Sadly, I'm not talking about Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy, sorry to disappoint you video gamers out there. XD The weather's been gloomy the last two days, just a grey veil of clouds that blocks the sunlight. I don't like days like that. I think it should either rain, snow, or go back to being blue skies with my favorite kinds of clouds - the voluminous ones with clear edges, light parts and dark parts.

I guess it reflects my mood. I was feeling pretty melancholy yesterday, partially because it is now Finals season, and there's a lot to do, studying and a speech, but I just don't feel like doing it. (I find myself growing lazier and lazier the longer this year goes on. For a while I was actually doing well - I was actually socializing, getting a somewhat decent amount of sleep, was scoring high on my exams - but I've fallen back into a slump.) Or it could be a natural fluctuation in mood.

What's really troubling me, though, is that I'm terrible at dealing with people. It always seems that after I've been friends with someone for a couple of years, I start to notice a lot more of their faults (or is that just a natural consequence from their aging?) and I wonder if that's why my relationships with other people always start to deteriorate. Or maybe it's more because I don't like to make the first move. I might not say hello even if I see someone I know, as I prefer the other person to greet me first, like what happened yesterday. I was helping a classmate with some homework, and we happened to be sitting at a place where a group of friends meets at brunch. I saw two of my friends, though we didn't really say hello to each other. I told my classmate that I had to go and left. Later, at PE, one of my friends, who I hadn't spoken with a brunch, asked why I had left without saying anything. I was rather awkward and defensive when I answered, because at the time, I had reasoned, There's no need to say goodbye to someone you hadn't even said hello to, is there? I wasn't there to socialize, I was there to try and help someone with homework. Maybe it would've been better if I had said something, but
then again, isn't that something I usually do? Just go off without saying anything? Still not used to it by now?

Labels: communication, depression, family, fate stay night, finals, forever alone, friends, mood, pattern, princess lover, problems, relationship, season, strife, talking

My mother has abandoned me again. It's only for two days, but I kept wailing and trying to grab her arm and things like that. She managed to evade me, saying that I should turn on my cell phone and she would call me later. I would've gone to the airport and seen her off but she is with a friend/classmate/other kind of acquaintance. The lady kept smiling strangely at me, and she asked me if I remembered her and things like that. (Probably not. I didn't retain any memories until preschool, and I usually forget who my parents' friends are unless they are people I see frequently) If I had gone with my mom, my mom would've been pretty distracted and I wouldn't be able to talk to her one last time before she flew off to Las Vegas. (She's going there to meet up with some other friends she hasn't seen in a long time.) Also, I would've had to act smiley and nice for the lady-that-I-don't-remember-anymore, because they sometimes saying things like "You've grown so much" or "How old are you" or something. So maybe it was better not to go. But still, it's really quiet here. All you can hear is the sounds of birds outside.

I don't really understand what is up with teachers. They seem very laid-back, particularly the PE teachers and my science teacher. For instance, Mr. Brown, my science teacher, was sitting in his chair with his feet propped up on the counter, answering questions about Human Growth and Development. Since there is a door or something connecting our classroom to the neighboring classroom, another teacher, Mr. Aochi, came over and started talking to Mr. Brown. They said things like, "You want a refresher?" (while holding up a bag of coffee beans) and "Twist my arm" (which I assume means "Yeah, thanks, go on ahead") Then Mr. Aochi tried to describe a flower, and Mr. Brown said, "Oh, you mean gardenia." In the meanwhile the students were talking amongst themselves. I wondered, WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO CLASS?! It must be hard to get teachers fired unless they really do something wrong, like handing out permission slips and taking students to 7-11. (A teacher once did that. Mr. Blair, my history teacher, admires that teacher.)

As for the PE teachers, they get paid as much as regular teachers, but they have way less assignments to grade - only tests and projects and possibly notebooks, if they even assign them at all. Oftentimes teachers talk to each other. Mr. Robinson usually talks to Mr. Murray, while Mr. Nakamura usually talks to Mr. Blair (and sometimes the female teachers, Mrs. Jennings and Ms. Rawson). We used to have another teacher (though I am not sure if she gossiped during class as well) called Ms. Hanohano, except she moved away to Arizona or someplace like that.

I heard some strange news. Apparently not only is there a new principal next year, but another PE teacher may be on her way. I am not sure of her name's spelling exactly. Besides the fact she is female I don't know anything about her. I guess it's a good thing to have another PE teacher at the school because otherwise we have practically 40 students to a class (using up ALL the painted white numbers on the ground). Still, I am anxious to know who is this teacher and whether she is nice, or if this is really just a weird rumor.

Labels: chat, confusing, friends, gossip, mom, new, noise, old folks, parents, PE class, phone, pretend, questions, quiet, school, talking, teacher

I didn't really go outside today, except for piano class and a little bit of fresh air. I wonder if my skin will turn all white and pale form staying inside too much. Not so far, but then, I'm still young, or so my parents insist.

I finished reading a book today, Artemis Fowl. It was pretty interesting, but took longer than I expected...But I guess I'll end up reading the rest of the series anyway...I wonder if I read too much? The kids from school last year thought so. But my mom would rather have me read newspapers instead of novels. D:

Anyhow, I wonder if anyone really reads this blog? Maybe I should let people know I actually made a blog. Otherwise, I'll end up talking to myself, like those folks in the insane ward of the hospital. x_x

Labels: artemis fowl, blog, books, bookworm, myself, newspaper, pale, piano, skin, talking

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