The title of this post may confuse you. What I'm trying to do here is play on the phrase, "Like father, like son" or "Like mother, like daughter".

On Saturday, I had two piano recitals to attend. My piano teacher has a lot of students, so she has two recitals. Most students only perform in one recital, except for a few exceptions. In the afternoon, I was number 18 in the lineup and played the song Nocturne in F Minor, Op 55 No 1. I left for home after my performance so I could relax a bit and eat dinner before returning for the second recital. When I arrived back at the church (we always have our recitals at a certain church, I suppose you can rent it for performances, seeing as it has a piano), I saw some people coming out of the church and standing in the parking lot.

I saw two girls, and I think they were probably sisters. They were both wearing a jacket sort of thing and dresses. Also, both of them seemed to like swinging their legs around. One girl swung one of her legs back and forth, while the other girl did some movements that looked like kicks. o_o;; I suppose sisters behave alike. I think my mom and aunt are similar in ways too.

Sometimes I wonder what my sibling(s) would be like if I had any. Would my sibling, like me, favor my father's genes, or my mother's? Would my sibling be a mix of my parents? Or would he/she look like neither? What kind of interests and personality would he/she have? Would we get along? Would we fight all the time? Would we barely talk to each other?

As an only child, I think of how things could have different if I hadn't been an only child. People who do have siblings oftentimes think that it must be nice to be an only child. You don't have to share your toys, or if you're a younger child, you won't have to deal with getting hand-me-downs (well, unless they're from other relatives or something). And your parents' attention is focused on you, you, you. You are, however, your parents' only posterity, and their expectations rest on you solely (though I hear sometimes oldest siblings still feel the burden of being expected to do great things, at least in the case of someone I know). I'm just fortunate that my parents are not as driven as some parents. One of my classmates said her father threatened to disown her if she didn't get an A in math.

But sometimes, even if you're an only child, you might still feel like you're being compared to someone. And in that case it's even harder than being compared to a sibling. If you're compared to your siblings, at least you know what you're up against, but if you're being compared to an imaginary, perfect child, or to all other successful people in general, it's a lot harder.

I used to feel like I was being forced to be someone, to be "smart" and earn a lot of money, but after a while I began to realize the pressure mostly didn't come from my parents. Some of the pressure came from seeing other students and their ambitions, but in fact, I believe I have created some of the stress upon myself, too. I often seem to have an angel and demon on my shoulders - the angel says that I must stop getting distracted, and focus very seriously on my work - while the demon says, "Oh, just a few more minutes won't hurt. You have to have some fun." And then I end up in anguish for having cheated myself by not listening to the angel and not achieving my potential. When I am upset over a test score, it's not exactly the grade that really bothers me, but the feeling of having failed, and not done as much as I could have and should have.

Well, back to the topic of being an only child...This may vary from person to person, depending on personality and a person's experiences, but I think only children are probably more likely to get lonely. I personally feel like I might be closer to or more reliant on my parents, as they are the only real family I have (I do have grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, but I don't see them much), and so I feel the absence of their presence more deeply. (Sometimes I even thought I wanted to die at the same time as my parents or before them so that I wouldn't need to feel the pain from their deaths.) I wonder if this is just one of life's many hurdles. After all, no one ever said life was easy (or did someone?).

Labels: absence, ambition, comparison, failure, family, life, like father like son, only child, perfection, piano, pressure, problem, recital, relatives, siblings, similar, sister, stress, theory

Sometimes I feel like that, and other times I feel like quite the opposite. There are times that I have the feeling of being on top of the world, like I can overcome anything, and that life is easy. But there are times as well where I feel as if there is so much out there and I am just one person, too insignificant to matter.

I mentioned in a previous post (unfortunately, I can't remember which one it was, so unless you're really bored, don't bother searching for it) that I live in a place where many people are fairly affluent. One time, my language arts teacher (who says she is poor, but I suppose it can't be so bad she must live off of freebies) asked how many of us think about the price of things when we buy them. I didn't mind when I was younger, but over time I started to care about it, and nowadays I don't really buy much for myself (except for a Galileo thermometer, but that's a different story). A lot of people said they just asked their parents to buy something and didn't really worry about how much it cost. I had heard that my town prides itself on having an average income that is quite high, or something along those lines. (Note: That doesn't mean everyone owns a private jet or a beach house in a foreign country, though)

I started to wonder, "Would us kids be able to survive out in the real world?" Well, my parents' friend's son was a student at both UC Berkeley and Harvard, and he said, "The experience you get at the schools is different. At UC Berkeley you're more left to your own devices, but at Harvard you'll be helped along." Basically, even the different colleges may encourage a different level of independence. I have been wondering whether people living a sheltered, privileged life will really be okay when they get out there into the rest of the world. (Well, unless they always live in the same place, or move to a similar place) I mean, there are 6.8 billion people in the world and counting, so there will definitely be a lot of competition - for example, people will fight for jobs, as jobs are not created fast enough to make up for the growing population and the bad economy.

