Today, the atmosphere at school was different from usual; it was more somber, to the point of being stifling.

A teacher has died.

He passed away on Friday of a heart attack, after a basketball game. I heard about it from my school's online news and from talk around campus - I wasn't there and I don't know the details. In one way, it's really jolting. He'd been plenty alive just a few months ago. I only remember one thing about him, and that was when we were taking a survey in the cafeteria. (Ha! The only time I get to sit in the cafeteria is during PE CLASS. I never actually eat in there. There are a few people who do, but most of us are outside, rain or shine.) He'd been barking at us, something about putting down the pens, or passing up the papers...I don't remember clearly.

I wish I had something else to remember about him. But I don't. And I never will.

It's startling in another way, too, to think that someone who was there one day would be gone, dead, so quickly. It wasn't like cancer or some slow terminal illness where you could see him weakening by the day. No, it was just like that. So fast. It takes so long for people to truly live, do more than just exist. Yet it can be taking away so quickly.

And at the same time, somehow I wasn't surprised. I almost feel as if I'd expected it to happen. I'd known since late 2010 that once my guidance counselor, who'd been on maternity leave, came back, then the lady substituting for my counselor would take over as a PE teacher (the teacher who died was only teaching for the first semester this year; I don't know why, maybe one of his students does), which was a little funny because the substitute counselor/new PE teacher is now pregnant herself. (And that was sudden too. I hadn't realized she was pregnant until she said so recently.) Not knowing why the teacher was not going to teach PE anymore, I wondered if perhaps he was planning to go away...But I didn't think that death would be his vehicle.

In fact, I HAVE seen a similar thing happen before, with my fourth grade teacher. I don't remember too much about her anymore, just that she had short blonde hair, was sometimes in a pretty bad mood, and had a jar of butterscotch candies to give out as a reward. She got injured a couple of times - one time I think a box fell onto her face and she wore sunglasses to cover up the bruise. The last time I saw her was on the day of our field trip to a museum. I thought she'd seemed fine.

After that, she was gone. And I later found out that she had died. The school never told us why exactly she died. Some students came up with all sorts of ideas. I recall that one classmate of mine said that perhaps her boyfriend had murdered her. I know nothing. Just that she is dead.

So the recent death of that teacher makes me feel queasy. I wonder a little if I might've caused in some way. A lot of things in my life have followed cycles. Is it an odd coincidence? Was it all predetermined? Have I, by speculating, actually set things in motion? Am I just reading into it too much? This isn't an anime. I'm not Haruhi Suzumiya.

Or am I?

Labels: cafeteria, cycle, death, deja vu, fate, health, heart attack, illness, memories, PE class, sick, survey, teacher, thoughts

One of the songs I like is a song called Mad World, sung by Gary Jules. (#37 on my Playlist, if you want to hear it) I first heard this song during my summer classes in 2009. My painting teacher often played music, since it kind of helps the creative process and is just relaxing in general. One of the songs that I heard was Mad World.

Well, as I mentioned in "What Seems Unique is Actually Common", I had to find an example of slant rhyming in a song...I thought through what English songs I knew and remembered Mad World. I looked up the lyrics and discovered that yes, indeed, I could use it.

Then today on announcements a video made by a few students encouraging us to help Haiti started playing. And the song in the background was Mad World!

I've been having lots of instances of deja vu lately. I wonder if this means something is coming or if I simply have a weird knack for having such instances.

Recently I've started to think more about entering contests. There's a part of me that says, "What if I can't do a good job? Is it really worth my time to make an entry if I won't win?" And there's another part of me that says, "You never know until you try." I don't know which one to listen to. I really want to change myself and become more proactive rather than reactive. But I have lazy tendencies and a lack of time management. I'll have to work long and hard to change that.

I've read about things like pumpkin growing contests, such as in the book Squashed, by Joan Bauer. But I've never really seen that around my area. We don't really have carnivals or fairs except for maybe Christmas in the Park (and that's not my town). In fact, I don't know if we even have the Lunar New Year parade anymore...

Ah, yes, it is almost the Chinese New Year. It will become the Year of the Tiger, which is my father's year. I heard this year will be unlucky, at least for Rats such as myself. But I wonder if you can really trust horoscopes. (I've sometimes asked my mom to read the ones from her Chinese newspaper for the Western Zodiac. Actually, they are true more than half the time, at least for me)

One time I was talking with someone and they didn't know about the Moon Festival. I was surprised, considering that China has a huge population and I figure that would make people more aware of it and its traditions (not to mention any other Asian countries that celebrate it). But then again, in most of the USA, there aren't that many Asians. I suppose where I live is kind of an exception. (Though I have read books where it is said there are Asians - of the Orient, not necessarily India - gathering in Seattle...)

