Yet again, I'm doing things in a roundabout way. Or at least, planning to do things. At several points over my life I have gotten the notion that I ought to start learning some Chinese characters so I can at least read the signs if I somehow get shanghai'd (Ha! Get it?) and am stranded in China. Well at least if somehow I ended up in Shanghai, I'd be okay because I can sort of speak the dialect...But anywhere else, it'd be hopeless.)

I do remember that back when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I went to a sort of day care place (it was called Little Genius Learning Center, if I remember correctly. Pretty arrogant-sounding name, if you ask me), and there was a nice lady who would go over a beginner's Chinese book with me. She'd point to a line and I was supposed to recite it to her, and at the end of the day she'd give me an apple as a present. Actually, I didn't really know what the words said, I'd just memorize what she'd said when she read it earlier, and then I'd just repeat what I remembered. But it sure looked like I was learning Chinese. Now that I think of it, I was good at fooling people when I was a kid. My grandma made me take a nap every afternoon, so if I didn't fall asleep I'd just fake it when she came in to check on me. Eventually, when enough time had passed, I would get up and she'd give me some ice cream. So actually I never got anything near as much sleep as my parents thought I had, especially in preschool, when I never slept during naptime. (But then again, they know that I'm an insomniac, because when I was a baby it took a really, really long time for me to fall asleep. It's still pretty bad now.)

Now that I'm interested in learning Japanese now, though, I'm starting to regret the fact that I never went to Chinese school or at least made my parents teach me. In fact, I was just the opposite for most of my life - I was adamant that I'd focus on English. I really believed that if I tried to learn Chinese, I'd forget English, because I actually learned to speak Chinese before I learned to speak English. Soon as I went to school and was forced to learn English, though, I pretty much forgot all the Chinese I'd learned and now I almost always speak English at home. And on another note, I actually look a weird, irrational pride in the fact that I was Chinese but did not learn my own language. I guess that was an early sign that I would later try to go against the tide in most aspects of my life, if only just to be different from "everyone else", whom I would refer to with slight contempt. I used to want to just blend into the background, but now I kind of think that fitting in means being boring. (That's not necessarily true, though; I probably just don't get to know people well enough to make an accurate judgment.)

Well, although I tried to memorize Katakana and Hiragana with the help of Quizlet, I am still a very long way from reading Japanese because I don't know enough kanji. Guess what kanji is? Yup, it's Chinese characters. The one thing I insisted on not learning turns out to be really important. So I have to start from scratch now if I ever hope to learn Japanese. I was actually planning to work on that this summer, but now that I have the homework from my classes to do...Well, I let myself get too stressed again and now I'm really not in the mood for the things I was doing earlier this summer. Looks like it's going to be a wasted summer and I'll probably be cursing myself for the rest of high school because I won't get to relax again.

Still, I probably should talk to my parents about it sometime. I know that they're going to be busy, what with work, remodeling, and health problems on both sides of the family (grandma on mother's side had back issues and had to go the hospital; dad and his mother were both very ill not long ago. And I should not neglect to mention that my mom is still limping around, although her toe is recovering considerably). But I guess if I'm going to learn a new language, starting late's better than never. I've gotta get crackin'.

Labels: china, chinese, dialect, different, english, family, foreign language, health, japanese, kanji, languages, late, mandarin, nap, pretend, problems, quizlet, sleep

I'm not sure if almost being attacked by a goose counts as bad luck. It does look like, however, that it's a part of a series of unfortunate events, because I hear that bad things come in threes.