And really, the world is filled with hardships. I don't think everyone can be so lucky to never experience them. Some of my troubles are physical, like when I catch a cold, or sprain my ankle, but most of them are mental. I've always wondered what it would be like if I had a different life. Like if I had siblings...Being an only child, I don't really learn to share or to take care of someone else. In fact, I don't really do chores besides putting my clothes away when they have been washed.

Today, I visited a bridge in my town. It's not a bridge over water, it's simply a bridge over a highway. I think it looks very nice at nighttime, though I didn't visit it at night. I walked there with my dad in the afternoon. There were several people on the bridge. No cars are allowed on it - only people on foot and people on bicycles. The bridge is practically on the border of my town and a neighboring town, so if you cross the bridge, you'll be in a different city. But you'll be in the same school district. There is a high school right next to the other end of the bridge. I would like to be able to go that high school. (The high school I will probably be going to is a very highly ranked one in academic terms, though, and the high school next to the bridge is...not so much) It would be so charming, living next to the bridge and walking across it to go to school. Quite picturesque. Some people would be bothered by the highway noise, but I don't think it would be too much of a problem for me (as long as there aren't too many police chases and ambulances at nighttime).

I wonder what I ought to do. Should I accept my fate, because destiny cannot be altered? Or should I fight against it, fight to change it, and make a life for myself? Is it better to be the blade of grass, which bends but doesn't break, or like bamboo, which prefers to break than bend? Is it better to go with the flow or to make ripples in the water? I wonder about that.

Oh, before I end this post, I would like to explain why I was thinking of fish in the beginning of the post. It was because of something I saw in the December edition of Reader's Digest. There was a complaint someone made to a travel agent. The person said, "No one told us there were fish in the ocean. The children were startled." Wow. I guess there are many different people.

Labels: bamboo, berkeley, bridge, change, college, competition, destiny, feelings, fish, grass, harvard, high school, money, only child, readers digest, spending, survival

Just the other day, I went to a different dentist than my usual dentist. I've gone faithfully to the same dentist for many years now, but recently a problem has come up. My dentist is also an orthodontist, and he says I need to get braces because two of my teeth are at odd angles and need to be turned so they are facing the right way.

My mom and I hope that if the braces really aren't necessary, then I won't have to get them, since it costs quite a hefty sum, and besides it is a big hassle (have to brush after meals supposedly, and the metal can irritate your mouth, etc.).

So we went to a different orthodontist, who I believe was recommended by my mother's dentist (I would go to my mom's dentist, except I would have to miss school, because of the hours kept at her office), to get a "second opinion" on the matter. He was okay, I suppose. First he had me move my jaw up and down and things like that to see whether my jaws worked fine. Function is all A-OK, which means my teeth can do their job. That's a relief.

I was sure then that I wouldn't need them, but the orthodonist said for the sake of looks, it'd be better if my teeth were moved forward, which would probably make them fit together better and also would supposedly cause my mouth to stick out more. This is because the area between my nose and mouth is sort of flat which people think makes you look old. Hello, I am supposed to be an old lady! 4 billion years old!!! And so the orthodontist said I should have expanders first since it would change my bone structure, and that needs to be done now otherwise my bones will fuse and it will be impossible to change. The thing is, my mom and I don't think it's a good idea to change your bones, I mean, it could have some unforseen consequences, and it doesn't necessarily make you look better. Besides, I couldn't care less about whether it looks nicer (sorry, Tom Cruise - by the way, he had braces) as long as it doesn't cause me to have headaches or give me trouble eating.

So here we are in my family trying to make the decision. Should we go for it or not? It might be worth it considering that your smile might be nicer and then you could get a job or something. D: But then again, it might not be worth it, and that is the question. (Kind of like "To be or not to be")

Recently I found out that one of my teachers is an only child. It was before school started, and I had time to kill before first period. I went inside early because my teacher stuck his head out the door and said, "You can come in, you know." (I was standing outside reading a book) Well, I started doing the DO NOW (the teacher usually has a topic for us to write about in our notebooks. Let me give you an example: "List: What were the strengths and weaknesses of both sides in the American Revolution?" or "According to the Declaration of Independence, what is the purpose of government?) and then he came by and asked, "Do you have any older brothers and siblings?" So then I said, "No." Then he thought for a bit and asked, "So are you an only child?" To which I replied, "Yes." He asked me what I felt like being an only child, and I meant to say that I felt like my parent's expectations were all placed on me, like a burden, except instead I said something else, which the teacher misunderstood, because he thought I was talking about chores. o_O;; He said, "I know what you mean. I'm an only child, and I always had four times the chores as everybody else." And then another student, who was also in there early because he usually is, chimed in, "I'm not an only child, but I'm the oldest child in my family, and it's like that for me too."

