Every afternoon, when school has let out for the day, I walk home, and along the way I try to pay attention to my surroundings. I became somewhat of an expert on the neighborhood - I could tell which house had been for sale (but you could see the house by appointment only), I knew which house had a dog and put up decorations for the holidays, I knew where one of my classmates lived because of I'd seen her go up to a house.

I also recognize some of the people who walk and bike home via the same route that I do. There was one person who caught my attention, a boy who seemed to have an interest in trees. Particularly ones that had parts of them severed off. Once I saw him standing with one foot on a tree stump. At first I thought he was going to tie his shoelaces, but he didn't. He just stood there without saying anything.

And then I saw him again, a few days ago, standing by the fence bordering a house. He had one hand on a round orange shape which I realized was what remained of a tree limb. I somehow got the feeling that it had been painful for the tree. It must have spent a long time growing a nice strong limb and then had it all cut off... It seemed there were traces of some liquid on the place where the limb once was. The blood and tears of the tree.

Friday was the first rally of the school year. It's a gathering of the students of all four grades (or "classes", as they call them. Class of 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014) where we basically make a lot of noise and show our school spirit. The freshman class was unfortunately quite lacking. I must say, I couldn't even tell what the juniors were shouting, on the other side of the gym. (They really made a racket, though. They were really good. Not like us freshmen, though I hear that it's always like this the first time.)

It was really uncomfortable to have to keep standing for so long, in a cramped space, and on a hot day. I was feeling really stifled. It didn't help that it sometimes got so loud that one of my ears would get those rustling, crackling sounds (I start hearing things funny in my ears whenever it's loud...But I thought it would be rude if I covered my ears). I was relieved to get out of there. The sunlight and fresh air were more refreshing than they had been for a long time.

I've realized that I don't really like to be pent up inside. I do like to go to class and learn, but it gets tiring being indoors for too long. (At least in Writing for Publication, a class that I'm taking this year, we got to go outside twice, which was a refreshing change.) I was stressed and unhappy for a while when I was at Yosemite, but now I realize that I at least ought to have better appreciated the fact that I got to go to school outdoors, breathing in fresh air, being able to hold snow in my hands, seeing more stars than I could ever count. I think it'd be nice if I could just move to the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of books, and study by myself in the wilderness. So many "what ifs". They never seem to come true.

Labels: boy, fresh air, freshmen, high school, indoors, nature, observation, outdoors, painful, rally, stifling, tree, uncomfortable, walk, yosemite

I just read a book called Sand Dollar Summer by Kimberly K. Jones. In the book, the main character had said that if there had been only a few seconds of difference, the driver of a car wouldn't have collided with her mom's car and caused an accident. And then they probably wouldn't have gone back to her mom's old home of Maine. And if she hadn't gone to Maine a lot of things wouldn't have happened. It's like the butterfly/dead grasshopper effect.

For some people, "every penny counts" is not something they believe in. When they drop a few coins on the ground, they don't bother to pick it up because they feel it's not worth the effort. (I pick up money when I see it, though. I like coins since they're all...metallic.)

I was a few seconds away from trauma and possibly death myself on Thursday. I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for the light to change so I could cross the street. Right as I was stepping out on the street a car to my left was trying to turn right...It almost crashed into the three people walking a bit ahead of me. The driver stopped quite suddenly to avoid rolling over us. If the driver had seen us pedestrians a little bit later, I might have witnessed a car accident. And I'd be standing in front of a gruesome scene, calling 911 in a panicked fashion. Or perhaps if I had walked forward a bit more I would've been in the accident too. Imagine, just a few seconds can make so big a difference...

Sometimes I don't know what to think. At times, life moves too quickly, but at other times it seems painstakingly slow. I think time, like what happens to you, depends on how you interpret it... I guess time is really just a concept, though we may "measure" it with clocks.

And then there is this theory that perhaps life is just a dream. That we've been dreaming a long time and we simply haven't woken up yet. The line between dreams and reality can easily be blurred. I was thinking of Yosemite one night before I slept and then I had a dream where I was there, except things were weird there (dreams, after all, can be rather unrealistic, as they don't make sense at all...). I can't remember the dream anymore. I wish that I could. But it's like water - it flows right out of your hand...

Labels: book, butterfly effect, car accident, coins, concept, dreams, every penny counts, life, reality, sand dollar summer, seconds, speed, time, truth, yosemite

Well, I mentioned the butterfly effect in my previous post. In a nutshell, it's where one small thing happens, which leads to another thing, and another thing, and another thing, until a really big thing happens.

Shirayuki no Kimi called me a young grasshopper. I was rather offended and retorted, "I'm not young!" (After all, young can be associated with foolish. Like how in French, it's better to be called Madame than Mademoiselle because of such associated meanings)

SnK: Fine, then, old grasshopper.
Me: Dead Grasshopper.
SnK: Decomposing grasshopper.
Me: Hm...Worm food grasshopper.
SnK: Bird poop grasshopper.
Me: Mom's head grasshopper.
It kept going for a little while until it got to "Juppie's photo grasshopper", "Internet grasshopper", and then "famous grasshopper".

I remember that when I was at Yosemite, there was a pretty entertaining riddle that was shared amongst us. It goes like this: There is another world behind a green glass door. But not everything can go through the door. Here's some examples:

Daddies can go through, but fathers can't.
Kittens can go through, but cats can't.
Veggies can go through, but vegetables can't.
Scissors can go through, but shears can't.
Wheels can go through, but tires can't.

If you've already heard this riddle before, I suppose it'd be pretty easy for you to come up with some examples of what can go through and what can't. But see if you can figure it out if you haven't heard this riddle.

I'm pretty bad at riddles otherwise, though. I usually have to have someone tell me the answers. D: Either that, or the riddles really are that difficult. (But then again, if you know the answer to the riddle it must seem pretty obvious.)

