Sadly, I'm not talking about Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy, sorry to disappoint you video gamers out there. XD The weather's been gloomy the last two days, just a grey veil of clouds that blocks the sunlight. I don't like days like that. I think it should either rain, snow, or go back to being blue skies with my favorite kinds of clouds - the voluminous ones with clear edges, light parts and dark parts.

I guess it reflects my mood. I was feeling pretty melancholy yesterday, partially because it is now Finals season, and there's a lot to do, studying and a speech, but I just don't feel like doing it. (I find myself growing lazier and lazier the longer this year goes on. For a while I was actually doing well - I was actually socializing, getting a somewhat decent amount of sleep, was scoring high on my exams - but I've fallen back into a slump.) Or it could be a natural fluctuation in mood.

What's really troubling me, though, is that I'm terrible at dealing with people. It always seems that after I've been friends with someone for a couple of years, I start to notice a lot more of their faults (or is that just a natural consequence from their aging?) and I wonder if that's why my relationships with other people always start to deteriorate. Or maybe it's more because I don't like to make the first move. I might not say hello even if I see someone I know, as I prefer the other person to greet me first, like what happened yesterday. I was helping a classmate with some homework, and we happened to be sitting at a place where a group of friends meets at brunch. I saw two of my friends, though we didn't really say hello to each other. I told my classmate that I had to go and left. Later, at PE, one of my friends, who I hadn't spoken with a brunch, asked why I had left without saying anything. I was rather awkward and defensive when I answered, because at the time, I had reasoned, There's no need to say goodbye to someone you hadn't even said hello to, is there? I wasn't there to socialize, I was there to try and help someone with homework. Maybe it would've been better if I had said something, but
then again, isn't that something I usually do? Just go off without saying anything? Still not used to it by now?

Labels: communication, depression, family, fate stay night, finals, forever alone, friends, mood, pattern, princess lover, problems, relationship, season, strife, talking

It seems to me that time makes all the difference sometimes in the mood of a person. A prime example is my history teacher. Last trimester, I had him for the first period of the day, but now I have him for second period. It's only about an hour difference, but it matters quite a bit. In first period, he tended to be more bad-tempered, though occasionally he did seem in a good mood. In second period he is more talkative and generally more pleasant to be around. Well, they say teenagers' brains don't truly wake up until around 9 or 10 am. Maybe it applies to adults too.

I was pretty annoyed at the homework I received recently. For two of the questions, we are directed to look at page 222 in the textbook. We are studying the Constitution, but page 222 talks about Mormons. (I tried checking the section of the textbook that is about the Constitution. There's not much info) I guess it's referring to the old textbook. It annoys me that we have to use this thinner, lamer textbook. But there's not much can we do. (I heard that California uses a different science textbook than the rest of the USA, and my teacher last year said the national textbook was awesome, and I am upset by this)

I am displeased with the education system in the USA. It is true that some of the best colleges in the world are here. I mean, one of my friends moved to China many, many years ago, and her sister got into Harvard. Clearly, they'd rather come to the USA for college than stay in China. D:

So, to rectify this problem (I am practicing using my vocab words this week, that's why I used such a strange word), I have decided I am going to attempt to move to another country. Preferably, one in Europe, because there are generally higher life expectancys, average incomes, and living conditions overall over there. I have also considered Japan because the Japanese live the longest on average despite the fact that there are smokers (French live pretty long too, though). A woman could live to be 86 on average whereas in the USA, women on average only live to be 80. I tell you, you can do many things in 6 years of your life! So I could be saving myself if I moved. The problem is that the USA does make a hefty sum of money. Liechtenstein, Qatar, and Luxembourg have a much higher GDP, though. (I've been to Luxembourg, personally, I thought it was nice, but there are apparently many pessimistic people there, though Japan seems to have many pessimists according to the Wii Everybody Votes poll)

I was thinking of perhaps San Marino. People speak Italian there, which means I might have trouble getting along at first, but at least French and Italian have some similarities. (One time I was reading a description of some brushes, but it was in another language. I tried to use Google Translate "French to English" - didn't work. Tried "Spanish to English" and didn't work either. I was confused, so I did "Detect language to English" so it would do the work for me. Turns out it was Italian...)

