You'd probably associate perfume with the scent of flowers, fruit, or even perhaps vanilla. I've certainly never heard of a perfume made from a dead pig fetus.

But that's just what I'm talking about. The smell of a preserved pig is not one that I find pleasant. The first time we had a dissection day at school, I couldn't go close to the pigs for fear of nausea. Still, this past week, I have found the smell of it simply heavenly.

What's responsible for this change of heart? Well, I've been sick with a cold for the entire week (I suspect that I've caught a second one, otherwise I would've recovered by now...But then again, since I don't get much sleep, it probably takes me longer to get better). So it was really thrilling for me to actually be able to smell something. Even with my snuffy nose, the scent of pig came through clearly.

I've certainly gotten more than my fill of animals lately, and most of it's come from French class. We've been studying words about the city and the countryside, and of course, if we're talking about farms, we've got to mention the farm animals. We actually went over the French way to make animal sounds. Pigs go "groin groin", ducks go "coin coin", roosters go "cocorico", and so on. (Ah, if only our tests were on that instead of the usual stuff.)

We learned some expressions, too, and apparently there's a bit of a cow addiction in France. There's a phrase that you use to describe someone who doesn't speak French well, and that's "Il parle français comme une vache espagnole" (which means "he speaks French like a Spanish cow"). There's also the slang word "vachmement", which is used to mean very or really. (If it were literally translated, it'd be "cowly" or "like a cow") Our teacher told us not to get confused; people in France aren't necessarily talking about cows all the time, it's just that the slang's got the word cow in it. Kind of like the English expression "Holy cow".

And not long ago, I was at a pet supply store with my friend because we were volunteering. There are dogs in there up for adoption, and occasionally a dog would get the urge to "mark his territory". Then we had to scramble to get paper towels and a bottle of spray to clean it up. (At least they saved getting rid of solid waste for the outdoors. When I was out walking one of the dogs, I had my first experience with picking up dog poop. Thank goodness you can use a bag to pick it up and not your bare hands...)

All this animal business made me think of something from when I was in Australia. There were koalas at the zoos, and you could pay to hold one and get your picture taken with it. But you have to wear a jacket because the koala could pee on you. o_o;;

Labels: animals, australia, cow, dissect, dissection, expressions, fetus, french, koala, language, noise, pig, sick, smells, sound, sound effect, urine, waste

This is a post that really deviates from the original topic, just so you know.

I suppose if you watched Ed, Edd n Eddy a lot as a child, you might've thought at first that I was talking about the good ol' Plank in that show. I don't know why I still remember that. Ed, Edd n Eddy was never one of my favorite cartoons. Guess it's always those odd little things that stick with you after all these years. Sometimes I'll just be sitting there, and it'll hit me all of a sudden...I remember things that I'd forgotten for many years. It hadn't seemed like much to me before, having enough time to read books and play Pokemon games and draw on my hands with washable markers. Back then I'd taken it all for granted. I always hated being told how lucky I am and how I should be grateful. I never understood it back then. But now I think I'm starting to.

This year's French class seems to have a focus on boards. We were able to use a SmartBoard one day. It's pretty cool that you can move stuff around with your hands and "write" on the screen (I suppose it's kind of like a giant tablet). But after that we haven't gotten to use it again. I wonder if there are other classes using the SmartBoard. Or maybe it's stored away somewhere, collecting dust. I often get the feeling that the decision-makers in my area don't make such wise decisions. The library has got some new check-out machines, which save time because you can check out multiple items. All you have to do is stack your items on the machine and it'll check 'em out for you. It is very cool, but did we really need to toss away all those older machines? They worked just fine (well, most of the time).

Well, anyways, back to the subject of boards - quite recently, my teacher passed out white boards for us to use. It sure is nostalgic having them again. I think the last time I got to use them was in 6th grade, and even then it was only rarely. In elementary school, I thought it was really fun to write or draw on a whiteboard, and I wanted to get one myself. When I finally did get a whiteboard for at-home use, I ended up hardly using it. I don't really spend much money anymore because this syndrome is so common for me. I seem to lose interest in things once I have them. But when I've lost what I used to have, then it hits me that I should've appreciated it.