For one, our garage is having issues again. Whenever I try to get the door to come down, it stops partway and then tries to go back up again. I have to keep clicking the button on my garage door opening device until it finally manages to get all the way down. ...And even then, the garage door still tries to go back up. I'm thinking that the Rin/Len Kagamine song called "Remote Control" should have its lyrics rewritten to complain about my struggles with the garage door. I've even taken to going out through the front door (gasp! I pretty much never use the front door unless guests are over) just to avoid dealing with it. I'm worried that someday the garage will try to open on its own while I'm not around, and someone will come in and steal my bike. (This has happened before. My dad had his bike stolen many years ago, only it wasn't from the garage)

As for the other bad thing, it happened to my mother. We've always had issues with chairs and the legs of the beds in our house. Many times I've gotten up at night to use the bathroom and ended up stubbing my toe against a chair leg. It's happened so much that I suggested getting a bed with special legs so that you won't kick it (I saw an ad for it in a magazine), though as usual my parents weren't paying attention. Well, now my mother was walking to the bathroom at night and her toes hit a chair leg really hard. She didn't think it was a problem that night, but the next morning it hurt a lot and she couldn't walk properly. Turns out that she's fractured a bone (or bones) in her pinky toe. It'll take six weeks or so for her to recover.

What a bummer. Just the previous night we were thinking about going swimming sometime soon. Looks like I'll be swimming solo. There's practically no chance that my dad would ever agree to go swimming. When we were in Hawaii a couple years back, my mom and I were drifting out in the ocean...My dad, on the other hand, paced back and forth on the beach, an angry expression on his face. Barely got his feet wet and had only a sunburn to show for it.

But I guess it'd still be nice to go to the beach sometime. I'd like to go swimming in the ocean again. It's really salty and makes the undersides of my arms sting, but it's still...both relaxing and strenuous at the same time. A vacation-y sort of exercise.

I suppose in the end I can't enjoy it as completely as I used to be able to. At this age there's too much to worry about. I have to study to take my SATs, and these days it seems colleges expect you to get really serious about some extracurricular, and spend your summers on a job or internship or volunteering or something...It takes the fun out of the things I enjoy, being told by college prep people that I have to go make money or enter competitions with my hobbies. I never should've written Stanford and Harvard down as colleges I want to go to, because it's not true...Sure I'd like to go there, but that's not my goal.

Then I end up wondering why I'm so afraid to aim high. Maybe it's fear of failure; that has always worried me. Maybe I'm trying not to do whatever everyone else is doing again. I know it's silly of me to do - just because something is popular doesn't make it bad. But I feel like I can't just go along with the flow without thinking it through first. I think that I'll lose what makes me unique if I follow what other people are doing. Sometimes I don't want to be like other people and sometimes I do. I don't really know who I want to be anymore.

Labels: bike, broken, college, family, garage, garage door, goose, individual, injury, problems, remote control, SAT, song, stress, summer, swimming, theft, toe

This morning I made a most horrifying discovery. My mother was working from home and decided we ought to do a bit of spring cleaning in my bedroom, so we took the pillows and covers off of my bed so that they could be washed or aired. When I looked at the black sheet that is under my mattress...I saw little white things covering it. At first I was just disgusted, thinking it was just dust, pillow fluff, or perhaps my own dead skin. But then I took a closer look and noticed that a few of the little tiny white things were moving.
Read more »

Labels: bed, bed bugs, bugs, cleaning, dandruff, dead, decay, dust, dust mites, food, house, insects, larvae, problems, rotten, signs, skin, termites, white

Sadly, I'm not talking about Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy, sorry to disappoint you video gamers out there. XD The weather's been gloomy the last two days, just a grey veil of clouds that blocks the sunlight. I don't like days like that. I think it should either rain, snow, or go back to being blue skies with my favorite kinds of clouds - the voluminous ones with clear edges, light parts and dark parts.

I guess it reflects my mood. I was feeling pretty melancholy yesterday, partially because it is now Finals season, and there's a lot to do, studying and a speech, but I just don't feel like doing it. (I find myself growing lazier and lazier the longer this year goes on. For a while I was actually doing well - I was actually socializing, getting a somewhat decent amount of sleep, was scoring high on my exams - but I've fallen back into a slump.) Or it could be a natural fluctuation in mood.

