Today has been a chilly day. There are clouds in the sky for the first time in a week or so. I can't remember a year when there was such cold weather at this time in June.

Maybe this year is meant to be different. There was rain later in spring than normal. The reservoir is full and beautiful and reflective. But not everything is good about such change. Different weather is bad for some fruits. I heard that cherries were more expensive this year. And my mother worries that our persimmon trees will not yield much when the time comes to harvest their fruits because of the unusual weather.

But this chill, though it is June, makes me wonder if perhaps the summer will end early this year. My dad dismissed the idea, saying something like "The summer really starts with July 4th" which I don't really understand (I mean, only the USA celebrates Independence Day). There was already a warm spell back in May.

I read the book Sisters of the Sword: Journey Through Fire. The main character, Kimi, is driven by her desire for revenge, but she is told that she should not be filled with so much hate, that it will consume her and lead to her defeat. But in the book I am Apache, revenge seems to be embraced, as warriors set out to avenge their loved ones, who were killed by Mexicans in a surprise attack. I've heard the phrase "revenge is sweet", but is it really? If you kill someone, your hands will be sullied by the blood, and you may forever live with the guilt. And it would not bring back the people that you have lost. But perhaps you must kill someone for the sake of the future and of other innocent people - if you don't kill the person, it is not far-fetched to think he or she will go on to take more lives.

I've also been watching an anime; the name is Ef: A Tale of Melodies. It is a disturbing story, but at the same time it also intrigues me. One of the characters said that he wondered why a person would be born in the first place if they would die. He said that there isn't any point in starting fights that you know you will lose.

But I think that because we are alive, there must be something out there for us to accomplish. I don't think life is meaningless just because we know it will come to an end, for some sooner than others. We still think of things that are temporary as important, like youth, passion, friendship, and dreams. It's up to us to make these things permanent. If two friends swear to be BFFs and support each other when times are rough, then the promise is not broken.

As I am now, I am weak. I don't have thick skin, so the words of people pierce me more deeply than any physical injury. But I still want to become strong. I'll fight every day, even if it's an uphill battle, even if I die and am forgotten. I am alive, so I'll do what I can. There are days when I'm lost in a sea of misery. Days when who I am and who people think I am are different; days when what I want to do and what I need to do are unbearably far apart. But I'll fight on. Even if I'll die trying.

Labels: ability, books, death, different, dream, ef a tale of melodies, fruit, I am apache, journey through fire, life, purpose, reservoir, revenge, sisters of the sword, strength, summer, temporary, weather

Don't worry, the sky isn't falling, there isn't an earthquake or King Kong or anything. No, it's my dad, because he brought back an old friend of his.

The friend is just coming here to visit. He will only be here about two days or so. But my parents say I have never met this person (even my mom doesn't know him). And he will be sleeping in one of the bedrooms in our house (we actually have three, but one is normally used as my mom's home office, so most of the time no one sleeps in there). I guess he doesn't want to pay for a hotel since he's only staying here a short time anyways. He's Chinese and wears glasses. He lived in Australia (in Sydney! What a shock). And he says his daughter has a friend with the same name as me. (Bigger shock!)

Anyhow, though, I will have to make the best of it, and play the good child/good host. After all, my mom will shoot me warning glances the whole time if I misbehave. (Well, my mom's not home yet; still on the way from her office building, but still.) My mom tends to be the stricter person in the family. Not to say my dad doesn't also have a short fuse.

Today was a pretty lazy day. We had a quiz on Africa's geography, a quiz on our Animal of the Week in Science (We don't do it every week. Just every once in a while), and review work in math. It was weird in math since the student teacher took over the lesson. He seemed a bit uncomfortable since he always says "Umm" and "Uh" when he talks. (But I guess he's always like that.) Some of our table groups had to volunteer to talk about math problems. We also had a Tips section at the bottom with some important reminders. I wrote "Please give me $50" in that section. My tablemate/friend saw it and laughed, but she crossed it out anyhow. Oh well.

Oh yeah, in the morning, I was with my friends, and one of my friends complained about her parents thinking about what kind of husband she would want, despite her only being in middle school. Then another friend remarked that her parents already had a person in mind. Apparently it was a rich family they knew and the son was smart and tall and didn't wear glasses. Her parents thought that guy was handsome but she just says he's weird. I laughed, and then asked them if they knew a guy called "Anton". They did, and I told them my dad had suggested I marry him (seeing as he is fairly wealthy and is actually in advanced math). My friends were at first in shock, then laughed like crazy. (By the way, does anyone know how he got into advanced math? The only time I ever saw him, I thought he didn't look that...intelligent. Maybe looks are deceiving.)

And then one of my friends starting giving some other friends and me nicknames. She called me Syd (no surprise there, though), and called another friend Lily, and a third one she dubbed Nicky. Nicky says that some people call her Nicky and others call her Nickel. Nickel is very similar to her actual name, but I would feel strange if someone called me a kind of money.

When I was walking home, there was a young boy ahead of me. He was walking home along with his sister, father, and some younger sibling (he/she had to be lifted up as they were quite young and could be too weak to walk for a while). The boy was talking to his sister and didn't notice a mailbox sticking out almost over the sidewalk. He hit his head on the mailbox and it fell open, revealing some brochures and other papers inside it. It reminds me of a time I was feeling naughty when I was young, and opened a mailbox. I took one thing out of it, closed the mailbox, and walked for a while, then placed it in a random person's mailbox. (I felt bad afterward but it's too late now.)

Labels: attention, australia, family, friends, future, mailbox, marriage, math, nickname, personality, school, teacher, temporary

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