The past seems so beautiful now, even with all its pitfalls...And the future often looks so bleak. I've been wondering for a while now what I'm really doing. It's required by law to go to school, so I can't really worm out of it (my parents can't homeschool me; they have to work, and they're not really good enough at English. And they don't really know any history or cell biology), and I have no idea if private school would be more fulfilling (not to mention the hefty price!).

I love to learn. But going to school is so exhausting. Each day I have to squeeze all the juice out of my brain, have to pay attention when people are talking to me, have to smile even when I don't feel like it... (And even then, one of my friends told me that I should smile more, which was very surprising to me. Several years ago, I was told by someone else that I looked like I was always happy, even when I was angry. I guess things have really changed since my childhood.)

There are lots of things I want to do, and yet here I am, glued to the spot for the next four years. Some days I'm feeling cheerful, I have energy and optimism flowing through my veins. But other days I'm in despair, because it seems like such a waste. Four years when I'm still young...I could be pursuing all those dreams of mine. It's such a waste. Such a terrible waste.

It's especially painful because a lot of things are my own fault. I didn't hang on to my old friends. Maybe it's inevitable that people will grow apart. But there are times when I could've made more of an effort, been more considerate. Sometimes I've been cruel or unsociable on purpose, just to keep people away from me. I've been very selfish, and I still am. I discover sides of people that I really don't like, to the point that I want to detach myself. Or I'm too cowardly to get close to someone because I expect that I am only going to lose that person. It has happened many, many times, and it will surely happen again. But the choice is mine: Will I take the risk? Or will I throw away the chance to befriend someone who might turn out to be a soul mate?

Labels: cartoon, choice, class, ed edd n eddy, french, friends, future, money, myself, past, people, school, smartboard, tired, waste

There's lots of things on this planet that are unique to it. The most obvious one is, of course, life, for as far as we know, Earth is the only place with living things. But having all this life also has its downside.

Like all the waste.

I'm sure you've seen some of it. Dog poop left next to sidewalks because dog owners don't bother to pick it up. And most certainly your own waste in the toilet. (I know it's disgusting to talk about that, so I won't dwell on it.)

And not just the sort of waste that animals naturally have to get rid of. Us humans have really changed. We used to live as hunter-gatherers. Then we figured out that we could use plants to our advantage by planting them on purpose and raising them until we could harvest them. Eventually we didn't have to think about survival all the time, so we were able to explore other things that interested us. We drew and painted, we sang songs and made instruments, we came up with religions and we tried to treat diseases and we came up with all sorts of inventions to speed things up. We wanted more time to ourselves. We came up with the printing press so people wouldn't have to painstakingly copy text. We hitched carriages to horses, and then we came up with cars, trains, and planes. We turned from writing letters to calling each other on the phone to emailing, and nowadays many people send text messages.

Faster, faster, faster. It's all getting too fast now, I think. I feel like there's never enough time. Everything is rushing on by. I used to be such a big fan of Pokemon. I used to await every new game eagerly, counting down the months and weeks and days. Now I don't even know about the most recent starter Pokemon. I got caught up in other things and didn't have the time to keep up with Pokemon anymore. I guess I gave up. Sometimes if I have the free time I'll pick up an older Pokemon game like Pokemon LeafGreen (which is for the Gameboy Advance. Do you remember when that was the main handheld for Nintendo, back before the DS came out?). But other than that, my old devotion for Pokemon seems to have died. It's only ever stirred up again when I see something on the Internet that makes me remember those good old days.

And since we always keep replacing our older things with newer stuff, the old things get forgotten. We leave them to collect dust in our houses (I am very guilty of that) or we throw them out. All of it really does pile up. We've got so much of it in some places that you'll see nothing but trash. The Earth is big. But don't forget that there are many, many people, too. And all those things we threw away and gave up on have to go somewhere. They stay right here on this planet. They don't magically wink out of existence, and it's not like we send all our trash into Outer Space where we can forget about it.

You don't have to become a vegetarian or never buy anything ever again. Just be a little mindful about what you do. If you see some trash on the ground or if you have some of your own, throw it away so it won't somehow get into a river and get eaten by a whale who will later end up washed up on the beach with a bunch of plastic bags inside it. If you see something and suddenly feel an urge to buy it, think for a moment whether it's something you'll treasure forever or if it's something you'll buy and never touch again. (I used to be pretty spendthrift, but nowadays I hardly buy anything. But that's mostly because I want to save money now so I can retire earlier) If you're taking a shower, even if it's cold and you don't want to get out, be a little braver and step out. (This is definitely something I need to work on.) And if drink bottled water, switch to a reusable one. I'm doing that myself in the near future.

