until you get older.

I feel worn out of having to deal with stresses and concerns, and that's why I want to retire. I'd thought that if I didn't have to work any longer, and be able to focus my attentions on the little things, things that I want to do but don't get around to doing, things would be easier. Maybe they would be, and maybe they wouldn't. I'd still like to see for myself. And I don't want to wait more than fifty years for it.

Labels: 300, appetite, blog, complicated, fish, food, innocence, inspiration, life, memories, old, retirement, scratch an itch, simplicity, stress, time, walking on the moon, winner, YMCA, youth

That kind of rhymes, considering the way that Yosemite is pronounced.

I've been wondering for a while now why Yosemite is pronounced the way it is. It's pronounced like "Yo-seh-mi-tee". I think that's rather misleading. On the lost and found sign for the Yosemite trip, Yosemite was misspelled "Yosemity". So wouldn't it make more sense to pronounce the name "Yo-seh-mee-teh"? But I suppose what makes sense isn't necessary how things work out.

While I was at Yosemite, I led a very different lifestyle from what I live at home. I spent much more time outside moving around. I almost always wore multiple layers to keep myself warm (except for the times that I became hot from hiking and skiing). I had to get used to having a heavy backpack on my back (I know you're not supposed to pack a lot, but I brought anything I thought I might need, like extra socks, a rain poncho, and gaiters - I never even used the gaiters), since usually I use a roller backpack. I had to adjust to having little sleep and to constantly having dry skin. (But some of my skin problems weren't as bad at Yosemite. My mom says it was because I took short, cold showers, which is better for your health, not like the warm, long ones I take at home)

And all this exercise was a good thing. It helped me build more strength, and I was surprised at how long I lasted, even if I wasn't a fast hiker. It's weird, but I had a different sort of appetite at Yosemite than I have back home. At home I get hungry quite often and I end up eating too much (better keep me away from the almond crunch!), but at Yosemite I sometimes lose my appetite, while at other times I am just moderately hungry, and don't eat very much, but it's enough. And I had to eat celery, which I never ate back home (it's not too bad, I guess, I always thought it must be terrible since people eat it with PEANUT BUTTER and I'm allergic to that). All this exercise made me lose some weight and made me feel better about myself since I could eat more and know I would burn it off, so I wouldn't have to worry about rationing myself (which I've been doing unsuccessfully, I always end up with too much food in one way or another. Eating is something of comfort, after all).

When I got back home, I realized how little exercise I do in comparison. In Yosemite, we might stop once in a while, but other than that we spend a lot of time standing or walking or climbing up something. At home, I am indoors a lot, sitting down, doing some work that requires me to stare closely at something, rather than getting natural light, which is better for my retina or something like that (I can't say I know the specifics about eyes, so don't ask me). And I actually eat more at home, or at least it feels like that. I wish I could always live the kind of lifestyle I had in Yosemite, being active, and being in the outdoors. That's where we are all supposed to be, but us humans have built walls around ourselves, put roofs over our heads, surrounded ourselves with technology to make our lives easier. In some ways this is good and in others it is quite saddening.

I hope that I never forget the experiences I had at Yosemite. I think it may have been one of the only times I ever really got close to nature. One day, when we were hiking at nighttime, a chaperone told us all to turn off our flashlights, be quiet, and stand still. We looked up at the sky, and it was amazing. The sky was really dark, and it was speckled with beautiful white stars. I have never seen so many stars at one time in my life, because in the town where I live, you can't see so many of them (unless you go out late at night, which I don't; in Yosemite it was only maybe 9 pm when you could see all those stars). Humans have affected the world so much that it becomes harder to see stars, but at least now I know there are still havens, still precious places where you can see night the way it is supposed to be seen.

I'd like to get a telescope. With one, I could take a much closer look at the night skies. I have heard that there are times when you can see other planets, such as Venus, and I want to try that. And there's eclipses, too; I didn't pay all much attention to them in the past. But now I think I'd like to see one sometime.