And then my teacher said that how many siblings you have, and whether you're the oldest or youngest or middle or only child, could have an effect on your personality, and he said it would be interesting to find out about the families of the students. I think that'd be interesting too. But unfortunately we have to concentrate on learning the Constitution at the moment. D:

Labels: appearance, bone structure, braces, constitution, cosmetics, decision, dentist, do now, expectations, family, function, jaws, only child, orthodontist, personality, siblings, teacher, teeth

That's what I felt like - something being cooked for breakfast. I mean, the weather where I live is just crazy. Before it was okay. It was warm, but that was normal seeing as it IS spring. But then today it was really, really hot. Even Sunday had higher temperatures than normal. Though we did PE indoors, I still worked up quite a sweat and didn't completely dry off until about the end of lunch. Walking home made me feel horrid all over again so I had to take a shower and change to shorts. (I usually don't wear shorts but I should buy more, so I'll have something to wear on hot days besides long black, brown, blue, and tan colored pants.)

Sunday was pretty eventful for me. Piano class went as normal, except I was really drowsy from lack of sleep over the spring break, and the teacher started bragging about me. This always makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I have more and more expectations to live up to. Just recently my mom has mentioned a few more Harvard/Stanford/UCLA/UC Berkeley/NYU/etc. type people. For some reason a lot of her friends' children who are old enough to have gone to college go to Ivy League schools and other bragging-rights places. I am very intimidated by it since only "smart" people even try to apply and yet only a small percentage get in. If I do insist I will be going to Stanford I may just be bluffing to try and convince myself. (Note I may have said something similar in a previous blog post, or even in person to friends. Not sure if I did.)

Oh yeah, we had some roses from my piano teacher one time. She had a lot of bouquets left over from the piano recital (reminder: That was back on March 28) so she insisted we take one of them home, as she was running out of vases. So we brought back some red roses. My mom thinks the bouquet we bought for my piano teacher was prettier. I still like the roses (they're already dead, so too bad) even if there are flowers I prefer. Say for instance - lilies, daffodils, tulips, morning glories, and so on. (By the way, since my dad always claims to be a gardener, he has bought a honeysuckle plant. It has orange, small, tropical-looking flowers. I heard it is edible somehow?)

Back to the real news I was going to talk about. My mom made me go with her to her acupuncture clinic. I was scared to death, as I expected I would be poked with needles and forced to drink ginseng medicines. Luckily it was only an "examination" of sorts to see how my bones and such were doing. I was very ticklish, so having my shoulders poked and my arm swung around and around really made me squirm. I have an assorted array of problems, such as a curved spine, stiff shoulders (from typing and playing piano XD After all, playing piano requires similar motions. My parents have the problem too since they are computer engineers), and ONE LEG IS LONGER THAN THE OTHER!!! AAAAAH!!! Actually, not really. It's just one hip is higher so the left leg is a little shorter. This makes my back tight to compensate. My mom suggests that I kick out my left leg to make it longer. I wonder if it really works. -_-;; She has the leg-length problem too. Must be genetic.

Also, my mother mentioned that one of my dad's best friends is looking for a cat. Originally he said he would wait until he bought a house, but he has changed his mind and wants a cat now. (He looked at an animal shelter, though he didn't find the breed he wanted.) I felt both happy and unhappy at this announcement.

Happy - Because if I wanted I could go to my dad's friend's house to play with the cat. (I don't know cats that well so it would be a good opportunity to see if I am fit to get a cat)

Unhappy - Because I myself won't get to have a dog or cat until I have a job and have graduated from college. My mom doesn't like animals (she won't admit it, but I can tell since she is scared of big dogs...) and so gets mad whenever I mention it to her.

It wouldn't be so big a deal, except I am an only child. Lack of siblings and pets, and always being taken care of by my grandmother or a day care center, made me lonely inside (I may have friends and people to talk to, but when I am by myself it hurts a lot. Over time I got used to being a loner so then I had trouble talking to people again, but I'm adjusting back a little). Even my mom made such a comment. Recently some of my dad's friends came over to our house, and gossiped while eating dinner. The only two "children" - one is a boy in high school, and the other is a younger boy who is in elementary school - were both only children. Neither talked much. The older boy was polite and just watched basketball, but the younger one was a little angsty. I noticed how his face was scrunched up in irritation and how he made snide, biting comments. He eventually went off to play his DS. (Haha, that reminds me of myself.)

Labels: acupuncture, bouquet, cat, college, confidence, doctor, gardening, health, heat, lonely, only child, PE class, people, piano, temperature

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