Anyhow, though, I have a lot of things I want to do this summer vacation. Since we're going on vacation in July, it's not a good idea to go to summer classes because I might have to miss some of it to go on the trip (and so it wouldn't really be worth the money paid, eh?).
- Do some painting (I never get around to it during the school year :( )
- Practice on the tablet (Haha, I used it to color one drawing, but that is pretty much the extent of what I've done.)
- Drawing by hand (need to learn to do side views. And work on an eye style, as well as hair.)
- Make an OC - Original Character. Already have two but I want to change their looks a bit. And decide on the last name for one of them.
- Take photographs
- Do a 30-day challenge on EA Sports Active (Ugh. My dad bought another video game on a whim. But this one really makes you sweat...Not like Wii Fit.)

Unfortunately, my mom thinks I should get studying for next year, since there'll be SATs to take and whatnot. But maybe I can evade it, somehow or other. ;)

Labels: 30 day, butterfly effect, challenge, dead, drawing, EA Sports Active, grasshopper, green glass door, OC, painting, plans, riddle, summer, summer school, tablet, vacation, video games, yosemite

There's this song that goes something like "I left my heart in San Francisco" (which I guess I can understand, because I think San Francisco is a nice city, despite apparently having a history of being notorious place). And I thought it was suitable considering what I was thinking about earlier.

The common belief is that being homesick will make a vacation miserable for a person. But I don't think that's necessarily the case. It's true, during the first one or two days of Yosemite, I was trying hard not to burst into desperate sobs, because I was unaccustomed to the rush of Yosemite, the horrible-smelling bathtubs, the thin walls of the tent (meaning that you could hear any loud noise being made elsewhere), and the lack of sympathy from much of the other people (judging from their excited attitudes, since I try to avoid pouring out my heart and soul to people I do not know well).

As is the unusual case here, after a few days, I realized that I would be going home soon, and with this thought in my mind, I acquired a much more positive attitude toward the Yosemite trip. Isn't it funny how wanting to go home can become your motivation? I kind of figured that if I had fun the time would pass faster and I could go home and sleep in my nice old bed and get to take a warm shower (the showers were so cold, it was warmer when you weren't showering than when you were showering...). And in this way I was able to enjoy the trip after all, despite being very paranoid for much of the time. I was very fearful during the hiking when we had to clamber up rocks (how precarious! One false move and you would fall all the way to the valley floor) and also when exploring caves (you could slip and break your bones or bang your head on the ceiling! Or you would at least end up with really dirty pants and gloves). But at the same time feeling the adrenaline rush was a good thing since it made me feel adventurous. For much of my life I had been craving something exciting. This is very contradictory considering that I'm a person that likes normality and regular comforting rhythms in their life.

Just the other night, I closed my eyes. I began to imagine that I was back in Yosemite again. I could imagine the covers on my bed turning into the top of the sleeping bag, and the quiet of the room turning into the annoying dripping and banging of the heater... For some reason this gave me a kind of comfort while also making me feel very nostalgic. I wonder if perhaps the reason why I keep waking up really early, like 7:00 am, when I don't need to get up until 7:45, is that my mind thinks, "Oh no! I am so late for the breakfast at Yosemite!" but that's not the case at all.

My parents said that maybe some other time, like in 2011, we could go to Yosemite again. I'd like to go back to Yosemite, but I feel like if I went back there, I wouldn't want to leave. I'd like my days to pass in a national park, the way some people spend a lot of time in Yellowstone, watching the wolves with their binoculars. I'd like to be somewhere where I can see the stars as clear as day and where the trees make the air delightfully fresh. And as dear as home is to me, that place is not here.

Labels: adrenaline, adventure, breakfast, danger, excitement, homesick, late, memories, morning, national park, nostalgia, shower, sleeping bag, song, sounds, surprise, trip, yellowstone, yosemite

This past Sunday, I changed the time of my piano class, because my mother wanted me to come with her to attend a seminar being held locally. The seminar was about getting into one of those great Ivy League colleges, which is what most of the seminars I have heard of seem to be about. I was not impressed by similar seminars I had attended in the past (though my experience in this is certainly not vast; I have only been to a few "How to get into college!" seminars) and so I was very reluctant to go...I thought it would be a hassle to have to change the time of my piano lesson. I don't like to have my piano class later in the day because I think that my teacher in general feels more benevolent in the morning. (But my dad argued that she should be talkative in the evening because she would get lonely in the nighttime. Hmm, personally, I think by the end of the day she would be tired of teaching and would not be in the mood for side conversation.)

The lesson was changed to the evening, 7:45 pm. At the end of the class, I exited my teacher's apartment and noticed that there were some bugs trying to get close to the light next to her door. It seems that insects, particularly moths, are always eager to get as close as possible to any light source, even if they end up burning up in the process.

I feel that everyone is, in the end, attracted to light. Some of us may be nocturnal, but that dose not mean that we live without light, for even at nighttime, there is a little light, whether it be from the moon and stars or from something we have created here on this Earth. And as damaging as the light may be, particularly the sunlight, which can destroy our eyes and skin, we still need it. It's kind of a strange relationship.

I remember during my Yosemite trip in March that the nighttime had frightened me. The flashlights of the students kept blinding me and sometimes it was quite difficult to identify figures in the dark. I felt keenly aware of the dangers of tumbling into a ditch or tripping on a tree branch and spraining my ankle, for in the daylight it was quite easy to see this things, but in the darkness everything had an ominous aura to it that had not been present during the daylight hours. One time I woke up during the night because I drank too much water earlier and unfortunately needed to use the bathroom, and looking outside, I saw that there was not a soul to be seen, the lights appearing rather eerie as they shined upon the ground. It was peaceful, but in a way it was also scary, reminding me of a ghost town.

