The book I just read and the book I'm reading now are both similar and different at the same time. I'll start off with the differences.

THE QUEEN'S SOPRANO by Carol Dines
- A girl named Angelica Voglia living in Rome. She has a wonderful singing voice.
- She wants to be able to sing freely, but the pope has forbidden women to sing in public. She has fallen in love with a French artist named Theodon. But her mother dreams of riches and a luxurious life, so she tries to marry her daughter off to a noble.
- In order to escape her fate, she pretends to be going along with her mother's plan but then moves to the palace of Queen Christina, who rules one of the two quarters not dominated by the Pope. She becomes a singer for the Queen.
- The man who was going to marry Angelica was very upset, thinking that Angelica's mother had lied to him. He punished the Voglia family by slicing the cheeks of Angelica's father and cutting off the ear of Angelica's brother. After the incident Angelica's mother wanted nothing to do with Angelica. Eventually she descended into madness.

SISTERS IN SANITY by Gayle Forman
- Brit Hemphill, who lives with her father, stepmother, and baby brother, is sent to a center that is supposed to provide therapy to girls with problems (drug abuse, depression, even being overweight). At the place there is terrible food, cameras to spy on you, and you can't complain to your parents about the camp (in fact, you have to reach a certain "level" before you're even allowed to write letters to anyone).
- Brit starts to suspect that the reason why she was sent away (she doesn't really have any major problems; despite being a musician, she is not into drugs) is that she is similar to her mother and her father fears the same thing that happened to her mother will happen to her. They used to live together as one happy family, but then her mother developed mental problems. She refused treatment. Eventually she ran off and they haven't seen her since.

It's kind of spooky that I unintentionally selected two books on the same day at the library that both have mothers who go insane. Is it some weird talent or is it just a coincidence?

Labels: abuse, books, carol dines, coincidence, family, fate, gayle forman, history, insane, italy, mental, rome, singing, sisters in sanity, the queen's soprano, therapy

I don't know, but I'm going to die of mental problems or physical problems. (Seeing as I am now sick due to stress and lack of sleep. It's really grating on my nerves and I've stopped paying attention in school. Also, it makes me have a short temper. And I got kind of rebellious. Today is supposed to be Bring Your Bed to School Day, so you can wear pajamas and bring a stuffed animal. My friend wants me to do it but I was really in a bad mood this morning so I changed my mind...I won't.)

I'm only sleeping a little each night. I fall asleep somewhere between 11 and midnight, then I wake up several times, and this time I couldn't get to sleep when it was 7 am? So I only got about seven hours of sleep total due to my waking up all the time. It's not that much less than what I should sleep, but this has been happening for days, maybe even a week, so I am extremely tired.

Not only that, but my mom is turning into a nag. (Well, she's been back for a week now, but still.) "Sydney, stop moving and go to sleep, idiot." "Stop bothering me. I need to work." "Shut up, Dad is concentrating on driving right now." "Eat your breakfast in the car! We'll be late!" "Wait until you're an adult." "I can't tell you. You don't understand." "NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT AROUND HIM." "Don't say that!" I can hear it echoing in my mind. I think I'm really going on insane.

And also, there's problems at home. A deal's already been made without me even getting to put my say in. And that could mean a dramatic change here. Now my future is unknown. Just for the sake of people I don't care about but my dad does. Nothing I can do, though. Nothing I could ever do.

I won't be surprised if you decide to quit reading this blog. Probably I'll be typing the usual stuff in the afternoon/evening. But I am tired of hiding what I really feel.

Labels: blah, blog, mental

Earlier, on the weekend, I was kind of upset at seeing the state of my lawn. Apparently since my dad's friend was housesitting but didn't flush the 'shrooms out, a lot has happened to the grass during our absence. Mushrooms are over the place. Some are fat white ones, most of which my dad had removed. Others are newer. For instance, the little blackish-brownish ones. They're cute, but they're taking the nutrients that the grass needs. D: We're not trying to grow a mushroom garden. I bet Mr. Brown (crazed science teacher) would be better at dealing with it.

Which reminds me, Mr. Brown really is crazy. Like today in the class. We were supposed to be studying cell reproduction under a microscope. But then since people saw his desktop background, which is some dead scorpions on a rock, he ended up telling his scorpion story. He showed us pictures, and told us about a trip to...South America, I think it was. (Mr. Brown says teachers get more free time during the summer than other working folks so he can go on longer vacations.) First he said something about capital cities often being lame and ugly, then he showed us photos of volcanos, lakes, and the bungalows which you can rent out. Apparently they have solar-powered hot water, "outdoor bathrooms", and environmentally friendly houses. So that's cool. (The outdoor bathrooms, by the way, is really you can take a shower outside by pulling something and a veil will fall around you so you can shower outdoors. I thought that was weird.) And he also said he was reading in the evening when he saw a spider.

Mr. Brown is by no means scared of spiders, but it had fangs on it, and it was pretty big. Fangs are dangerous since they might have venom or something. So he went and smacked it with something to kill it.

Then he was about to go back to reading when he saw a scorpion. He took a picture first (which was a bit blurry/shaky because it was a close-up, and when the camera zooms in you go "Whoa!" sometimes), then killed it. He saw more scorpions, which he killed and tossed outside. Finally he killed what was supposedly all of them (his fiancée didn't like the scorpions). The next morning he gathered up some of the dead ones and took a photo of that. So that's what inspired his desktop background.