There are so many marvelous spectacles I have yet to witness in the world. I wonder if I will ever get the chance to see them all. I once heard that there were two people who were hospitalized because of problems with their noses. One had his/her problem fixed, and left the hospital. The other had some sort of terminal illness, so he/she traveled and did things that the other person didn't do (and probably never would). Sometimes you have to realize how little time you really have left on the Earth to make full use of it.

Labels: appetite, backpack, change, eating, health, humans, indoor, life, lifestyle, nature, night, outdoor, pronunciation, shower, skin, sky, stars, time, weight, yosemite

That is French for "Circus of the Sun". It's really a lovely name. And I think the performances are lovely too.

While I was in Las Vegas, my family saw a show, the KÀ. It's a wild and exciting show, but at times also peaceful or comical. KÀ can be seen in the hotel/casino MGM Grand.

This is the second performing arts show that I've seen in Las Vegas that cost money to see. The first one I saw was Le Rêve, which is not part of the Cirque du Soleil (Cirque du Soleil has several shows, such as the O, Mystère, The Beatles Love, and I heard there's a new one, Viva Elvis). I think Le Rêve was a good show too. But it's a pretty different experience from KÀ. For one thing, Le Rêve has water, while KÀ has fire.

I don't want to spoil much of the KÀ for you, so I'll only talk about one part of it. There is this one scene where a prince and another guy are making shadows. It's pretty cool. They formed various animals with their hands. I'm talking about something like this (click here!). I'd like to try doing that sometime. I'm not really great with any kind of puppets, not to mention doing shadow puppets. (But I probably haven't tried enough to find out anyways.)

It seems performing in the shows is pretty dangerous. True, mostly people have lines attached to themselves, so they aren't going to fall and break their necks, but there are a few performers who don't have these safety lines, and they do rather risky-looking things. I've never seen someone mess up in the two shows I've seen, but you never know, accidents do happen...

...like car accidents. There seem to have been several in this area. I've never been involved in one, thank goodness, besides getting scratches on cars (and that's no big deal, since no one was hurt). But there really is death happening, even if you haven't been seeing it, people are dying all the time - and it's so hard for me to realize because none of my relatives or friends have ever died. That's why I have trouble sometimes feeling sorry for people who are starving in other countries. Since I haven't experienced it, I can't really understand it (I'm a seeing is believing sort of person). I might be starting to understand, but I don't know if I'd really get it. (There is, after all, a difference between just feeling sorry for someone and actually understanding their situation.)

I've been realizing lately how time is also passing, though subtly. I was taking pictures outside, and even though two pictures (of the same place) were only less than a minute apart in time, the background (the sky and clouds) was different. That's how fast clouds are really moving on a windy day. On some days, you don't think the clouds are moving, especially since they are far away and it is hard to see their movement, but they really are...

And I'm always stuck with mostly the same people as I move up through the grades. Sure, there are people from other elementary schools added once you're in middle school, but eventually you know those people too, and it's just the same old faces. I sometimes feel people act rather immature and really aren't any different, except maybe being taller, but really, they are changing. And the schools are different as you move up. Some middle school classrooms look like elementary school classrooms, but there are different desks (the kinds with the chair attached to the desk; at first I wasn't used to it and I tried to scoot back, but the whole desk moved). And although I wasn't too excited about having to go to high school next school year because it's only across the street and I will still be with mostly the same people (though I will see more of the older students), there are some changes there, too. We'll get to use lockers (we do have lockers at my school but most people don't get to use them nowadays), and we'll actually get to sit in chairs when we have assemblies. This is a major change. In elementary and middle school, we've had to sit on the ground for the sake of space.