I wonder what it would be like to be nocturnal. Those beings who are surrounded by so much darkness see a very different world. Our world of daylight is bright, filled with color and vibrancy, in some ways comforting and in other ways overwhelming. But without the sun lighting your surroundings, colors fade, and your world seems to be in greyscale. You notice shapes and movement more than you do the fine details. It is harder to rely on your eyes when their capabilities seem to have been simplified. Every sound seems that much louder to your ears, even if you are not listening intently on purpose. You feel your way around to try and diminish the dangers.

Being unable to see the great spectrum of colors seen in light, I wonder if perhaps it is a harsh existence. Color makes things alive, beautiful...And you develop your preferences for colors, perhaps preferring the bold, passionate red, or the more soothing blues and greens, or perhaps you like the neon versions of colors. Or perhaps you like black, that one color said to complement every other. At the same time, without the light and color, you focus on other things, what you hear and touch and feel within yourself. With all these visual distractions during the daytime, I wonder if perhaps it is us being of the daytime that are missing out.

Labels: change, class, college, colors, danger, darkness, ghost town, light, night, piano, preference, seminar, senses, sight, sound, time, touch, trip, variety, yosemite

Due to an astronomy lab we've been doing in my science class, I go outside at night to look at the moon and record the phase and location. In the beginning, the skies were clear, and it was easy to see the moon. But then clouds moved in and I couldn't see it for a while. When the sky cleared up again, I still couldn't find the moon. It was a strange experience. The stars were still there, but the moon was nowhere to be seen. I thought perhaps it was blocked by a building or a tree, but no matter where I walked I couldn't see it.

In the morning, though, I saw the moon. It's just so strange, seeing it up there in that vast expanse of blue sky, instead of in the mist of a black blanket dotted with stars, the way it is at nighttime. I was rather annoyed at the moon, because I am only supposed to record when I see it at a certain time (the teacher wants us to try to view the moon at the same time each night that we go out). It showed up in the morning but refused to come out at nighttime.

In class today, one of my fellow students told the teacher that she had gone out at night and was also unable to see the moon. My teacher then got the attention of the class to explain this phenomenon.

My teacher said, "I have told the moon to go away for a while. Us science teachers are very powerful, so I have made it disappear. Look carefully every night and eventually I might let it come back out again." Another one of my classmates remarked, "I looked in the morning and I saw the moon." My teacher's reply was, "Ah! You cheated! Well, the moon is naughty and it tries to come out before it's supposed to."

So there you have it. A highly scientific explanation for why the moon is not visible sometimes, even without any clouds covering it. (If you want to know the real reason, you had better look it up since I only have a theory about it and it would be unwise to take that as fact.)

I was just looking at a picture of an exploding alarm clock on a magazine cover (Discover magazine March 2010 issue, if you want to know) and I was reminded of what of my "experiences" at Yosemite. It was difficult to get to sleep on the first night. Some kids had not gone to bed and were making a racket outside, or were giggling in their cabins. The heater in our cabin kept making some sort of rattling and banging noises. I kept sweating from the heater since I wasn't used to having it that warm. And then there were the two alarm clocks I had brought. They kept on ticking...My clock at home ticks too, but I never really noticed it. At Yosemite it seemed they were quite loud. One of my cabinmates said she wasn't used to it since she has a digital clock, which doesn't tick. After the first night, though, we become more accustomed to the loud nights and were able to get to sleep more easily. (And anyways, we were tired out from the strenuous daily hikes, or something.)

I have been rather concerned about my ability to remember to do my homework recently, especially the French homework. I forgot to do my French homework and remembered it during the night once, so I got up earlier in the morning to do it. And then today I was supposed to bring sunglasses because we were discussing summer/seaside activities in French class, but I forgot to bring those as well. (Then again, I'm not exactly sure where the sunglasses are, I will have to find them. I don't like to wear sunglasses. Although I like the cool way that they look, they always seem to slip down my face or otherwise get in my way. And I don't like how everything seems so dark or is tinted a weird color.) I wonder if my memory is getting bad or if I'm getting too careless. Both options are rather unpleasant.

Labels: astronomy, careless, clock, digital, distraction, forgetful, french, homework, magazine, magic, moon, powers, science, sky, sleep, sounds, teacher, ticking, trip, yosemite

When I was on my school trip to Yosemite National Park, I spent quite a bit of time with a classmate from 7th grade. We had been friendly then, but not particularly close - we don't eat lunch together or have any of the same classes, so the most we really did during this school year was wave when we saw each other. However, on the Yosemite trip, I was in the same hiking group as her, and since that made her in the same rotation as me, I stuck with her whenever I could. (After all, I couldn't really stay with my cabinmates what with them being in a different rotation.)

Well, one day, she asked me a question out of the blue, which she had thought up spontaneously, "Do you know what the difference between a main friend and a best friend is?" It was one of the oddest questions I'd ever been asked. I'd never heard the term "main friend" before.

The girl considered main friends to be people who you spend time with on a regular basis - your usual group of friends - while she thought of best friends to be people who you were with practically all the time. She said that she hadn't really ever had a best friend. She asked another girl the same question that she'd asked me and got pretty much the same interpretation.

I, however, had a different opinion. I agreed with what "main friends" are, but I thought "best friends" were not necessarily the people always by your side. I thought best friends were people who you could really trust, who you really felt in tune with. People who you feel you can always be yourself around and they'll still like you for it. (Which begs the question: If you put on a mask when you're around your friends, are they really your friends at all?) The girl who asked me the question says she thinks that the two people who were my cabinmates were my best friends. Are they? I hold them in high esteem and I am with them every day (well, besides the weekend). In her definition of a best friend, they are my best friends. I would like to call them my best friends in my definition too, but I'm still considering which of the friends I have had are really, really best friends.