If you have some time to spare on a weekend, don't just sit in front of your computer screen and go on the Internet, which is what I'm doing at the moment. When next September rolls around, you might want to consider taking part in cleaning up a creek or beach or some other waterway (I did that just the other day, for a school project, and thought it wasn't bad. At least it's fun to get to hold one of those trash grabber things). You'll get some fresh air and find some rather interesting garbage lying around. Just do a little something...To save the world, or to feel good about yourself, or because seeing waste is such an eyesore, or, as I would say, because you're alive and you ought to do more than just take up space. I've been doing that for all these years. But at least I can still salvage the future.

Labels: change, coastal cleanup day, earth, future, help, humans, invention, memories, planet, pokemon, speed, stuff, time, trash, waste, water bottle

I would have titled this post "London Bridge is Falling Down", but that bridge is still fine, as far as I know. (I prefer the Tower Bridge in London to the London Bridge anyways. I personally consider the Tower Bridge to be prettier.)

The bridge I'm referring to is the Internet. What other thing connects people from all over the world better than this does, in our modern age? But lately I've been having trouble with it, because certain sites that I frequent have been misbehaving.

The first of the sites to go down was Tumblr. One day I decided I wanted to do some posting and reblogging, but Tumblr apparently had other ideas. I kept getting errors, and sometimes pages wouldn't even load. Eventually I became frustrated with it and gave up. There was also a time when it was down for maintenance, which was also quite annoying. I know it really can't be helped, but all the same, I want to blog while I still can. (Summer vacation is nearly over, and who knows how much free time I'll have when the school year gets under way.)

DeviantArt was next to go down with errors. And I made some mistakes of my own on the site. There's a badge that you can give people called a Llama badge. It started out at the beginning of April. There are now a lot of people who give and receive llamas, myself included. The problem is, I have a tendency to act before I think, so sometimes I give a llama before reading a person's journal. I've already messed up by giving llamas to two people who didn't want to receive llamas. I wonder why I didn't learn from my mistakes the first time. I would think that after messing up many times I would learn to be careful, but it never seems to happen.

Well, anyhow, the third site that had problems was Beauty in Everything, a website with many beautiful photos (the photos come from Flickr users). I was trying to access it so I could perhaps look for some nice pictures. However, the site would not load, even when I came back to try again later on. It seems to be back up today, though, and I'm glad. I guess I've gotten attached to things all over again, even though I've been trying not to. But maybe it's something a person can't help doing.

Imagine, though, if the Internet really broke down, if all the sites crashed and no one could get on the web anymore. I figure it would really cause panic all over the place. People have become so reliant on the Internet, and it's become a part of life...I wonder if people would ever be able to adjust to not having Internet, like in the days before it was invented. (Then again, there are also many people who don't use the Internet, which can be bad in some ways, although at the same time I figure if I had never gotten onto the Internet, I wouldn't have wasted so much of my youth.)

Labels: adjust, attached, badge, beauty in everything, bridge, deviantart, error, internet, learning, llama, meltdown, mistakes, photography, problem, tumblr, waste, website, what if

Have you ever heard of that TV show called Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? I think I've watched it once or twice, not very much, but enough to get the gist of it. It's a game show, where a person tries to answer questions to win money. Sometimes the contestant asks for help from one of the fifth graders present. I used to be shocked by how little the contestants seemed to know. Like how they didn't know the epidermis was the outermost layer of skin.

But then again, I, having been quite a bit younger than those adults at the time, had learned the facts more recently, and since they were still fresh on my mind, I could recall them easily. Adults cannot remember all that much of what they learned when they were younger, except maybe the subject they teach if they are a teacher. My parents weren't even taught that much biology (there was more focus on physics and chemistry). And it's hard for me to talk to them about science because they learned the terms for things in Chinese, whereas I only know the English words. Well, anyways, there's no guarantee that they remember any history they learned. They still know how to do math, but they use it in their jobs (and in daily life - there is always that stress on "Math is important!") and I make them help me with hard homework problems, which are probably the main reasons for that.