The money is not too bad and the HDI is fairly high. The USA's HDI is .950, I believe. Norway has the highest...And Australia is second highest! Maybe I should move to Australia! They have cool accents there, and they speak English, and besides they make a good sum of money. Also, there are lots of beaches because most people live along the coast anyway - probably too dry and desolate in the middle of the continent - and I love the beach. I want to live near there. The sound helps me go to sleep quickly. That's why I fell asleep quickly the time I slept near the ocean in Japan, even though I was on a futon on the tatami mat. (My mom couldn't fall asleep as fast, apparently she expected it to be painful, or she had back pain or whatever)

I also slept well in Australia despite the dramatic time change. That's surprising. When I went to China the second most recent time (the most recent time I went to China was last winter), I got sick from lack of sleep. I fell asleep during the day and woke up at night. But I wasn't supposed to sleep during the day, so my grandma woke me up on purpose by using an annoying talking stuffed animal. You know, the kind where you press the belly and it talks... -_-;;

Labels: australia, college, education, europe, gdp, hdi, italian, language, lifespan, misinformed, mood, ocean, san marino, sleep, time, time zone

Far from it. The sky is covered by rainclouds and the dirt on the ground is still damp, so it becomes mud. There is no one at home besides me, leading to an eerie silence only disturbed by the sound of my breathing and typing. But oh well. I am still thrilled because of the recent work the teachers have handed back to me. (The papers were handed back recently, even if the work wasn't necessarily recent) Since I have low self-esteem, I have to brag at home or talk to myself just to keep it up. People mistake it for a cocky, slightly snobbish personality, but it's a facade.

Sorry about not posting my cooking schedule yesterday. I rambled on too long in the previous post and forgot to put it up. Here it is.
Monday Baguette Costrini. (I'm not exactly sure what it was called. You take a baguette - a long, thin bread - and cut it up into little slices. Bake it in the oven until it is lightly browned. Then you spread olive oil, pepper, salt, and cloves onto it, and put chopped tomatoes, green onions, and some cheese on top. Bake it again, until the cheese is melted. Then eat!)
Tuesday Chinese Chicken Salad. (It doesn't taste all that great. I mean, it's unique, I guess, but I still don't like it. I wonder if my parents have tried it before)
Wednesday Finish workbook. (We have this workbook thing which is trying to get you to improve your eating and exercise habits. At least, I think it's for Wednesday, unless it's for Thursday? But that doesn't seem right either)
Thursday Clean up. (We're having Electives Night, where the 6th grades - called pixies - come to look at the electives. Volunteers from cooking class will be baking cookies)
Friday Chocolate Lava Cake. (Suggested by a guy who used to be in my kitchen, back in days long past. It sounds tasty. I hope it doesn't have any sponge cake stuff in it, though. I don't like that)

I feel a bit sad at having to leave my kitchen seen. Not even a few weeks later, I'll be hustling out of there and to the other side of the pavilion, and at the end of the school day rather than the beginning (if the glitch in our grade/schedule online checking system is telling the truth). I will certainly miss the cooking classroom, kind of like I miss the art classroom and the orchestra/band room. Some people say woodshop is fun, but the warmth and spice smells of the kitchens are charming, as is room 1 with its vases of flowers, goldfish bowl, and walls covered by artwork. Even room 27's ragged lines of black chairs and stands and white helmet, used as a bathroom/hall pass, are something I like.

Agh, never mind. Pretty soon I'll be in a rocking chair, knitting hats for a grandchild on the way or something. Maybe I'll move to Arizona (good for old people, who have arthritis and feel the cold more than young'uns) and chat with my other retired neighbors. Being retired will give me more free time, at the very least. (Unless you're a busy grandma running a campaign for AIDS in Africa.)

Labels: atmosphere, cooking, knitting, memories, mood, nostalgia, personality, rocking chair, weather

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