Anyhow, something interesting went on at school the other day. There were assemblies during the day because the son of one of the teachers was visiting California for a performance. He is part of a group of musicians called the 5th House Ensemble. There are a total of 10 musicians, but we only saw 3 of them since 7 were not available to come to our school. The teacher's son plays the piano, while the two other people who came played the cello and flute. They talked about how music is connected to imagery, and they played us some pieces. Then they asked us to pick the picture that we thought best suited the music out of four options.

The options were:
- A picture of nighttime and two people dancing
- A picture of a dog wearing a little costume
- A picture of a cafe at nighttime (it was a painting by Vincent Van Gogh)
- A picture of...Well...It was rather abstract.

Unfortunately, many students thought it would be funny to pick the picture of the dog, even though it really had little relation to the music (the music was dark and brooding and intense, and perhaps the fourth option would have suited it best). But I suppose the kids should have their fun while they're young and have more chances to.

The last piece played by the 5th House Ensemble was a song that is supposed to make you feel like you're underwater. (Sadly, I don't remember the name of the composer, though I believe the part of the music we heard was called The Sea Nocturne or something along those lines) Performers of this set of music put on black masks, shine blue light on themselves (today's performers just showed an animated image of the ocean), and use their instruments in odd ways. The cello can produce a sound that is somewhat like the sound seagulls make. Glass can be placed inside of a piano and a chisel can be used to hit it, but we didn't get to see the fancy stuff with the piano because it only works with a grand piano and the school only has a stand-up kind. I'd like to try it at home, but the piano player said it wasn't a good idea, and you'd have to do it a special way anyhow to avoid damaging your piano.

Their profession is great. They can do what they love and make money off it. While I was at Yosemite, the chaperone and hiking group leader encouraged us to follow our dreams, and not take on a job that we feel like we have to, such as for money's sake. And they said that if you can get a job that you love and that pays you a lot, then that's great. (But of course there's a lot of cases in which you can't have both.)

Labels: 5th house ensemble, best friend, career, dog, dreams, friends, friendship, imagery, instrument, job, main friend, money, music, ocean, people, picture, question, school, van gogh, yosemite

That kind of rhymes, considering the way that Yosemite is pronounced.

I've been wondering for a while now why Yosemite is pronounced the way it is. It's pronounced like "Yo-seh-mi-tee". I think that's rather misleading. On the lost and found sign for the Yosemite trip, Yosemite was misspelled "Yosemity". So wouldn't it make more sense to pronounce the name "Yo-seh-mee-teh"? But I suppose what makes sense isn't necessary how things work out.

While I was at Yosemite, I led a very different lifestyle from what I live at home. I spent much more time outside moving around. I almost always wore multiple layers to keep myself warm (except for the times that I became hot from hiking and skiing). I had to get used to having a heavy backpack on my back (I know you're not supposed to pack a lot, but I brought anything I thought I might need, like extra socks, a rain poncho, and gaiters - I never even used the gaiters), since usually I use a roller backpack. I had to adjust to having little sleep and to constantly having dry skin. (But some of my skin problems weren't as bad at Yosemite. My mom says it was because I took short, cold showers, which is better for your health, not like the warm, long ones I take at home)

And all this exercise was a good thing. It helped me build more strength, and I was surprised at how long I lasted, even if I wasn't a fast hiker. It's weird, but I had a different sort of appetite at Yosemite than I have back home. At home I get hungry quite often and I end up eating too much (better keep me away from the almond crunch!), but at Yosemite I sometimes lose my appetite, while at other times I am just moderately hungry, and don't eat very much, but it's enough. And I had to eat celery, which I never ate back home (it's not too bad, I guess, I always thought it must be terrible since people eat it with PEANUT BUTTER and I'm allergic to that). All this exercise made me lose some weight and made me feel better about myself since I could eat more and know I would burn it off, so I wouldn't have to worry about rationing myself (which I've been doing unsuccessfully, I always end up with too much food in one way or another. Eating is something of comfort, after all).

When I got back home, I realized how little exercise I do in comparison. In Yosemite, we might stop once in a while, but other than that we spend a lot of time standing or walking or climbing up something. At home, I am indoors a lot, sitting down, doing some work that requires me to stare closely at something, rather than getting natural light, which is better for my retina or something like that (I can't say I know the specifics about eyes, so don't ask me). And I actually eat more at home, or at least it feels like that. I wish I could always live the kind of lifestyle I had in Yosemite, being active, and being in the outdoors. That's where we are all supposed to be, but us humans have built walls around ourselves, put roofs over our heads, surrounded ourselves with technology to make our lives easier. In some ways this is good and in others it is quite saddening.

I hope that I never forget the experiences I had at Yosemite. I think it may have been one of the only times I ever really got close to nature. One day, when we were hiking at nighttime, a chaperone told us all to turn off our flashlights, be quiet, and stand still. We looked up at the sky, and it was amazing. The sky was really dark, and it was speckled with beautiful white stars. I have never seen so many stars at one time in my life, because in the town where I live, you can't see so many of them (unless you go out late at night, which I don't; in Yosemite it was only maybe 9 pm when you could see all those stars). Humans have affected the world so much that it becomes harder to see stars, but at least now I know there are still havens, still precious places where you can see night the way it is supposed to be seen.

I'd like to get a telescope. With one, I could take a much closer look at the night skies. I have heard that there are times when you can see other planets, such as Venus, and I want to try that. And there's eclipses, too; I didn't pay all much attention to them in the past. But now I think I'd like to see one sometime.

There are so many marvelous spectacles I have yet to witness in the world. I wonder if I will ever get the chance to see them all. I once heard that there were two people who were hospitalized because of problems with their noses. One had his/her problem fixed, and left the hospital. The other had some sort of terminal illness, so he/she traveled and did things that the other person didn't do (and probably never would). Sometimes you have to realize how little time you really have left on the Earth to make full use of it.