And there is one change that I hadn't thought about for a long time. In elementary school, during recess, mostly the students spent their time on the playground, though some people played on the grass, walked around, or spent time in areas they weren't supposed to me (like me...hehe...I used to make mud things in plastic containers). But once you get to middle school, there's no more time on the playground. Instead, you spend time talking with your friends or studying. I guess you just get used to it. One of my friends has a younger sister who is still in elementary school. Her sister asked, "What do you do during brunch (what recess is now called)?" My friend said, "We just talk..." And her sister said, "That's boring." (Probably seems that way...I mean, back in sixth grade I just read books instead of socializing anyhow.) But I guess she'll adjust to it too when she moves up to middle school. It seems mostly everyone does sooner or later. People just accept the way things are.

Labels: car accident, change, circus, cirque du soleil, clouds, desk, different, KA, KÀ, las vegas, le rêve, people, playground, recess, school, shadow, show, sky, time, understanding

Today's homework was to write a poem about ourselves. The poem started and ended with "I am -namegoeshere-." In the poem there are eight other lines. Four of those lines are true things about ourselves and the other four are lies. I thought it was interesting that my teacher wanted us to write lies about ourselves. Was it for fun, so we could pick out which parts were right and which parts were false?

I've never been much of a poet myself, I'm afraid. When I was young I tried my hand at writing a poem. I think I still have it tucked away in a notebook. Now that I look back at it, the poem seems rather meaningless and rough. I guess that things always look different when time passes, though. Drawings that seemed good to me when I was younger just look funny when I get older. And seeing pictures of myself a few years ago, I think, "Wow, I looked really different then." (But after a while I always looked similar in the pictures. I suppose it means I'm getting old.)

Sometimes I wonder if it's better to always tell the truth or if it's okay to lie sometimes. Most of the time telling the truth is the better thing to do - it shows you have integrity, and people who lie tend to get found out anyways (unless they're good at lying. I mean, I heard all the best thieves are never caught).

But telling the truth can be a harsh thing. Sometimes this happens to me, or I see it with other people... A person asks their friends, "Do you like my ____?" or says, "My drawing is so terrible!" And their friends would just say they liked it or that their drawing was bad right away. I wonder if they really mean it or if they're like me...Sometimes, even if I don't really think as highly of something as the person asking me does, I just say "It's nice" or something like that anyways. I figure they'd be offended if I say "I'm not really that fond of it." I don't want to hurt their feelings, so I just pick the safe choice and pretend.

But how much longer can this go on? How much longer until it all unravels? I can't always live my life like this, can I? And yet speaking my mind could be costly too. I don't know what I would rather do.

There's also a different situation, one I haven't come across yet, but still a possible one. Say there is a person who actually has some health problems. In fact, they have a terminal illness, but they don't know it - but some people close to them know. The person would become depressed and listless if they found out about it, but as long as they think they're not going to die soon they are able to live their life happily and blithely. Do you think they should know because they deserve to know their own fate? Or should the truth be hidden from the person so they can enjoy what life they have left?

Anyways, on to a different topic... Today in PE class, my PE teacher spoke to us about a girl who has one of the school records for triple jump. She is still in the school (in fact, she is in my grade). The teacher said, "I've heard a few people suggesting she's been using steroids. That's not true at all. She trains really hard every day with a professional coach, and worked to make her legs and body strong. Don't say that she's been cheating and taking the easy way out by using steroids. She has really good work ethic. I think people who are saying that she uses steroids are just jealous. And yeah, it makes sense to be jealous, but you can just say, 'Wow, she's good.' You don't need to mention steroids."

There are some athletes out there, such as a few baseball players, who use steroids. Some folks think that athletes who have used steroids should be taken out of the Hall of Fame or whatever records they got into. My PE teacher had an idea for it...He said he should leave both the records of people who used steroids and those who didn't in the records, but that the people who used steroids would get a * next to their name. I think that's a pretty good idea. That way everyone will get credit, but people who decided to use steroids would have some shame. I think it's only fair. If you do something dishonorable, you have to pay the consequences. (I believe in poetic justice. But it's not always dealt like that in life.)

Labels: athlete, baseball, death, fate, friends, happiness, innocence, justice, lie, life, opinion, PE class, picture, poem, pretend, record, steroids, thief, time, truth

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