What's really troubling me, though, is that I'm terrible at dealing with people. It always seems that after I've been friends with someone for a couple of years, I start to notice a lot more of their faults (or is that just a natural consequence from their aging?) and I wonder if that's why my relationships with other people always start to deteriorate. Or maybe it's more because I don't like to make the first move. I might not say hello even if I see someone I know, as I prefer the other person to greet me first, like what happened yesterday. I was helping a classmate with some homework, and we happened to be sitting at a place where a group of friends meets at brunch. I saw two of my friends, though we didn't really say hello to each other. I told my classmate that I had to go and left. Later, at PE, one of my friends, who I hadn't spoken with a brunch, asked why I had left without saying anything. I was rather awkward and defensive when I answered, because at the time, I had reasoned, There's no need to say goodbye to someone you hadn't even said hello to, is there? I wasn't there to socialize, I was there to try and help someone with homework. Maybe it would've been better if I had said something, but
then again, isn't that something I usually do? Just go off without saying anything? Still not used to it by now?

Labels: communication, depression, family, fate stay night, finals, forever alone, friends, mood, pattern, princess lover, problems, relationship, season, strife, talking

Blood crosses. They happen when siblings, or cousins, or some other kind of relatives have children together. It's something that disturbs me a bit. I suppose you could fall in love with a relative, but it's a bit frightening what things could happen as a result of such a relationship.

I heard mention of it in the book called The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, by David Wroblewski. The Sawtelles, the family upon which the book focuses, keep careful records of every dog they have bred so that no dog will have a blood cross. Blood crosses have sometimes resulted in physical defects, both in animals and in people.

I was reading National Geographic not that long ago (it is one of my favorite magazines, after all, and I renew my subscription every time it runs out) and apparently it seems that King Tut may have been the result of crossed blood...And that could be why he is pictured with a cane (had some sort of foot problem from the blood cross, perhaps? And maybe he had a weak immune system, too, which would have contributed to his death at such a young age). Among royalty it isn't uncommon to have blood crosses. Sometimes it's to preserve political power (which confuses me a little, because if you wanted to be more powerful, wouldn't it be better to marry someone out of your family so you would have more connections? But oh well) and other times people do fall in love with their family members.

There was also a guy who was French royalty who had crossed blood flowing in him and he developed slowly (I think he couldn't walk until 7? Or something freaky like that) and he didn't live that long. Isn't that painful? The odds are against you from birth. If you're the child of two relatives, then there's a possibility that both of them have a recessive gene that could cause problems, and if you happened to be unlucky enough, you might be born with those two recessive genes put together, and you would suffer from whatever problem the gene causes. And you'd be doomed to get cancer over and over again or die early, and so on. (Hmm, I suppose you could end up with such genes even if you didn't have crossed blood, but in that case you'd have to have two people meet who had some sort of similarities in genes, and I guess considering the amount of people out there it would happen, but then again there are a lot of combinations of genes that are possible, too...Well, never mind me, just talking to myself. Really. No one reads this besides my future self anyways.) I guess in that case you might not be able to change your fate. But I've heard this quote that "It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years", so even if you know you don't have long to live, search for happiness. You're alive, so go and live as much as you can! That's still something I need to do.

I've been concerned about bloodlines because of my grandparents on my mother's side. People in China don't necessarily change their last names when they get married. In the case of my grandma, she already had the same last name as my grandpa, so there was no need to change last names. True, there are a lot of people in China, and you'll certainly meet people with the same last name, but it made me think that there's probably a blood cross, even if it's somewhere way back. A bit freaky to think about. One time I said to my mom, "So that's why you're so twisted!" (referring to her personality) which made her become indignant. XD But anyways, don't be like me, don't joke about it. "Do as I say, not as I do."

My science teacher showed us a website that contains a world clock. You can see births, deaths, illness, crimes, and whatnot. A bit morbid, I guess, watching as the number of deaths go up (there are really a lot of people who die of respiratory infections!) but it's kind of fascinating too. Here's the url:

http://www.poodwaddle.com/clocks/worldclock/

Labels: blood, book, clock, cross, death, family, genetics, health, life, national geographic, personality, problems, relatives, sickness, the story of edgar sawtelle, what if, world

Top ↑