- - - - - - - - _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

...That aside, I had a weird dream last night. Most of it I don't remember any longer. I do know my dad was there (a surprise, since my family usually isn't in my dreams). We were on this ship of sorts. There were several "waiting rooms" on each side of it. You were supposed to sit there while the ship sailed to wherever we were going. I think we were somewhere in California. Anyhow, the waiting room we were in was really crowded. Not much places to sit left. So I wanted to go to the one on the other side that had extra space. But the ship was shaking and it was too dangerous.

My dad went away for some reason or other. I got bored and went out of the waiting room since it was shaking less now. I went and explored the place. I know I went to the ship bathroom for some reason. (I don't remember much about that.) Then I went outside, carrying some of my stuffed animals. o_O I sat down at a place in front of these...platforms protruding from the ship. Apparently you could go onto this platforms. Maybe for a better view or if you wanted to dive off the boat.

I was sitting and relaxing in front of the platforms (there were benches along the sides of the boat) with some other passengers when the weather all of a sudden got stormy. (Despite this, the traffic lights on top of the platforms still showed a green light, which meant you were allowed to get onto the platforms) A huge whirlpool came out of nowhere and started forming, pretty close to the boat. Maybe it was a hurricane or typhoon or something. I got freaked out and made sure my stuffed animals didn't fall off the boat. The whirlpool seemed to stand up in a way, and roll to the left slowly like a wheel. Then the whirlpool broke apart and turned into regular water. The storm clouds disappeared and the California sunshine was back.

I woke up soon after and don't remember the rest of my dream except my dad, steaming mad, found me, and scolded me for wandering off. That was really the strangest dream so far. I don't understand what it means, but it could be discouraging me to go on a cruise ship in Europe...Despite how confusing dreams are, they actually have great meaning.

Labels: boat, critters, dream, family, fungus, leisure, mental, mushrooms, ocean, story, teacher, vermin, weather

Ugh, how mean. After my parents practically dismissed me from eavesdropping on their "serious conversation", I went to the garage to mope. (We keep our washing machine and dryer in there instead of in a laundry move) I heard the sound of the washing machine, so I opened it and took a look inside. However, it just went and stopped whooshing when I opened it. But it started again once I put down the lid. So I guess it was telling me to go away. I've got ruffled feathers now, if you know what I mean.

I was pretty chipper today since my mom is finally back. I hadn't seen her since New Year's Eve. Literally. So it was a pleasure to see her again. I almost got offended because when I told her that I got 50/50 on a math test, she mentioned the previous test, and remarked I hadn't done well then, like she was disappointed in me. Me, I just want to be appreciated, is all. The one person who has never praised me willingly is my own mother. So that's probably why we aren't truly friends. (Even if I missed her I don't even know if she missed me. But I'm not about to ask in case she pretends)

My mom was really huffy after her extended stay in Shanghai. Her clothes and other things in her suitcase smell like cigarette smoke. It's really kind of disgusting. She is washing her close to try and get rid of the smell. (It's even worse because her own father is an avid smoker. Luckily, her mother doesn't smoke.)

After a while my dad came home from work. He had gone to Costco, a big store with ugly tall ceilings, to buy things. It seems like they didn't have any Blueberry B Monster. (It's a drink from the company Odwalla which I often drink.) I hope they didn't stop selling it. Then I would have to go somewhere else to get it. I wonder if Whole Foods (Supposedly a store that sells healthy food and other organic products) has it.

My dad is kind of an immature person. (If you read this, Dad, I am sorry, but my true feelings are meant to be displayed on this blog) He wants people to like him and praise him, rather than give him criticism. And even if he is an adult, in his mind, it seems life is rather simple. (This does not mean that life is easy. Just that he has a straight-forward mind, similarly to my mom. They are both rather stubborn.) But maybe that isn't true, and I have been deceived for years.

While I was practicing piano this evening, I could hear a loud voice, so I thought my parents were arguing. I stopped playing and went over to take a look. It turns out my mom was giving some sort of speech. Her eyes were wild, her mouth open and flapping, and one arm was pumping up and down. I was shocked. That looked kind of like my dad when he's lecturing.

And now, I think they really are arguing. They keep talking about trying to move my grandpa (on my dad's side) to a new apartment. The stairs to the apartment are frail and steep so it's dangerous for an old man like him. (Particularly since he slipped and fell once, and injured himself. He is fine now...Or so he says. His relatives don't believe so.) And also he still didn't get indoor plumbing because it costs money. (Being retired is bad especially when you're old and weak. You have to rely on your relatives and the government for money.) So my dad and his siblings are desperately attempting to convince my grandpa to move to a new apartment. Then they will pitch in all their funds to try and buy one.

But my dad seems to have come to a disagreement with my mom, as his voice was raised and he looked really steamed. When my mom breaks in to make a comment he gets more heated up. I am afraid he will blow his top like a volcano and start throwing our dishware. D: I really hope not. It is scary, and it also means I have trouble hearing other noises since his voice is so loud and violent.

Labels: appliances, beverages, cigars, emotions, family, inanimate objects, mental, shanghai, smoking, washing machine

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