Labels: appetite, backpack, change, eating, health, humans, indoor, life, lifestyle, nature, night, outdoor, pronunciation, shower, skin, sky, stars, time, weight, yosemite

I didn't know who Ansel Adams was until quite recently. While I was on a school trip to Yosemite National Park, all of the students would walk to the theater for our evening program every night (usually something informative, like about rock climbing or climate change, but one time we just hiked outside and played a game similar to hide-and-seek). We always passed by a place called the Ansel Adams Gallery, which sold gifts, and I think you can rent cameras there, too.

Once I returned from Yosemite, I visited the library and checked out some magazines. I usually look for science-related magazines at the library because every trimester we must present a scientific news article. I happened to see the magazine called Popular Photography, and I have checked out a few of the issues (not particularly new ones, but oh well). I was looking at an article about 30 photo-friendly cities in the USA when I saw San Francisco, in 2nd place. And it was mentioned that Ansel Adams broke his nose in an earthquake in San Francisco.

I've probably written about this before, but this still keeps on happening to me. I even saw the very same camera that I have - a Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS3A - in an edition of the Popular Photography Magazine. It was apparently a good camera for a not-too-expensive price or something. In fact, when I was at the Campanile in UC Berkeley, someone asked my dad to take a picture of him, and he had the same camera, in the same color. I suppose it's just a common camera. (Not like my old Nikon Coolpix, it was a pretty rare one. A silvery sort of color. I sure miss it, even now.) But it's still unsettling to see it in other places. It's kind of like how I'm bothered by seeing people with the same name as me.

Ever since I arrived home after my trip, I've been feeling a bit out of sorts. For one thing, my dad left for Shanghai, China, to visit his family. It's pretty quiet because it's only my mother and I around the house. That's kind of a good thing, and kind of a bad thing. I'm not really used to having less noise around the house. But it's kind of good since I get to talk my mother more than usual. (My cell phone ringtone is starting to annoy me, though. I figure I should change it, but I actually still haven't figured out how)

Speaking of my cell phone...I'm still frustrated at it. Sometimes I think I don't get any signal. One time I was walking home from school and needed to call my mom, so I whipped out my cell phone and dialed her number. I kept hearing it ring, and ring, and ring, and finally I was told that the call wouldn't go through or something. I kept trying this over and over while I walked. I finally managed to reach her when I was near a school (I think the schools should all have cell phone coverage). What good is the cell phone if you can't even use it? Also, my mom said she called me on my cell phone, but I don't think I ever heard it ring. She says I probably had my cell phone on mute or some other mode where you can't hear the ring, but I don't know...I think perhaps it really is hard for me to get a signal, which will be troublesome if I ever desperately need to get in touch with someone.

Recently, I visited Cold Stone Creamery, my favorite place to get ice cream. There's actually a place Cold Rock Creamery, but I've only seen it in Australia. (It's not bad either. They have some different flavors.) My mom had some coupons, and I always leap at the chance to save money on yummy food. Cold Stone now has warm sundaes (we had a buy-1-get-1-free coupon for it, but sadly it expired before we had the chance to use it...) and I think my mom might like those. She used to complain about how ice cream was too cold for her. It kind of ruins the point of ice cream if it's cold (and it isn't all that fun to drink "ice cream soup") but it still does sound like it would be tasty. And it'd be nice during the winter.

When I was younger, I had trouble eating hot food. I would refuse to eat anything that was too hot (in fact, I even went so far as to put ice cubes in my hot chocolate so it would cool down to a reasonable temperature). My parents would say, "It's not too hot," but when I tried it, I thought it was still too warm. I wonder if we have different senses of temperature and taste. They don't see any difference in taste between water bottle brands, but I actually have slight preferences in water bottle brands. Also, I hear people are more accepting of alcohol when they get older because their taste buds have died and they can't taste the bitterness as much anymore. If so, I guess it's good if I have a sensitive tongue since that means I'm still young. (It does conflict with my trying to act like an old person, though. But you can't have both. It reminds me of a conversation I heard...A girl was saying to her friend that she didn't want to take some pills because her mother told her not to, since there was a drowsiness side effect. "So don't take it," said her friend. "But I need it..." said the girl - it was carsick pills. Her friend said, "Then take it!" Basically, there's no middle ground - she can obey your mother or she can save herself from being carsick)

Labels: ansel adams, camera, carsick, cell phone, choice, cold rock creamery, cold stone creamery, ice cream, inconvenient, magazine, photography, popular, signal, taste, temperature, tongue, warm, yosemite

The title is inspired by a song by the Carpenters. Ever heard of that band? It's made up of two people, two siblings. The brother is still alive, but sadly, the sister died.

Rain doesn't normally upset me, and though I dislike Mondays, usually that won't depress me too much either. But last Monday wasn't an easy day, and it was a rainy day, so I thought it would make sense to use this title.

This past week, I've been gone on a school trip to Yosemite National Park, so I haven't been able to write anything. On Sunday morning, I boarded a bus headed to Yosemite. It's a pretty long drive there, probably four hours or more. I took a carsick pill called Dramamine to help me out with the carsickness.

I wonder if medicine really does work or not. Sometimes it's just people believe something will help them, and because of the positive feeling, their health seems to improve. I'm not sure whether medicine does any good or if it's only the "placebo effect". Perhaps the world may never know (like that thing about "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?).

Once I was at Yosemite, I had to adjust to a lot of things that I wasn't used to. For instance, dinner for me was at 5:05 pm, and breakfast at 7:05 am. I usually have breakfast not long from 8 am and I have dinner at around 7 pm. And I had to sleep with a sleeping bag, which I wasn't accustomed to, because I have never been camping. (Which is good - I don't think I could put up with going to the bathroom in the Great Outdoors for long XD) But the sleeping bag wasn't too bad, it was actually kind of cozy. It got too hot, though, when the heater was on in my cabin.