I also heard once that there are some Chinese people (perhaps they know my parents, I forget exactly) living in a different part of the USA and some people don't like them all that much. I asked my parents if it was pure and simple racism, but my mom said perhaps some people felt that people from other countries were taking away their jobs. (After all, jobs get outsourced since people elsewhere may be willing to do the same job for less pay)

Ugh! You should work harder, then, and take it as a challenge to yourself. You see, although bigger population means more jobs, jobs cannot grow fast enough to keep up with population (just as the amount of food grown cannot keep up with the population either). So, living in our world means we have lots of amenities and useful devices but it also means we have even more competition for resources. It's the sacrifice you have to make, living in the modern world. But this also means you can fly even higher. (Well, I suppose in older times, since there were different social classes, there was a really huge difference between the poorest and richest, whereas nowadays some economies are designed to be more socialist than capitalist, but...) I believe people should take having to compete as an asset and not a disadvantage.

Labels: asian, carnival, china, chinese new year, competition, contest, deja vu, economy, horoscope, job, mad world, moon festival, outsource, pros and cons, rat, song, summer school, tiger

This is sort of a follow-up to my previous post, "The Pealing of Bells". Well, just to bring you up to speed, I visited Sather Tower (the Campanile) of UC Berkeley.

While I was up there, I was snapping photos, as is my hobby nowadays. Other people were doing the same thing. A few people asked my dad to take a picture of them. I looked at their camera, and alas! It was a Panasonic Lumix, blue like mine. In fact, the two cameras were exactly the same.

Whenever I hear bells mentioned, I end up thinking of the song Viva la Vida, from Coldplay. Part of the song mentions bells.

In language arts class, part of our homework was to find some song lyrics where slant rhyming is used. (A slant rhyme is when two or more words sound similar but still different, like dark and heart, or me and harmony) I was sitting there thinking of songs that I knew (besides the Japanese ones XD) and I started remembering the lyrics of Viva la Vida. Well, then I noticed the two other people sitting at my table group were also trying to recall lyrics. Upon listening closely, I realized it was from the very same song.

I've been hearing Coldplay music in other places too. It's golf season again, so my dad has been watching golf on TV. In the background, the Coldplay song Clocks was playing (without any voices, though).

A while back, in language arts class, we spent the whole period writing an in-class essay. We had been given the prompt options before. The purpose of this was to practice writing within a time limit and also to practice writing the kind of essay that would score well based on the grading guidelines that are used for writing tests. One of the things you need to do to get a high score is to come up with a unique interpretation of the prompt.

That's a pretty tough thing to do, isn't it? What if you came up with something and you thought it was unique, but fourteen of your classmates also thought that? How would you be able to know whether you had a rare interpretation or not unless you were able to compare yourself to other people?

What really makes someone unique? It is commonly said that everyone is different. At the same time, we are more similar than we think. (In fact, humans have a lot of genes in common with corn, or so I heard... D: ) There are those that seek to make us be the same. And there are those who seek to make us be different. Which is really better? For to be different means we could end up apart from each other. Separated by the things we don't have in common. But to be the same means that you could lose your identity.

There are times that I feel separated from my peers. True, I may spend my day with them, but hearing their problems, sometimes I end up thinking, "Why is that a problem when there is so much else in the world?" or "I've already gone through that years ago." Perhaps that is was led to my belief that I am old. For the older you are, the more experiences you are likely to have gone through, and so you will end up with much wisdom (or in some cases, bitterness at the injustice).

On a side note, I discovered one possible origin of Santa Claus. It appeared in the book Twice Upon a Marigold by Jean Ferris.

"Now, the last thing we have to do is find a name for our business. Since it's all Mr. Lucasa's idea, I think it should be named for him. I've been fiddling around making anagrams out of his name. And I think I've come up with something. It just needs a little tinkering."
She put a piece of paper in front of them. Written across the top was STAN LUCASA, and underneath were all the combinations of letters she'd been able to think of, none of which made any sense at all, including:
ASA CALNUTS
SAL NATSUCA
SALSA CATUN
LASSA TUNAC
LUTS SAANAC
At the very bottom of the page was a name with a circle around it. "This is the one I think we should use," Susan said. "I can't explain why - it just seems right. What do you think?"
"Santa Claus," Mr. Lucasa said slowly, trying it out.

Labels: bells, clocks, coldplay, deja vu, different, interpretation, jean ferris, language arts, problem, same, santa claus, sather tower, slant rhyme, songs, twice upon a marigold, unique, viva la vida

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