I wonder if all these years of going to school are really worthwhile, then. If we don't remember much of it later on, what use is it to us? Knowledge is power, but if we lose that knowledge, has it not gone to waste? Or is it worth it to go school for other things, like the memories and friends we make? And yet at the same time it can be painful, when friends drift apart or fight and never make up, when friends move away, when you have difficulties in academics or in PE that you can't seem to overcome. When you have a teacher who seems to have a personal grudge against you. (Some of these have not happened to me. But I have drifted apart from friends. And many of my friends have moved away. I am lucky in being able to maintain contact with some of them. But I fear I might never see others ever again, except by some chance encounter. And what if I didn't recognize them? Because we had changed so much in our time apart?)

We still go to school anyways. (It is required by law, so I suppose it isn't much of a choice, but nevertheless...) We still take the good together with the bad. A few people do lose faith, lose hope, want to give up, try to end their lives so they can find an end to it all, have a chance at a fresh start. But as I heard in a school performance about puberty, "Suicide is a permanent solution to what may be only a temporary problem." And I suppose we all still have to keep struggling, keep living, reach out for the things we want, despite all those things that stand in the way, make you experience all the emotions you wished you would never feel again. I think it's something amazing, how there are still little things - and big things - that make it all worth it, that we can all bear our burdens for the sake of something precious.

I am getting awfully sidetracked. But then, that's not necessarily a bad thing. My history teacher was rambling about something that wasn't necessarily related to history, and then a student raised his hand to ask a question. The teacher said with a humph, "Great. You shouldn't interrupt me when I go off on a tangent. Now I feel like teaching again." At this point, we all groaned, since we preferred hearing interesting stories to getting an education. (I mean, hearing stories is a kind of education too, an education in life instead of just in academics.)

We didn't have much to do in science class at the end of the day, so a student said, "Hey, do you want to play Stump the Science Teacher"? The teacher asked how it was played. The student said that it was his goal to ask a question about any kind of science that the teacher would be unable to answer. He asked, "What is cement made up of?" The teacher said, "Well...What kind of cement are you talking about? Different grades of cement are used depending on the purpose. Do you mean our modern cement, or the kind that was made a long time ago in England?" and so on. I think it was more like the teacher stumped the student than the other way around.

Labels: are you smarter than a 5th grader, cement, change, daily, distraction, education, friends, game, life, loss, math, memory, pain, school, science, show, story, teacher, television, waste

For several years now, I've felt like I have obligations to things that I have started (and later regretted doing so). Mostly it has been websites. I would join a website, perhaps out of curiosity or because of a friend's recommendation, and for a while I might be enjoying myself on the site, but after some time I would grow bored. In some cases the site was not important to me, so it was easy for me to quit going on it. But in other cases, I had spent a long time building up things on my account that I had become proud of, and I didn't want to leave because I was afraid all that hard work would go to waste. And I ended up weaving a kind of spiderweb around myself, trapping me in an endless routine of visiting websites, making it feel like a chore and not something done for fun.

It happened to me with video games as well. I used to brush my dogs in the game Nintendogs every day. I kept them in good condition - they were always in the hygiene state of Beautiful, they were always fed and given water, I took them on walks every few days (to go to the discounted shop to buy dog food, water, and collars), and I trained them until they could easily win the Agility contests (which allowed me to make lots of money). In fact, I earned enough money to be able to remodel my house all the way to the most expensive kind, which gives you a view from Outer Space.

I really didn't want to abandon my dogs because I feared they would run away (they run away if you neglect them too long, and I prided myself on never having a dog run away) and because I thought all the work I had done, every day, for years, would become meaningless. It was only when I had to prioritize my activities (and Nintendogs was one of the ones I decided to sacrifice) that I stopped playing the game. (And anyways, my DS screen was ruined from all the brushing.)

Indeed, I am still playing Animal Crossing: Wild World to this day because of my annoying sense of obligation. I turn on the game once a day in order to water my plants. I have cultivated a vast garden of flowers. I also used to spend much time in making money, which really did pay off, because I was able to expand my house to its utmost capacity. (It has three floors - there is one big room and three smaller rooms on the first floor, one small room on the second floor, and the third is a basement type of thing where my "people" sleep) Always, always, always, I feel like I can't possibly part with these things, however material and shallow they may be, because of all the time and energy I devoted to them.

