Goldfish crackers. The wonderful, smiling cheesy snacks. One time I saw a package of Goldfish and the part with the ingredients even said "Made with Smiles". As crackers go, I think Goldfish are really cute.

It seems like they don't always have smiles, though, despite their claim. If I can't get enough to eat from the rest of the salad bar, which is one of the lunch lines at my school, then I add in some Goldfish. I was studying them and I realized some of them seem to be faceless! What a shame. Those Goldfish must have a rough time in life, having nothing but a blank expression.

But then again, smiles aren't always heartfelt, are they? I remember having read in books how characters would smile, but the smile wouldn't "reach their eyes". It was only a smile of the mouth. Not a true smile. It kind of reminds me of smiling for photographs. If I don't really feel like smiling, but I still have to, my face looks awkward in the picture. It would look right if a person was caught while really laughing or smiling, though. I don't really like to take pictures on purpose because of it. I think it's better to take photos of life in the moment.

Sometimes it can be hard, going through each day. I still have to be strong. Most of the time I feel like I need to keep my troubles to myself and pretend everything is okay, when really inside of me it's all turmoil. And there are times when I feel like I have to let someone know, or I'm going to explode, and I try to let it show through my emotions, body language, and such visual signs, but I don't know if anyone is able to pick up on it. Most of the time it's okay. I can still make it through each day, one after another. And I can even enjoy myself. But I wonder how long it will be before my vase, filling up with all my worries and doubts, will start to spill the water in it.

Then again, this could be just another challenge of life. Perhaps it's something I'll grow out of. Just as some people who are allergic to peanuts lose the allergy when they age, I suppose there are some problems that will cease to be problems when you experience more things, different things, significant things. I wonder if how someone acts is influenced by nature or nurture. Are you born a certain way? Can you change it? Or are things just not meant to be changed? Is it a mix of both? It's still a mystery.

Since I just mentioned allergies, I thought of something strange. I just went to my mom's friend's house yesterday. The last time I visited them was a few years ago. Back then my mom's friend's daughter hadn't gone to college yet, and their cat was in the house. Now they have a different house, and the cat is in the garage. Apparently, my mother's friend's wife and her daughter became allergic to cats. Did they change cats? Or did they develop new allergies? I think that's really strange. I thought that once you got used to something, you would be less likely to be allergic to it, not more likely.

I'm going on to some other news now. On Friday, the musical electives at my school - choir, orchestra, and band - performed. The schedule was very wacky in order to make room for the three assemblies (since there are a lot of students, it's better to have three different performances, and one third of the non-performers attend each one). I attended the first assembly, where the choir, beginning strings (orchestra), beginning band, advanced orchestra, and advanced band performed.

The advanced orchestra performed the music to the film Spirited Away, which made me really happy because I really like that music. I think two years ago I heard it performed by the advanced orchestra at that time. And I'm a fan of the Studio Ghibli films. The other music played by the advanced orchestra was Palladio, which is apparently the music to a De Beers diamond commercial. Even when I heard it, I wasn't able to think of the commercial...Was the commercial really old? Like from 1993 or something? Or do I just not watch much television? D:

Labels: allergies, cat, change, crackers, de beers, diamond, emotions, expression, goldfish, mask, music, orchestra, palladio, photography, problem, school, smile, snacks, spirited way, strength

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