I kind of expected it to be like science camp. At science camp, you didn't need an alarm clock because someone would wake you up if you didn't get up on your own. There was a bathroom that was fairly clean and it was conveniently located, so you wouldn't have to get up in the night, wake someone up, and walk through the snow or melting puddles. You wouldn't hike so much that you'd be really tired and you'd always have your time managed well for you. And you didn't need to get a lot of gear, not even hiking boots were required.

Yosemite is sort of similar, but sort of not. The food is in buffet form (that's nice, since I can just a get a little to try something and see if I like it first). You're expected to meet up with people at a certain time (though there's almost always someone missing or late). You have to manage your own time to be able to complete a journal, take showers, and get enough sleep. And there is a lot of hiking and climbing and other physical activity.

Monday was a hard day for me. I am a special case since my cabin mates are in a different rotation than I am (meaning that they had different meal times and different evening programs). I was really stressed waiting for them in my cabin, and I kept thinking that something horrible must've happened to them (I didn't realize back then that their evening program was later than mine). I was also annoyed about the cold showers and stinky bathroom. And it was really noisy at nighttime, making it hard to sleep. I got really homesick, thinking of my parents and comfort and having a dependable routine. And this homesickness didn't really go away. During science camp I was having such a blast that I didn't think of my home much.

On Monday, there were many kinds of weather. We had rain, then hail, and then even snow. The snow is beautiful, that's for sure. But it was hard to appreciate when I was so worried and stressed. I wasn't able to relax until maybe about Wednesday or Thursday. By then I realized that I would be going home soon, and so I was in a much better mood. (Kind of funny how sometimes you have to be waiting for something to enjoy yourself.)

There were a lot of things I didn't like about the trip, but there were things that made it better, too. Things that made me dry my tears and smile and put my best foot forward. Being outdoors was great. I didn't really hike much or even go outside that much before. I thought I'd be tired easily from hiking. It's true that I was usually pretty worn out from lugging around a heavy backpack (too used to the roller backpack by now) but I wasn't lagging too horribly behind, either. And seeing the mountains and waterfalls and getting the occasionally opportunity to sit by myself and think was calming for me. I also got to try so many new things, like eating hummus (never tried it before, but it wasn't bad), eating celery (also wasn't as bad as I thought), eating sunbutter (yes, I'm eating lots of new things. Sunbutter is like peanut butter but made from sunflower seeds), and going cross-country skiing... I'm really starting to realize that I don't need to have limits, boundaries, things holding me back. I can do my best and achieve so much more. I just have to be openminded and live life to the fullest. After all, even if you have more than one life, you'll never remember the past ones, so of course you have to do everything that you can.

Oh, and going on the trip makes you appreciate home. Many of us longed for warm showers. I also heard some students saying they missed eating rice (they had rice at the buffet, but it was like fried rice and things like that. No sushi, dumplings, or miso soup, that's for sure). I believe that going to Yosemite was a good experience for me, even if I still feel there would've have been a lot of room for improvement. (I heard there was a bathroom with ants in it.) It's something you'll remember forever, after all.

Labels: backpack, effort, food, hiking, home, homesick, life, monday, new experience, placebo, problem, rain, rainy days and mondays, sleeping bag, song, the carpenters, tootsie, trip, weather, yosemite

Soon I'll be going on a school trip to Yosemite, where we will spend our days hiking and writing in our "journals". There's a lot of things that I needed to buy for this trip, because I'm not much of an outdoorsman. In fact, I've never really been camping out in a tent, seeing as my mom prefers civilization (and I guess I would really miss indoor plumbing, myself). But it'd still be nice to just try it, you know? For the sake of having that experience. It's not good to judge something you don't understand.

There's a whole lot of things that I needed to buy for Yosemite, including...
- A sleeping bag (I almost never sleep at other people's houses)
- Hiking boots
- Waterproof pants
- Waterproof jacket
- Snow gaiters (well, I guess I don't REALLY need them, but they're useful to have. They're like half pant legs that you can put on.)

There's probably a few more things that I have forgotten to mention. But anyways, I'll probably never use most of the things I bought for Yosemite after I come back. We don't really go hiking much in the first place (probably because I didn't like to do it...Too hot outside, I usually burned up my energy in the beginning through running, etc. Not that it isn't nice once in a while. In science camp back in fifth grade, we had the chance to hike alone, and it was really relaxing).

One of the things we needed to get was a bandana. Apparently, when we're out hiking, we'll stop to eat lunch, and we'll be using the bandanas as "plates" for our food. I set to thinking about bandanas.

Bandanas seem to have many uses. They can be used as hankerchiefs if you have allergies, you can wear them to look sort of like a cowboy (and you could also wear it if you're sick or people around you are sick as a kind of mask), you could put them on your head...I'm not sure if people usually do this, but somehow or other I got the notion that people who have gone through chemotherapy and thus lost their hair tend to wear bandanas to cover their heads.

To me, this gives the bandana a lot of meaning. The bandana is a sign of struggle, showing the battle between people and cancer and their fight to survive. It is a visible symbol of pain, fear, and desperation. At the same time, bandanas also show hope - a little hope that a person will pull through, fight off the cancer, and be able to resume living their life again. Maybe things will never be the same. Perhaps the scars, physical and mental, will always be there. But it's something precious, getting to have a second chance.

Bandanas are pretty cheap to get, but they're not necessarily useless. I hope you're paying attention things and what kind of purpose they really serve. I guess that's what teachers mean when they're saying, "You should ask under the surface questions!" You should still pay attention at school, even if you find it boring, because you never know, something important might be said.