But I know, with a sinking feeling, that these things must eventually be put aside... The older you get, the less time you seem to have (or at least, you have to spend your time on other matters). And I fear eventually I will not have the time to even water those flowers, that they will all turn brown, and wither up and die, and weeds will take over my town. I am sure this has already happened for other gamers, who have grown bored or simply cannot find the opportunity to play anymore. And I am unwilling to buy Animal Crossing: City Folk, the newest of the Animal Crossing games, because I don't want to become interested and motivated, and then have to give it up - it would sit, collecting dust, like many of my Gamecube and some of my Wii games. I feel terrible now for having wanted video games, when I really don't use them much and they do cost a big chunk of cash. That money could have gone to worthy causes, or even to my retirement, which I moan and sigh over so much.

Eventually, I know I must disentangle myself from the trap I have laid around me. I need to learn the lesson of being able to give up certain things, without worrying so much over them the way I am wont to do. I wonder if it's just a part of my nature and I won't ever be able to overcome it. I really hope that is not the case. It unsettles me to think that things are impossible and that the sky really is the limit.

Labels: accomplishments, age, animal crossing, fun, future, hard work, human nature, letting go, money, nintendo ds, nintendogs, obligation, problem, sacrifice, time, trapped, video games, waste, website

This Halloween we still had a lot of leftover candy from last year - both from my trick-or-treating and also from just candy we bought but never ate. I thought we should've given it to the trick-or-treaters, but my mom said it wasn't healthy to give people stale candy, so she dumped the candy! D: What a waste. I mean, my mom even left the lights off in the house so no one would ring the doorbell.

It was fun going trick-or-treating, though. I went over to my friend's place around 6:10 or 6:15. Her other friend was there since she'd slept over at her house (I didn't attend the sleepover because I really, really can't fall asleep at other people's houses). We tried to get pictures of the three of us, but we would blink, or someone would get cut off, even if we had her sister take the photo. Anyways, I saw my friend's dog there. Her dog's name is Lucky, and he's really cute! I think he's a mixture of a German Shepherd and some other species of dog which I'm not sure of.

Later my friend's sister's friend, plus her brother and older cousin, came over. We trick-or-treated with them for most of the time, but then they had to go home. The cousin was just there to watch them, I believe. It's great going trick-or-treating in a group. The young people sure are energetic, though. My friend's sister and her friend often ran ahead, and I had to try and keep up since I didn't want to get separated from them. It must be nice to be young... *looks off into the distance*

I didn't get that much candy this year because I didn't go to as many houses, as we kept skipping houses here and there. We couldn't go in some directions because my friend's sister's friend and her brother only knew how to find their way home from certain locations. Something to do with their father's jogging course or something. o_O;; But anyways, the three of them (since their cousin is included) left a bit earlier than us since their parents said they had to be home at a certain time or something.

There weren't that many people out there, actually. It was disappointing. We did see a few people. One of them had a costume that looked sort of familiar to me. The others I was trick-or-treating with didn't know what it was, even when he pulled out an orange mask...Then I realized it was a character from Naruto. (Didn't know the name because I've only watched the show once D: ) Anyhow, the reason why there were less people was apparently because of the swine flu scare, people think they'll get sick from meeting someone who has the swine flu. Ugh! Just get a vaccination and don't worry! (Even if no one knows for sure whether the vaccine works, I'm sure it must, because they test it beforehand, and it's not like swine flu is AIDS or cancer or something)

Looks like the holiday is over for this year. But Thanksgiving and Christmas are yet to come, and then the New Year after that. (Oh, did you know, Halloween used to mark the New Year for the people who built Stonehenge in England? They considered the new year to be the end of the harvest or something) I don't really do much for holidays, but if you do, then it's good for you to be able to look forward to something. (: Brightens up your life, and all that. It'd be boring if the only difference in the days was the seasons.

Labels: candy, costume, dog, energy, group, halloween, holidays, leftovers, lucky, naruto, new year, photography, stale, swine flu, trick-or-treating, waste

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