My history teacher sometimes tells us stories, such as about having to transport a cake, being a valet, gambling in Las Vegas, and so on. He says we should pay attention since there is something to be learned from his stories; they're not just for entertainment. I think I might want to be a teacher sometime.

Here are some of my possible careers:
- Writer (well, that may have to be just something I do in my free time, what with the "starving artists" thing)
- Photographer (again, only if I can make a living off of it. Nowadays lots of people have huge Nikon or Canon black cameras)
- Interior designer or travel show host (too bad those jobs aren't that common)
- Ice cream shop owner (or some other kind of shop, with yummy food XD)
- Fashion designer (it'd be fun to come up with things, and I'd like to steer people away from those really low colors and tight clothing. x_x )

Labels: bandana, camping, cancer, career, chance, chemotherapy, future, hiking, hope, learn, outdoor, science camp, shopping, sign, significance, struggle, symbol, trip, useful, yosemite

Well, I wasn't really under house arrest. But I thought it kind of made sense considering the kind of dream I had last night.

In the dream, I was not in my home. It was in someone else's home, though my dad's friend and his son were also there. However, my father seemed to be missing. Perhaps we had been staying at the house. I was told that I had to go stay in the prison. There were two signs in the house, both of which had an apple symbol on them for some reason, and the signs led to two different jail cells, I guess. I wailed, "Do I really have to go?" My mom said that yes, I had to, it was for the best. The people at the house recommended one of the jail cells. I wasn't sure how to get into it since it seemed like just a vent. Then I pulled up and realized underneath the floor was a big room! It was filled with guitars and CDs. There was a bed (and maybe a computer, but I can't remember). I hopped down, deciding being imprisoned wouldn't be so bad after all. But then I wondered how I would get up to go to the bathroom at night...

I had another dream before that, where I was going to go to my mom's friend's house. I thought we were in Yosemite. My dad and I were walking in a place with those barbed wire fences and plants. There was a big gap in the fence where you could see a splendid view. A tree stood on top of a very tall and thin hill, and there was a lot of space around it. And surrounding the big chasm was rocky mountainous walls. I was going to take a photo, but my dad pulled me away before we had the chance. Then we went to my mom's friend's house. I don't know why, but my mom's friend introduced herself to me. I just kind of shrugged and went to explore the house. In one room, there were some kids, like a girl maybe around my age and a younger boy and someone else, and they were playing a game. (I'm guessing a card game but my memory is failing.) I joined in, but they were cheating and playing by ridiculous rules. I got angry and through down my cards and stalked off. The kids just laughed. I wanted to go back to the place with the great view. (Apparently in my dream Yosemite National Park is not somewhere you have to drive to get to but it is actually partially in the town that my mom's friend lived in) I walked down the street. It was nighttime now and some signs were starting to get lit up. I think I saw a Circus Circus sign. I think I must've been in a gambling town or something. (But it was nothing like Reno or Las Vegas or Monte Carlo.) I can't remember much else.

The earliest dream of the three that I had recently was a dream about my JubJub. I have this plushie of a kind of pet that looks like a head with little feet on it. I thought it was cute when I got it (from McDonalds with my Happy Meal in...2nd grade?). It looks like this.

My mother said to me, "We are selling JubJub." I was very upset and started to cry. My mother wouldn't budge. Apparently she really needed the money. I woke up feeling just awful, but then I figured out it was a dream and was greatly relieved.

Today I participated in a piano recital. It was at a local church, which is rented by various music teachers for their recitals. As a kind of promotion, or maybe a bonus, there was a recital with all the teachers renting the place in the first half of the year showing off their best students. I didn't want to go, but I figured it might make my piano teacher upset if I refused, so I went. I think I messed up very obviously one time. And I was scared to death before; my legs were shaking, my hands were cold, and my heartbeat was amazingly high. (Sadly, even exercise can't make my heartbeat that high. Only public performing can. Oddly enough, one time when I had my heartbeat taken at the doctor's office, it was really slow. I think it was about 44 or 46 beats per minute. That's scary. Only athletes are supposed to have such slow heartrates. In fact, children 6-15 should have a heartbeat of 70-100. My dad insulted me by saying I wasn't active enough) Still, I feel like I was able to put my emotions into my music, and that's good enough for me.

I stayed a while to listen to other students. I also listened to the students that came before me. (My teacher's students perform towards the middle of the recital) There were quite a few violinists there. I suppose this is the "cream of the crop" as they all played with vibrato. However, the high notes sounded kind of nasty. (But I guess it might always be like that for violin. That's one of the reasons I picked cello. And I think my old orchestra teacher once said that people who use that high-pitched E string on their violins should be shot.) But they were talented students, I can say that much. There was one cello player. My mom says he didn't have a good attitude since he wore casual clothing, and when he was walking up the aisle he didn't lift the cello high enough so the part on the bottom of the cello hit the ground. But the song he played was good. It felt very sad and I was getting really emotional at first. The song sounded pretty cool, like it should be in a touching movie or something.

I actually really liked the part where a young boy and a woman (was it a relative of his? Was it his teacher? I forget) played together on the piano. It was a simple song, I think Liszt was the composer...Unfortunately, I don't remember the song name, and it wasn't on the program paper (each performer tells the audience their name and what they're performing). But they played in unison and that simple song sounded beautiful. I was inspired to play it. (But I don't have anyone at my house who could play a duet with me...Unless I were to teach my parents to play the piano...)

Labels: casino, church, dream, duet, family, friends, games, heart rate, house, instrument, jubjub, neopets, photography, piano, plushie, prison, recital, room, song, yosemite

It wasn't really thin, actually. It was pretty thick. The ice I'm talking about here is the ice in a local ice rink.

I haven't gone ice skating for a long time. I think that the last time was probably at least a few years ago, if not more. I'd been meaning to go, but I never got around to it. (I wanted to go in the summer because it would be a nice way to cool off. However, my parents are working, and I am not allowed to go far by myself, so unless there was a holiday like Independence Day, there was no chance. And if it was a holiday, it would probably be crowded)

I was surprised by how many people were at the rink. My dad says that it was less than average, which I think is even more startling. Most of the people there were young people (I mean people who are young enough not to be in college yet, and such). In fact, I saw a couple of people I recognized, such as a girl who is a friend of the person I walk home with, and some classmates of mine.

It was really awkward getting started. I could only stumble along, clinging to the side of the rink. This didn't work too well because there isn't much of a handhold. I've heard there are rinks out there that actually have a wooden bar running around the perimeter so you can hold on to it, but here all you can do is try to hold on to the half-wall (on top of it is some glass since the rink is sometimes used for playing hockey). It was especially hard considering that the gloves and mittens we had brought for ice skating did not allow my fingers much flexibility.

After a while I kind of got the hang of it, just keeping my feet parallel, and occasionally kicking the ice with my left foot to keep me moving. Sometimes I messed up my footing and I'd flail about wildly before managing to get my balance. My dad and I are afraid of falling, unlike the little kids (who dash about and all, and some of them cry when they hit the ground) and the other young people, so we can't go so fast.

Since it's the holidays, once in a while the rink's lights are turned off and the strobe lights (is that the right term? Don't know what to call them) went on, and it was sort of like a disco, in a way. The young people gave a cry of delight, but I said, "Noooooo!" When it's dark and there are colorful lights moving around, I get a little distracted from my skating. Besides, I heard people who have seizures don't react well to things like that. (But I guess it's pretty unlikely that someone with epilepsy would've been there anyhow)

Less than two hours after arriving, we left the rink and went home. I expected to be able to skate longer than that, but it is surprisingly tiring, particularly for people like me who haven't gone skating for a long time. My dad said it was good we left early, otherwise our legs would be really tired at nighttime. This turned out to be true, and I felt discomfort during the night from my aching legs...

My mother has lately been trying to get me to shop for my Yosemite trip. Most of the 8th grade goes on a trip to Yosemite each year. It's meant to be educational, since we'll be in the great outdoors, but really people are just excited to be away from home, in a place that snows (Yosemite does get snow, after all, but it doesn't snow where I live). I'm really not that excited about the trip, because...
1. I've never slept in a sleeping bag.
2. I don't know if I can handle the hiking. (I'm always paranoid, thinking I will fall to my death. And I hate going uphill.)
3. Apparently we don't get to use the new cabins, which upsets me. (Are they not ready yet? Or do they just not want to let us stay in the new cabins?)
4. I don't want to get attacked by a teacher. (One of my old teachers often goes on the Yosemite trip and he sometimes destroys kids. No joke.)
5. Carsickness! It's a several hour drive just to get to Yosemite, and it's uphill. I will probably be pale and half-dead by the time we arrive. (It is unlikely that I will upchuck because I have self control and try to avoid throwing up. Haha!) I'll probably have to take medicine for motion sickness, if that helps any.

However, it might be fun, because I'll have plenty of photo opportunities, and I did enjoy science camp. Science camp was what I went to in fifth grade, since everyone in the fifth grade went. We stayed in cabins (but we slept in beds) and we hiked around. It was a lot of fun, actually. The food wasn't too bad either. I guess you never know. I'll have to find out in March.

Labels: cabins, carsick, falling, hiking, holidays, ice skating, lights, people, rink, science camp, seizure, sleeping bag, sore, trip, trouble, yosemite

So, I was checking my grades this afternoon, because I was afraid that I wouldn't have a 4.0 GPA this trimester. (Not that it really matters, since GPA is kind of like STAR testing scores and only for parents' bragging rights, but I still like to have good scores if possible.) Anyhow, it turns out I did have all A's, and even a 100% in language arts. People said that I probably had a 100% in language arts, though I never expected such a thing to be true. Well, that's a great relief to me, at least. A lot of people like to put pressure on me. x_x

Right now I'm watching the anime Gakuen Alice. It seems rather childish, but still entertaining nonetheless. One of the characters started talking about Special Ability, which is shorted to SA...And that reminded me of an anime called Special A I heard about it, which is also a school-centered anime...Hmm. Wonder if there's any hidden connection or not.

Like how we were reading a short story called The Lady or the Tiger? in language arts class. It's about a king who is kind of barbaric and kind of civilized, and he has an arena kind of like the Gladiator arena. Anyhow, he uses it a little differently...People who are accused of crimes interesting enough to interest the king are put in the arena. There are two doors that look exactly the same. One has a tiger behind it, the other has a lady of about the same social rank and age of the criminal, and the lady is supposedly very pretty. If you open the lion door, you'll be eaten, but if you open the lady's door, you have to marry her (no matter what).

There was a special case. The king's daughter had a boyfriend who was good-looking and stuff, but he was a lower social class, so the king did not approve of the match. He had the man put into the arena. The king's daughter had bribed someone so she would know which door held the tiger, and which door had the lady. Her boyfriend was counting on her to let him know the door to open. The girl can't decide whether she'd have him die a quick and bloody death, or have him married to the lady behind the door. (This is hard because the king's daughter is jealous of the lady behind the door. She suspected her boyfriend of exchanging sly looks with that lady in the past.) In the end of the story, the ending is not told, so it's up to the reader to think whether it's the lady or the tiger...Thus the name of the story.

Mr. Blair has the beginnings of a beard right now. Apparently it's his tradition not to shave during the Yosemite trip so he looks "grizzled" when he comes back. I thought it was scary since I'm freaked out by facial hair in general. D: And of course, since he came back from Yosemite, he had to tell some funny but inappropriate stories.

Labels: anime, facial hair, gakuen alice, grades, mystery, story, the lady or the tiger, yosemite

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